I've gotten attached too quickly and now i love her but she barely likes me.
I met his girl we'll call "Sarah" around 3 - 4 months ago. I responded to her post, she thought it was funny and it turned out we live in the same state in Australia. Sarah is 1 year older than me, her just turning 18 and me only 2 weeks shy of 17. Sarah and I used to talk lots, she used to call me, want to hangout, we'd play games together sometimes and it was a great amount of fun.
Around 2 months into it things began to get really sexual, and me being a stupid teenage boy who's hormones are all over the place, I instantly became hooked. She'd say stuff, I'd say stuff, it was fun. She'd let me know that she has mental issues with BPD and other things, which i obviously understood.
Sometimes when we'd talk, she'd suddenly scold me for things I wasn't familiar with or things that I hadn't had much knowledge about. She became extremely rude to be from time to time, and I can take things to heart too much. She'd shame me because I'm apparently "Too white" or she'd say things like "My friends are my bare minimum." And I take these really personally because I feel behind compared to other teenagers my age. I don't have a job, a drivers liscense, anything like that.
I've been getting left on delivered for hours on end which I can understand, She has a life besides giving me attention 24/7, But I love talking to her, I can't seem to get away from her, I've become too attached. She told me the other night it takes "More effort" to call me, which slashed me like a knife. Today she told me; "I really like you and stuff but, I don't really want to date you." which sounded like more of a "I'm cutting things off" text rather than something else.
My birthday is July 15th, we agreed that we could maybe start dating on my birthday because of the age of consent laws in the state where we both live. But she said "The set date that we have where we start dating is scary, and stresses me out."
I've done nothing but be extremely kind to this girl, why does this shit happen to me? of all people, why me? I'm a nice person, why do I deserve to be treated like this? I know I'm a bum who stays inside all day, gets bad grades in school but I just want a girl to love me. I've tried with a few girls in the past, but I can never get it right. What's wrong with me? Why am I like this?
I don't know what to do, I had zero self respect and I'll do anything for anyone before I do anything for myself. I really like her, a lot. I don't want things between us to end but if it keeps going like this, I can't see myself getting better. I feel depressed enough already outside of her, I'm not one to have many friends and even the friends I have, I barely talk to outside of School/College.
I'm scared.