I don't know how I got there...
Hi guys,
I (27F) guess I just need to talk to someone who will understand. I've never been over-weight, I was always skinny. In the last 3 years, I met my boyfriend and I gained 10kg. Still, I wasn't big, just more on the chubby side. Last october, I decided to lose the weight because I was tired of my clothes not fitting me anymore or suffocating me. I did it the healthy way: started to count calories but without cutting anything, I always made sure to save myselft a piece of cake for desert every night. I adjusted my portions and exercised 3 to 4 times a week. It worked, I dropped the weight (12kg) in about 4 month and I never felt more confident in my body. I received so much compliment from everyone, I finally had a healthy relationship with food.
Then it started. I was terrified of puting the weight back on. Still, I stayed on the right path, no restriction but counting calories and exercising. In the past 2/3 weeks now I became obsessed with food. I was able to work from home for the last 2 weeks and I don't know why it ended up with me binging everything in our house. I couldn't help it. I don’t know where it came from. Sure there's stress from work, but aside from that, I've never been happier in my personnal life. It's not even like I was restricting myself, I always have one nice desert per day that satisfied me plenty.
And now I cannot stop. Even when I don't want to, I'm binging and purging. I've done it once a day for a week now. And aside from the fact that I'm concerned for my health, I'm panicking because no matter how hard I try I cannot fully purge and I feel like the more I do it the more my body is resisting it and refuses to vomit. So then I am stuck with the anxiety of not being able to purge the crazy amount of calories I've just ingested. So I try to exercise but I still feel so full and fat after that... I just wish to go back to how things were a few weeks ago, I really don't know what happened...
If anyone can relate please let me know