u/AggressiveSquash420

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I (35 f) have known z (38 f) since we were introduced at my first boyfriends 21st birthday (I was 19, and her daughter was 3yr f)

Our friendship started slowly, I got on very well with her and k (her daughter) from the get go, and our relationship went from acquaintances, to friends, to besties.

By the time I was 25 we started holidaying together all three of us, we have been there for each other through thick and thin.

I love her like my own blood, I'd of died for her.

She has always been more sociable than me and had more friends than me, she recently started going on holiday with other friends alone, I felt left out due to never being told she was off to a lovely hot country, and we could have coo'd about the possibilities together, as she's been single since before K was born.

For context i have adhd and have always disliked the lies and the crap normal people say in general chit chat. Z knew this very well.

About 2 years ago she met a "lovely" Canadian man (not lovely) she told everyone in the Jan that she'd met this lovely man (let's call him Dave) and he seemed lovely, good job, drives, wanted nothing more than to be a part of Z&K's life.

Fast forward a few months and I started noticing inconsistency in how Z was describing how they met. So I pushed for the truth ( hoping she was reliving the fun and exciting time of meeting someone new) and it turns out they had actually met 5 months earlier and decided to hide it from everyone..... why? His control? his influence?

I could not believe the one person in this world I trusted to have my back and to tell me the truth with no judgement or prejudice had kept this from me, yes it's small, but what else was she hiding?

I told her there and then if she wanted to lie to me I did not want to have anything to do with her, I expected better, as id never lie to her.

After I got the truth from her, and she turned up at my door to apologise, I gave her a second chance, but warned her if anything like this happens again thats it.

Friendship done.

They got engaged in the may ( I think, it could have been april) they had a lovely photo shoot done to commemorate the occasion.

Photos were beautiful. \*chefs kiss\*

There was an issue with Dave's ex wife as she was not happy letting her 2 boys be around Z, which was fair enough. Dave painted this woman as a crazy lady who never let him see the boys ect. This was a lie on his part.

They agreed to meet to talk about everything. They did and connected on social media.

He rescued a dog, a beautiful frenchie, and the girls Z and K got 2 bunnies. The usual household ( or so I thought) i had prepared to do a speech and a duet with K at their wedding which was planned for the following September.

The engagement lasted maybe 4 months.

I got a phone call, "I have told him to leave" vague but ok.

"Can I stay at yours as K is away?"

"Yep sure no problem, I'll pull the sofa bed out, get some cheese and some wine"

I'd make coffee for her each morning before I went to work and we'd leave together.

She stayed for 3 nights before returning to hers, I heard nothing else about staying here. (She was scared as he'd been acting very odd, crashed his car and blamed her, would turn up unannounced at her flat ect.)

Anyway fast forward 2 years.

I found out my ex was cheating on me with pay per view cam girl's, and swiftly kicked him out after he'd been asking me for fuel money ( he earned £42k p/y while I was on £27k p/y). I found screen shots of him talking and even emails of bank transfers of over £90 to these tarts. Safe to say that lie was not returnable.

He left after becoming physically aggressive and stalked me. He got arrested and kicked out of his very new rented room ( thats another story #pettyrevenge)

I stayed at my parents that night and the following 8 days till my parents came home. This time is a bit of a blur due to severe overstimulation. She helped by looking after my puppy, instead of letting him have control of the situation, I was most grateful and my parents even paid her for the inconvenience of having her.

This all happened in the October let's fast forward to December!

So usually I am Mrs Christmas 🎄 mulled wine, Dec's, moves you name it, it was on the month long list! Anyway this year I was not feeling festive and had been working nonstop to ensure my bills were paid and I could eat.

We missed our Xmas tree and mulled wine evening. Nothing concerning we are both busy adults... but a 5+ year tradition missed..... now I think about it it was a red flag a precursor if you will.

Xmas eve swings by and usually she meets us (me and the parents) for a wine before the big man comes.

I offered the usual invite.

"If you are free we are down the local pub, join us if you'd like"

I got a reply " I'll be 20 mins"

Wonderful my "family" would be together just before Xmas, i always go to her on xmas day for a few hours for presents and a drink or two.

She turns up and sits at the table, my dad gets her a drink.

As soon as her ass hits that chair she is on her phone messaging someone, I thought it was K (she can be quite needy) and thought nothing of it, kind of usual behaviour.

My parents start talking and asking questions "how are you and K?" " how's the job going?"

She maybe left her phone for a maximum of 2 mins without replying to whomever was important enough to divert her attention from being present, she was with us for over an hour, she said she'd met some nice men and was talking to them.

She offered me a lift back to my parents house (a good time to catch up without judging ears) turns out she was messaging 2 men from tinder (shed also slept with them, within a week of each other)

Like I said earlier no judgement here.

Wow amazing! you are getting back on the horse after Dave, and what a change of behaviour from the crying mess on my sofa. I admired her for her resolve.

I met up with her and few times more before new year and noticed she was never off her phone when she was around me, id just thought it was K being her lovely needy self again.

My parents asked if Z was ok? As she was almost glued to her phone like someone's life was dependant on her response.

I said "sure I guess she's ok"

They then asked " so why was she so intent on replying to those men? When we were around?" ( older view, but a valid point)

It suddenly clicked, she'd been messaging these men from the Internet instead of being with us, present.

I'd always noticed when we met up she was always on her phone and I mean for the years I known her.

We'd go out to eat and id be sat there feeling more alone that being sat by myself, while she was replying to everyone but me.

After new year I raised this with her and advised I didn't appreciate being second or third in line to some random men from the Internet.

She said she was making "meaningful connections"

I replied to her with " you cant make meaningful connections with your vagina" \*this is a usual response for me, due to the adhd\*

She tried to say that after Dave did what he did, which included but was not limited to, verbally abusing her and K, physically abusive behaviour, isolation, animal abuse and neglect. She was told by her therapist to "make meaningful connections" which I'm guessing she took as shag as many men as you can.

THERAPIST?? she'd never told me she was getting help for what that monster did? 9 months of therapy.

A lie, but one that id of supported, never judged.

That hurt like a knife to the heart.

Once I pointed out she met Dave on a dating site and was replaying the same behaviour/ actions as before, she needs to change how she is seeing everything.

She said I was being unreasonable

I pointed out that she could be finding herself in the same situation as before being love bombed to smithereens, before knowing the person.

I said to her that their messages could wait till we we were done, or at least not be on your phone all the time.

I told her I felt very alone while around her and just wanted a bit of her attention, and that at then end of the day i never felt alone with my ex the way she made me feel alone with her.

She said I was a horrible person for saying she was worse than my ex and said I'm trying to control her.

I've lost my only friend because I asked for a small piece of her attention.

I feel like I'm unreasonable.

I have noticed that whenever I meet up with anyone else their phone is not visible, in a pocket or bag ect.

These past few months have been dark and lonely without my rock, who I guess was never my rock, only sandstone who washed away with a downpour.