Send help
I have bpd and mdd and im unmedicated and no social battery, I have been trying to be on my own for a while now which I did enjoy but I woke up today with crippling depression, no appetite just wanna sleep don't wanna talk but badly need someone to talk to. I am trying so hard to be independent not find any more boys to comfort me cuz ik its not right to use another person for my own sake but my emotions are wayy too much i feel like i'm dying. I am so drained so tired and I tried everything to find new good friends but I never click with any of them. I don't wanna play anymore, don't wanna watch, no allowance so i'm broke now i'm figuring out maybe the whole reason I had friends before was cause I was useful to them in some way and now i'm completely alone... I want to be alone but being with myself feels like hell. Being stuck in my house also makes me lose my mind even more, I am so tired of everything and I have no idea what to do...scared i'm wasting my beauty my youth avoiding guys yet knowing loving again will kill me for good... I am more stable now yet the depression episodes hits harder than when I am in a rs. Despite knowing that a new rs is probably a bad idea since i'm lowk not healed yet should I still do it so I don'tlose my mind? Eitherway I lose...Just gotta pick my poison. Might be a chance it works but i'm pretty sure it won't... I don't know what to do anymore I am so sick and tired of talking to people about it too I am so sick of venting the same stories and chatting random ppl who won't last a week they're all the same and i tried therapy it was all useless shit psychiatrist self awareness psychologist like bruh i'm already self aware I am a psych student ffs. I NEED ANSWERS. I know what i'm feeling y i feel it i just don't know how to handle it. This life is so draining and friends and rs are liars and fleeting.