u/QuietMap4403

I've been at the same company for 7 years. I genuinely love what I do. But I feel like no one there likes me, and that I'm always on the outside of everything. I know a big part of that is probably because of me - I have a terrible RBF and I'm not very social, but I've worked alongside these people for a long time. They know I'm not just some cold, miserable person.

This morning at work, I reached a point where I couldn't keep going, so I asked my manager if I could leave early, while I was trying and failing to stop myself from crying in front of him. He looked concerned but said it was okay. Then he messaged me on Slack and said that if it was work-related, I should talk to him. After that, the woman from HR messaged me too, saying my manager had told her what happened and that she wanted to sit down with me and talk about it.

I spent most of the evening crying. I've been dealing with very severe depression for several years, but I was able to keep going until my coworkers at work made it clear that they can't stand me, and yes, I know they have the right to feel that way and that they're not obligated to be my friends. But it was still destroying the small part of me that was still functioning.

I know HR exists to protect the business, not to protect me. But part of me still wants to be honest with her about feeling like I've been left out of everything. Not because I think anything will suddenly change, or because I want anyone to be forced to include me. I just want one person in that building to know why I've become like this.
Should I tell the woman from HR what's really going on?

Let me start by saying I understand how lucky I am to have remained employed throughout these recent global events. I know many people faced much tougher circumstances, and my heart goes out to them. But even with a job, many of us are still fighting our own battles.

To keep it short, I've been completely dissatisfied with my role at work for a long time and was planning to leave. I work as a content creator at a digital agency, and honestly, I hate corporate communication and promotional content. Now I feel completely trapped and can't even think of an exit strategy. I'm drowning in employee burnout; the quality of my work is noticeably declining. I haven't slept well the last two nights, and this happens all the time. My eating habits are terrible, and I'm consumed by anxiety, depression, and constant exhaustion. It's hard to focus on anything at all.

I've felt this way for years. Although our current remote setup hasn't helped, even before things changed, my company was very poorly managed. We had many inexperienced people in charge of things, and there was no structure at all. There's an endless amount of mandatory, meaningless team-building exercises that I feel are completely useless. We have endless, very long meetings, often exceeding 90 minutes, especially now with everyone remote. Nobody says anything useful at all, and I feel they're just done so managers can feel important. And the office politics? They're terribly rampant. People are constantly competing for positions by sucking up to the right people. It's all just acting, very draining, and these processes hinder me from doing real work.

I'm naturally an introvert, and I absolutely hate dealing with these trivial personal issues. Constantly tiptoeing around politics, putting on a cheerful face, and playing these corporate games every week has become incredibly exhausting for my mind. And that's besides the actual workload. It's very normal for me to work many extra hours beyond my regular work hours, with no compensation. Before we went remote, I used to stay in the office until 7, sometimes 8 PM, just to finish tasks. Now, I keep working, leaving my computer on until very late at night.

Many people have advised me to look for another role, and they all agree that my company is poorly managed. But my real fear is that all office jobs are essentially the same. That every corporate environment requires you to say things you don't believe for long hours, forces you into unnecessary and exaggerated meetings just to satisfy certain employees' egos, makes you listen to colleagues gossip more than talk about real work, exposes you to constant distraction, and makes you walk on eggshells. I'm sure this idea isn't new, but I genuinely feel there must be something else to life. I see colleagues who genuinely seem happy with the company culture, open and fully integrated, and I can't help but wonder... Am I the only one who sees behind these faces, or are they just better actors than me?

Has anyone here managed to change this lifestyle to a role that gives more room for creative projects? Maybe something like working in a local library, or a small art studio, where you can come and go more easily? I know there will likely be a significant pay cut, but I'm genuinely excited to explore the possibility of living a truly happier life. All opinions and experiences are welcome. Sorry if the post is a bit long or if some parts seem unrealistic.

In short, I had my son young and was determined to give him a good life. I pushed myself to get an online bachelor's degree in Communications, thinking it was a practical choice. I worked at a small PR firm, but the job turned out to be glorified sales. It was a nightmare for an introvert like me, and the pay was so low I had to work a second job just to get by.

After 18 months, I was laid off from the PR job. Now I'm back at my old second job in retail, but full-time. The pay barely covers our expenses. My mom, God bless her, is letting my son and me live with her, which helps with housing and childcare costs. But I'm 27 now and feel like a huge burden.

I desperately want to stand on my own two feet. I applied for jobs for months but only got rejection after rejection. I've given up and stopped applying because, honestly, I never want to work in that field again. I feel like I wasted my time and money on this degree.

The surprise is that the company I work for has a tuition assistance program. They pay for certain online degrees, certificates, and bootcamps. When I looked at the list, the good-looking options are project management, data analytics, and accounting.
My real interests lie in healthcare. I've thought about becoming a sonographer or a respiratory therapist, but of course, those programs aren't covered. That's why I'm leaning more towards accounting because it seems like a stable field. But I keep wondering if I should take out more loans to study something in healthcare that I might love. I already have about $12,000 in student loans and some credit card debt, so the idea of new debt is terrifying.

Honestly, I'm completely lost and feel like I've failed at every step I've taken. I really need any advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

Summary: I'm a single mom with a Communications bachelor's degree working in retail. My job can pay for a degree in fields like accounting or data analytics. I'm more inclined towards healthcare fields like sonography, but I'd have to pay for that myself and go into more debt. I feel completely lost.