I accepted a new job and have already given notice at my current job. Now suddenly they're bringing up plans for me and asking, "What would make you stay?" How should I handle this?
My questions will mostly be based on personal opinions and experiences. Honestly, I'd like to hear from people who accepted the counter and it ruined their relationship with the new employer, people who turned down a strong counteroffer, and anyone who was somewhere in between.
The short version: I got an offer with a 35% increase from a company that isn't a competitor, and the work is close to what I'm doing now but with a broader scope. I accepted the offer, and I didn't accept it as use to pressure my current company into matching it.
My gut tells me the right decision is to leave, and that this question is probably just overthinking. But I'm asking anyway.
When I told my manager, he asked me, "What do we need to do to make you stay?" I told him they'd probably have to do something unreasonable, and that I had already made a commitment to the new company.
My former manager, who is still a mentor to me, didn't pressure me much about it. But as soon as he told senior leadership, suddenly there were plans. The basic idea is that, according to them, they had been planning to hire 3-6 people and build a team that would report to me.
Promises are easy, and plans at this company usually move painfully slowly. To be fair, they do eventually execute a decent portion of these things, but it can take a very long time. Even if I were to consider saying, "Okay, I'm listening," all of this would have to be in writing and would have to come with a respectable raise.
So these are my questions:
Tomorrow will probably be an awkward and stressful day. I expect there will be conversations with a few VPs, the COO, and possibly even the CEO/Chairman and the President. What's the best way to handle these conversations without making things worse?
My plan right now is to listen and make it clear that I'm not leaving because I'm upset or because of one specific issue, but because I was drawn to a better opportunity. I'm planning to keep coming back to the line: "I want to honor the commitment I made to the offer I accepted." Is that the right direction to stick with?
If they come back with a number that's clearly higher than the new job, what should I think about before accepting or rejecting it?
I understand that accepting a counter can put a target on your back as soon as anything goes wrong. As in: "Aren't we paying him a lot more now and he still can't handle xyz?" That part is very much on my mind.
The hiring process with the new company started when a recruiter first contacted me. What's the etiquette around backing out of an offer at this stage if my current company presents something genuinely strong in writing? For context, I signed and accepted the new role, and all the background checks are complete.
If my current company offers a large increase, the thought I won't be able to get out of my head is: "Great... So I wasn't worth this two weeks ago, but now that I'm about to leave, suddenly I am?" When does a person swallow that frustration and just take the money?
One more thing: since things move very slowly at my current company, and several of the goals tied to my role over the next 18 months would put them in a much stronger position, would it be stupid to leave on good terms and stay in touch in case this expanded leadership role becomes real later?
Last thing: like any job, this one had its problems. I said before that there are no internal reasons pushing me to leave, and that's mostly true, but there are two or three obvious things. Should I share those with them, or would that just give them a chance to say, "We can fix that," and pull me into a negotiation I wasn't planning to start? And is it even worth considering if they promise those fixes in writing?