My (25M) partner (24F) was action weird about another guy. Was my reaction valid?
First off, my girlfriend and I have been dating for three years now. We have a toxic-free, open communication relationship, and I trust her, vise-versa. I am not the type of person that will interrogate my girlfriend about who’s who, look in her phone, or ask her not to talk to certain people. She is a person with many friends, and she likes to make new ones; likes to please others, etc, which is fine.
However, a few days ago, she and I were hanging out in the car after a date, and she got a phone call (through CarPlay) from this dude that we will name Jared. Jared had a contact photo and everything. She immediately declined the call, and I asked her why she did that. She could have spoken to him on the phone to see what he wanted. She said she didn’t want to answer and that she was with me, which I understood, but still. She said that this guy was a friend from a Discord gaming server, and they usually play together with two other friends. She’s told me about this server before, and after that, I realized that I knew this guy and that I had played with him the night prior with her. He was quiet for the most part around me, which I found to be weird but it’s whatever. I’m not sure whether he knew I was her partner or not.
My main concern was how vague she was towards my questions about him. I asked her if he called her often like that, and she would say “no” numerous times. I doubted that, because if he did it once, then he must’ve done it other times. I tried asking her questions about him, the groupchat, and she would say she doesn’t know him like that or just say they met on Discord (which I knew already). I trust her, so I believe what she was saying. Basically, it was the same answers over and over, but it wasn’t sufficient for me. I asked how she got his photo, and apparently, he sent one to her, and that bothered me. I had seen his photo before and realized I saw him on my Instagram account suggestions. She follows him. When I already knew this, I said, “I’m sure he gave you his instagram, too, huh?” And she said something like she doesn’t know.
Then, after all of that weirding me out, I asked if she would call him back to see what he wanted and after numerous responses of “no”, she finally caved and called. The first thing she said to him was that I was there in the car, and I got visibly frustrated because I wanted to know what he would say if he didn’t know I was there. Like, if he would talk differently. Then, he proceeded to ask if she was going online to play or if she’ll be on later, and it pissed me off because obviously, this guy does not know boundaries. She had no obligation to him or his time, and going to the extent of calling her? It got me mad, but I wasn’t mad at her.
I basically told her this: my frustrations weren’t directed towards her. Since she’s very friendly, she should understand that although she sees them as friends, they may want more. I told her that she needs to draw a line with people, and not entertain or talk nice with them just because they’re her friend. It’s out of respect for me and our relationship, right? So, because I’m too nice, I apologized to her before I left in case I had acted overly frustrated or made it seem like I hadn’t trusted her. She got upset with me over the way things happened, but I don’t think she was mad at me either. She understood how weird she made it seem, and she apologized.
We’re talking later about this, so I’ll update.
Was my reaction valid and normal? Is it a cause for concern?