Probably I am going through an awakening🤯
Hi there,
Although I prefer to be cautious about the spiritual domain and stay grounded in psychology and neuroscience, I cannot ignore that what I am experiencing right now sounds suspiciously like a
Kundalini awakening.
Some context- for more than 30 years I've been suffering from OCD and extremely intensive neuroplastic pain in the head. Almost constant agony and nightmarish thought loops in other words. Medication and therapy help to establish a ground to step on, but the only known (at least to me) effective technique against OCD is exposure response prevention(ERP) - basically when an intrusive thought or compulsion comes you just stay with it without acting upon it, no matter the discomfort and the pain. It is extremely brutal akin to feeling like lobotomizing yourself with a rusty spoon, but it is immensly rewarding when it finally works. In other words fore more than 30 years I've been forced to be in a state of extreme mindfulness and somatic tracking just to be able to get to the next day. So I am not sure what I was even expecting not to venture into tantric teritory.😅
So I am finally reaping the benefits as the pain is slowly but surely unwinding into pleasure. Pure sexual pleasure in the whole body, just like observed in Kundalini awakening. So intense in fact, that I had to take few days off work, because I can manage it, but the multitasking looking normal and productive while my brains is having hardcore sex with the universe itself is a tad too much. Yesterday I had my most profound experience in my life while playing at a festival with my band. For the the first time in my life I played with my whole body, one with my quitar, my band and the public, while remaining uniquely myself.
Here comes the tricky part. All of this is great and I can hold this immense energy, because I've been through much more extreme states. By this point I eat agony for breakfast😄 But what I can't handle is this gentle, pure but strong sexual desire. It is not the egotistical, dopamine driven and escapist one, but a genuine desire to express and share through sex. Today I amost fainted from pleasure by a milisecond long spontneous sexual fantasy about a girl stranger I commute with and sometimes our gazes meet. My common sense dictates that I should try to contain it, but this gentle yet commanding force seems to be practically demanding to find a sexual partner immediately, not matter what I think I want. It simply demands it right now. And there seems to be noone right around me right now. Although I am in a state of light but constant sexual arousal, I lost completely interest in masturbation.
Please, advise before I lose my mind. Just to be more specifc, it doesn't feel intrusive and disruptive, but feels like I am on the receiving end of a very playful joke.😁