u/Aggressive_Owl5379

He had a tighter shrimp right before I took this lol

Tres Leches

Repost since OG got removed.

We were on the road to vacation today when we found out his dad didn’t wake up this morning. Drove back 4 hours and are already discussing funeral arrangements. I can’t get over that I was the last person to give him a hug. We just visited him yesterday and he seemed normal and in good health. He passed approximately an hour or so after we left like what??? That just doesn’t sound real

A bag of mangoes because I forgot my lunch✨

I’ve kind of resorted to looking at pictures of us while he uses the wand on me. I get way too flustered and worry that I’m making dumb faces. I get completely in my head and want to go under the covers. He hates when I hide my face so I just hold the blanket now. He knows that I’m just more sensitive when he’s around and he’s not ugly, hence me using pictures to be more comfortable as if I was alone.

I’m so attracted to him that I still find it crazy he likes me at all but I feel like it’s keeping me from having more fun.

How the heck do I get past this and can I? I’m so embarrassed, I feel like a kid🙃

Edit: I forgot to add that my boyfriend wants us to try doing things in front of a mirror more often and I’m mortified at both of us looking at me. But I know if I got over my insecurities, maybe I could like it?

Fried Rice with Chicken Lo Mein from Peter Chang. Too mentally exhausted to cook✨

OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/W2YMwUm9sq

TLDR at the bottom

There seemed to be some confusion on my original post so I want to address them. Years ago, my brother’s 1st arrest charges were Felony Sex Offense 3rd Degree, Felony Child Abuse-2nd Degree: House, and Misdemeanor Sex Offense 4th degree. He is currently facing 16 misdemeanor counts of Possession of Child Pornography. NO I did not know if he was still touching children and actively chose not to tell the police for this case, I just know what he’s capable of and would report him asap if I knew otherwise. I’m allowed to celebrate his arrest and if you think otherwise, that’s weird. If anyone wants to know anything more, I do not mind answering as I’m open to curiosity and will answer as best I can.

My brother’s trial date was yesterday and it was so much bullshit. After getting to court, it was already a mess because the prosecutor was apparently on vacation, I let whoever handle that. I got to talk to my dad a little and it was nice until he let me know my brother was right around the corner if I wanted to talk to him, I didn’t even know this was a possibility. I felt like I was going to faint from the anxiety but eventually worked up the nerve to talk to him even though I had nothing to say. I’m honestly glad I did because in the end, he’s still just as fucked up as he was before. The conversation bounced between different topics but the important things really stood out. First, he told me that his 16 charges are naked pictures of me as a minor that he apparently never deleted off his old iPad, but also claimed that he’s never seen the evidence that the prosecutors had against him to begin with. When I asked if anyone else was involved he said “not that I know of” HOW do you not know if you’ve touched any other kids??? Next, he got upset after I told him I had a boyfriend, he never liked me having a boyfriend. He’s still upset that I have friends (would accuse me of “cheating” all the time when I was a teen just because I was a nice person) then actually continued to suggest that I would go out on night walks to meet with people. I honestly had to sit there for a minute because there’s no way a man that’s almost 30 is still jealous of his little sister’s social life as if he was my lover. Also, walks at night helped with my depression and anxiety caused by him. He then had the nerve to try and flip the script and blame ME for starting everything when I wasn’t even a teen yet, asking me “I wonder what was going through your head that night” and how I wanted him to do the things he did to me (I wasn’t even conscious for half of it, make it make sense). I cut him off and told him that I’d never allow him to think that I was to blame for anything he did to me. Next, he tried to explain why he groomed me, that “it was never an age thing because he has no problem with relationships with adults” and that he instead saw some sort of potential and opportunity in me of who I could become as a woman (this is a lie btw, never in the last decade was this mentioned. We believe he’s trying to appear more innocent for the trial). So he took it upon himself to try and guide me towards becoming that woman but wasn’t able to because I was a “wild horse” and I was “untamable” but he admitted that he fell in love with me along the way. Word for word he said, “I always get retarded whenever I’m around you and that’s why I could never leave”. That was honestly the most heartbreaking part for me because it felt like I was never seen as his sister and I was just being reduced to an animal. It ended with him trying to make me feel bad for him, the money he’s lost because of his arrest and the case, his job, his family, how hard he has it, and his 2 new dogs. He called me his baby sister after everything, he never even called me that during the abuse. It felt like a sick joke. He did let me know that he’s pleading guilty and because of that, he could get a deal / slap on the wrist sentence compared to the original 80 years. Afterwards, we find out that the trial is being cancelled and postponed to September. I don’t even know how many times I cried over different parts of the conversation. I’m exhausted and angry over a lot. Especially at me being “untamable” as his kid sister.

TL;DR : My brother admitted to having nude pics of me as a minor (no proof yet on another victim involved but he’s unsure if he touched other kids???). He got upset and jealous at me having a boyfriend and a social life. Tried blaming me for getting assaulted as a kid, I’d never let him think that. He admitted to falling in love with me after calling me a “wild horse” and that I was “untamable”. He tried playing victim again, I didn’t care. He had the audacity to call me his baby sister for the first time in 11 years. He may not even see 2 years of prison time with a possible deal but will likely go on the registry. We then find out the trial was being cancelled / postponed to September.

I’m not okay but I’ll be okay. If I’m missing anything I’ll try to keep it updated.