I don’t know what’s happening to me
F (18 years old)
These past few weeks, my mind has been so messed up. I’m having a really hard time functioning properly. I keep zoning out, feeling extremely sad, not wanting help, and wanting to end everything.
I’ve been absent from university for two or three weeks now, and I don’t know if they’ll still accept me here. I’m getting even more stressed about what I’m doing with my life because why do I keep making things harder for myself? I feel like I’m the one keeping myself stuck in this sadness, maybe because I really don’t want to live anymore. I’m struggling to deal with everything going on in my life.
I’m thankful that there are so many people who want to help me and are waiting for me to get better. It’s just so hard because a part of me feels like that’s never going to happen because my mind is always filled with negative thoughts.
It’s hard because it feels like every month, for two or three weeks, my thoughts get really bad. I keep putting myself down to the point where I constantly think about ending my life. But then I think about how my family might be left with bills to pay if I do it because we all know how expensive it is to die in this country.
I just want to know if I’m the only one who feels this way.