r/parakeetAi

I had been working at this company for several years. About four months ago, they changed my pay structure to a commission-based system and kept promising me fantastic things. The problem? There wasn't enough work to begin with for me to make any money. I decided to give them a chance anyway, but my salary was embarrassingly low. I was earning less than a third of what I used to make. After receiving my first low paycheck, the company owner had the audacity to tell me, 'Oh, you seem to be coping with it just fine.' I was busting my ass at a difficult, skilled job, and in the end, I was getting next to nothing. So I started looking, found another company, aced the interview, and got accepted. The salary is amazing, the benefits are great, and they have excellent training programs. The work is still demanding, but at least I'll be able to pay my bills.

When I went to submit my resignation, the company owners acted completely shocked. I told them frankly that I couldn't live on this salary. It was as if they didn't hear a word. Instead, they immediately started to guilt-trip me, talking about how this would affect *them*, and how all their money was tied up in the project. They didn't make a counter-offer or anything; all they did was complain about their investments. Finally, I asked them, 'Is it possible for someone skilled in my position to earn a good living here?' The owner said, 'Of course!' So I replied, 'Well then, you'll need to find that person, because it's clearly not me.' The rest of the meeting was just them and my supervisor panicking and trying to figure out what they would do without me, while I just sat there and watched.

And as expected, everything is on fire now. The place has descended into complete chaos and disarray. It turns out my resignation was the straw that broke the camel's back, causing almost all the other employees to leave as well. With the number of people left, it's impossible for the business to continue. It's strange because for a long time I downplayed my own impact; I had no idea I was that important to the place, and honestly, it feels great to know your worth. I wanted to share this story for anyone who feels stuck. Know your worth. If the place you're at doesn't value you, don't convince yourself you can't find better. You can.

My questions will mostly be based on personal opinions and experiences. Honestly, I'd like to hear from people who accepted the counter and it ruined their relationship with the new employer, people who turned down a strong counteroffer, and anyone who was somewhere in between.

The short version: I got an offer with a 35% increase from a company that isn't a competitor, and the work is close to what I'm doing now but with a broader scope. I accepted the offer, and I didn't accept it as use to pressure my current company into matching it.

My gut tells me the right decision is to leave, and that this question is probably just overthinking. But I'm asking anyway.

When I told my manager, he asked me, "What do we need to do to make you stay?" I told him they'd probably have to do something unreasonable, and that I had already made a commitment to the new company.

My former manager, who is still a mentor to me, didn't pressure me much about it. But as soon as he told senior leadership, suddenly there were plans. The basic idea is that, according to them, they had been planning to hire 3-6 people and build a team that would report to me.

Promises are easy, and plans at this company usually move painfully slowly. To be fair, they do eventually execute a decent portion of these things, but it can take a very long time. Even if I were to consider saying, "Okay, I'm listening," all of this would have to be in writing and would have to come with a respectable raise.

So these are my questions:

Tomorrow will probably be an awkward and stressful day. I expect there will be conversations with a few VPs, the COO, and possibly even the CEO/Chairman and the President. What's the best way to handle these conversations without making things worse?

My plan right now is to listen and make it clear that I'm not leaving because I'm upset or because of one specific issue, but because I was drawn to a better opportunity. I'm planning to keep coming back to the line: "I want to honor the commitment I made to the offer I accepted." Is that the right direction to stick with?

If they come back with a number that's clearly higher than the new job, what should I think about before accepting or rejecting it?

I understand that accepting a counter can put a target on your back as soon as anything goes wrong. As in: "Aren't we paying him a lot more now and he still can't handle xyz?" That part is very much on my mind.

The hiring process with the new company started when a recruiter first contacted me. What's the etiquette around backing out of an offer at this stage if my current company presents something genuinely strong in writing? For context, I signed and accepted the new role, and all the background checks are complete.

If my current company offers a large increase, the thought I won't be able to get out of my head is: "Great... So I wasn't worth this two weeks ago, but now that I'm about to leave, suddenly I am?" When does a person swallow that frustration and just take the money?

One more thing: since things move very slowly at my current company, and several of the goals tied to my role over the next 18 months would put them in a much stronger position, would it be stupid to leave on good terms and stay in touch in case this expanded leadership role becomes real later?

Last thing: like any job, this one had its problems. I said before that there are no internal reasons pushing me to leave, and that's mostly true, but there are two or three obvious things. Should I share those with them, or would that just give them a chance to say, "We can fix that," and pull me into a negotiation I wasn't planning to start? And is it even worth considering if they promise those fixes in writing?

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I've been at the same company for 7 years. I genuinely love what I do. But I feel like no one there likes me, and that I'm always on the outside of everything. I know a big part of that is probably because of me - I have a terrible RBF and I'm not very social, but I've worked alongside these people for a long time. They know I'm not just some cold, miserable person.

This morning at work, I reached a point where I couldn't keep going, so I asked my manager if I could leave early, while I was trying and failing to stop myself from crying in front of him. He looked concerned but said it was okay. Then he messaged me on Slack and said that if it was work-related, I should talk to him. After that, the woman from HR messaged me too, saying my manager had told her what happened and that she wanted to sit down with me and talk about it.

I spent most of the evening crying. I've been dealing with very severe depression for several years, but I was able to keep going until my coworkers at work made it clear that they can't stand me, and yes, I know they have the right to feel that way and that they're not obligated to be my friends. But it was still destroying the small part of me that was still functioning.

I know HR exists to protect the business, not to protect me. But part of me still wants to be honest with her about feeling like I've been left out of everything. Not because I think anything will suddenly change, or because I want anyone to be forced to include me. I just want one person in that building to know why I've become like this.
Should I tell the woman from HR what's really going on?