24F — Wanting marriage but not knowing how to take the next step
Asalamualaykum everyone,
I’m a 24F who recently finished my studies and got my degree, alhamdulillah. I’m at a stage now where I genuinely feel ready for marriage, but I’m struggling with how to actually take steps toward it.
For context, I live in a Western country where there isn’t a huge Muslim population. My family moved here around 7 years ago, and our connections within the Muslim community are very limited. My family also isn’t very social — even when we go to the mosque, we usually pray and leave straight after. My dad and brother go regularly, but they mostly just give salam to the few people they know.
I speak openly with my family about marriage, alhamdulillah, and it’s not a taboo topic in our house. But whenever I bring it up, they usually say "it will happen inshaAllah when it’s meant to.” And while I believe in tawakkul and trusting Allah’s timing, I also feel like we’re not actually taking any practical steps.
For example, I suggested maybe speaking to a known auntie at the mosque and letting her know I’m interested in marriage in case she knows any good potentials. My mum wasn’t very encouraging about it and said I shouldn’t go out of my way asking people, and that I should just focus on myself and eventually people will approach. But honestly, I’m not sure I agree with that, especially given our limited community connections. I don’t want to just passively wait and get to the age of 26 unmarried.
A bit more context: during university I was speaking to someone for marriage with both families involved. After taking time to get to know each other, things ended during wedding discussions because the guy and his family only wanted a marriage done by a sheikh and not a legal marriage, which lead my father to end things. Since then, I’ve been working in an environment with basically no Muslims, and it feels even harder to meet anyone suitable.
Something else happened recently that I’d love advice on. I was talking to a friend about all this, and she encouraged me to attend Jumu’ah with her and speak to the auntie I mentioned earlier. We didn’t see her there, so my friend called her and explained that I’m looking to get married and shared a little about me while I stayed quiet listening to the phone call. The auntie then asked for me to text her directly.
It’s been a day and I still haven’t texted because I’m overthinking whether it’s the “right” thing to do. Part of me worries my mum would feel disappointed or think I’m being too forward. Another part of me feels like this is simply taking halal means while still trusting Allah.
So I’m asking:
Is it wrong for a girl to actively try to seek marriage opportunities this way?
How do you balance tawakkul with actually putting effort in?
And should I just text the auntie?
JazakumAllahu khairan for any advice.