Inquiring about my other partners partners
I would appreciate hearing the reactions of people outside of my circle to a conversation I had with one of my partners yesterday. I’m going to TRY to keep my own thoughts and feelings out of the description so that they don’t colour your perception but I am human 🤷♀️
Partner #2 and I were hanging out yesterday and he asked me if my partner #1 had picked up any new partners because his nesting partner was worried about STI risks. I’ve communicated that Partner #1 is tested regularly and that I feel confident that he is telling the truth when he says that he plays safe with his other partners based on my experience with him (he asked about safe sex practices before I did and is consistent with ensuring that protection is in place). I responded that I didn’t know because we don’t have an agreement in place that we tell each other about new partners but I would ask him (even though I personally don’t care if he does). I also informed partner #2 that I have been seeing someone new since the last time we spent time together. He told me that he was glad that I told him because he would be mad if he found out another way. We don’t have an agreement in place about disclosing new partners but he did indicate that he would tell me if he had a new partner.
I had an initial reaction to this and then my reaction has changed as I thought about it. I have a pretty strong opinion but I can see a few different sides to it and have a strong desire to be fair to everyone involved (because that’s how I try to live my life). That desire for fairness is what has me second guessing myself.
How would you react to a partner having this conversation with you? Does it seem reasonable to want to know the partner status of your partner’s, partner’s, partner?