WIBTA if I went no contact with my mother
Hello everyone and hello Charlotte. I watch your videos just about every morning on my way to work. Love what you do.
Anyway… I see this being a very long post so I might as well get this show on the road…
Some context here… I (34 F) let my mother move into my apartment over 6 year ago. At the time it was supposed to be temporary, until her girlfriend moved up to our town to be with her again. Sadly that didn’t happen due to several circumstances… One of them being she was dumped over a misunderstanding (she thought my mother was cheating on her with another woman but the voice she heard over the phone was one of my sisters). They never cleared the air and unfortunately she sadly passed away a couple of years ago.
Around the time I let her move in I had just been dumped by my boyfriend of 7 years. He left the apartment we were sharing to me and moved in with his now wife. Letting her move in was supposed to help both of us out at the time. Split the bills, etc. I was fairly established where I worked so I had her put me down as a reference to get hired on in a different department.
(Mistake number one). Anyway she got hired, went through the whole process, worked a couple of months, and then was fired due to her failing a drug test. Both my sister (now 26 F) and I told her to stop smoking the devils lettuce so she could have a great job. She didn’t listen to us and she suffered the consequences.
She was unemployed for a time, jumping from job to job. It was hard finding one that worked for my schedule so that I would have a way home without spending money on an uber or Lyft. I never knew when my friends in a different department would get off so it was gonna be iffy getting home.
After that for about a year we were sharing my car. All I asked of her was to put gas in it and if it needed an oil change to help cover that since we were both using it. Well that sounded nice in theory. Instead she expected me to put gas in it for her use and pay all the bills that came with it while she got to drive my car more than I did. I had to bum rides from friends I worked with to get to work and she would pick me up after. My one ask for this was that I drive home. I had to practically throw a fit just to drive my own car. After that we looked into getting her her own car.
(Mistake number two). We went to a used car lot. She found one she liked. Only problem is she didn’t have the money for a down payment. It was only $250 for a down payment. I helped her with it and had to be listed as a co-signer cause of her credit score. I told her with the workers as my witness that I’ll help her get it but she is responsible for the payments. She agreed and we drove off in our separate vehicles.
She was making the payments as we agreed. They were about 200 a month. Very easy and doable. Apparently not…. She fell behind and they were calling me wanting me to cover her bills. I told them flat out her and I had an agreement that she would be financially responsible for the car. They eventually stopped calling until I got a voicemail along the lines of “This balance needs to be settled or we will be repossessing the car”. There was an attempt to settle some of the debt but in the end the car was repossessed. I was out of town when it happened so when I got back and saw her car was missing I couldn’t help but laugh. I asked her where the car was and she looked me dead in the eye and said, and I quote, “I hid it.” Excuse me? I was hoping she would have told me the truth but i guess that was too much to ask for… She did ruin my credit score after all…
During all of this crazy mess with my mother I met my now husband of going on 3 years in November, been together going on 6 years in July. We were long distance for a couple of years before he made the decision to move into with me. He was visiting me for our two year anniversary and on the day he was supposed to fly back he told his boss he quit and the rest is history. It was an adjustment for sure but looking back I wouldn’t have changed anything about how that went down.
And as some of yall have probably guessed, my mother is still living with us even though we are married. We have tried several times to get her to leave of her own accord but to no avail. We’ve tried doing it the nice way and then the legal way and now our leasing office is involved since she isn’t on the lease. They sent her a notice stating she has 30 days to vacate the premises. As of right now she has 8 days left. I contacted the leasing office cause at this point I don’t see her leaving even with the notice. I asked them what the next steps are and their response killed me. If she doesn’t leave, we all have to leave. She would rather all of be homeless then just her.
In the 6 years she been living with me she’s done nothing but destroy my apartment, destroy some of my furniture, and practically destroy my mental health. If it wasn’t for my husband I don’t know where I would be. I’m just hoping that she acts like the adult she’s supposed to be and pack up and leave. I’ve given her too many chances and I’m done…
So good people of Reddit … I ask again, WIBTA for going no contact with my mother after everything she has done in just the last 6 years. If I included my whole life in this post it would never end…
Edit: it’s been over a year since she has helped pay for any of the bills. She owes us thousands in rent and utilities. The last time she sent me money for her portion of the bills it was only 50 dollars. We were only asking for her to contribute 500 with the main bills being split 3 ways (rent, electric, and internet).