r/bulimia

I'm on vacation with my mom for another couple of days and I'm going insane. Forget the whole zero privacy, but my eating habits has gone straight to shit. The first two days I managed to eat small portions and not overeat, but my mom kept bugging me by commenting on how extremely small my portions were (I actually give up, I don't understand what the normal portions look like). So I started eating more, and the want to destroy everything in my sight returned 😐😐

I wanted to be so proud for not purging such a long period, but it's awfully miserable to binge for 5 days straight ON THE BEACH WITH MY MOMS BREATH ON MY NECK. Or whatever the phrase sounds. I just want to rip myself apart it's so embarrassing to hear that my mom's appalled how I can't control how much I eat. I'm supposed to have a good time, instead I'm wallowing in my own self-pity

Every piece of advice I find says to "stop restricting, restricting causes you to binge, so if you allow yourself to eat, you'll stop binging"

But that's the thing I DONT restrict. I eat two to three regular meals a day now, like I used to before being disordered, but the feeling of literally anything in my stomach triggers me to binge, which then triggers me to purge. Sometimes, I'll skip the binge and just be triggered to purge a regular meal, too.

I just don't know how to escape this. It just feels like no matter what I do, I'll have the urge to do it, and I can't stop myself.

I can't just let myself go unrestricted because then Im purging 2x a day. I can't restrict myself because that just leads to a worse binge later in the day/the next day. I can’t only limit trigger foods because ANY food is a trigger food.

It just feels hopeless

My bulimia started 3 years ago or so and it's gotten worse and worse. Then alcohol came in around 9 months ago. I've been mixing up alcohol with binging&purging ever since, and my health is declining dramatically. I get heart palpations, my head hurts even when I'm not hangover, my body's shaking all the time, I'm losing all the things that are worth living for.

I tried getting into AA, but two sponsors I met only could deal with one problem: alcoholism OR bulimia. But for me they are bound so close together that I can't work on just one of them and get better. So it doesn't fucking work.

I'm feeling desperate, pathetic and miserable. Alcohol made me gain weight, and tho I'm still on edge of being underweight, I hate my body so much, I can't look in the mirror.

Binges lead me to feel awful about myself & go and buy alcohol. Alcohol makes me forget the consequences of b/p & I go and buy food to b/p on.

I don't know how to get out of any of it. I tried therapy, I'm still trying AA, but none of it works. I'm genuinely think I'm gonna die soon either by offing myself while drunk (already happened almost) or having a heart attack.

If someone has gone through similar things, please let me know that I'm not the only one. I feel so alone, and that's the main reason for this post. Thank you to anyone who comments in advance.

Honestly I feel like being made to talk about life with a rich privileged psychologist who throws in insults occasionally isn’t helping. I’ve tried so many psychologists and none of them have helped. One even told me to start weighing myself like wtf??! Also, another told me to do extreme exercise?! Like wtaf?! I was binging and purging like 8 times a day and needed hospitalisation. How was I supposed to do extreme exercise?! I have been seeing a dietitian on and off, maybe like every 2 months for 3 years and haven’t made any improvements. All we have talked about is what treatment actually is. This is dumb because I’ve already been to rehab for my eating disorder and it didn’t help. Honestly with all this “treatment,” I feel like I’m just funding some rich and privileged millennials’s kid to go to a private school. Like why do I have to sit in a room and get asked the same questions and hear all the same stuff? I’m exercising more and eating less and feeling more and more bad about my body despite being in treatment for 3 years. Like what should I do? I feel like no one in the ed recovery industry has any experience. I’m sick of being hungry and brain foggy all of the time.

Yesterday was strange. Went to work, ate a bit of my lunch whicj totaled ~490 kcals i was planning to only have that. But then i had a few other things that totaled 1.1k kcals. Still under my limit of 1.4k i had.

But still. Even after the balanced things i ate, i ""P'd" (Not the best censor ik lol). It was strange. In that moment i realized it had developed to some compulsion and not a compulsory action.

This is so damn frustrating, but as soon as I was done p*rging today I was immediately hungry again. And now I am trying not to eat anything because I know that will just start the cycle over and I can’t do this all night. This was the 2nd time today already.

Does this happen to anyone else?

So sick of this fuck ass disorder

every post i see about foods that are a nightmare to pvrge has chocolate in it, and the thing is i can get it up just fine. i don’t do anything special, just the usual stuff i do with every other type of food and i am wondering am i alone in this?

maybe it’s a weird question haha but i’m truly curious:)

hi im not sure if i belong here, if not, i apologize- please remove my post.

ive been lurking on this sub for years, but not for me. for my mom. she’s been bulimic my whole life, and im still desperately trying to understand this illness- so i can understand her more.

for context, i am 43f and she is 65. i have not lived with her since i was 11 (my choice), and have been no contact with her for 10 years.

she has a good heart but has been completely high jacked by this disease. i am the oldest, so i naturally beared the brunt of her behavior, which was erratic and abusive to say the least. but i know that she wasn’t in her right mind, i know the depraved things she did were partly because the eating disorder demon was running the show.

i thought as i got older, things would make more sense and i’d be able to find some deeper meaning or closure, but as the years go on im left with more questions than answers.

so here i am. in this sub again, sifting through experiences and looking for a thread of meaning. and i’ve finally worked up the courage to ask..

how do you think this illness starts? is it fueled by body image, or is it something else?

how and why does it progress? like what makes it worse and why?

when it gets really bad and you’re really unhealthy, do you realize it?

semi recovering and i can't do this shit anymore. if anyone's found a way to cope with this, or way to counteract it, please share

To stop being bulimic.

I'm now 2+ years completely healed from a 13 year bulimia hell.

I genuinely thought that I would have this illness until the day I passed away. I honestly did.

2+ years ago I was just done. My body was falling to peices and it had aged me so bad. My hair was very thin (Lost 50%). My teeth were crumbling and falling out all the time. I had an abscess in my face that was from a damaged tooth. The abscess was everywhere. Behind my eyes. Just everywhere. I looked terrible.

I just said. I need to do this and I need to do this now. The worst past was the food noise. The constant urges to binge. I just kept pushing through them. I never missed a meal. 3 meals and 3 snacks. If I was still ravenous I ate. I just kept doing it. 3 months in I noticed that when I ate a meal I felt.

... OK. I wasn't stressing and the food noise was alot less. I kept going... 6 months. I felt better. More energy. 1 year is where it all just went quiet. I could eat a simple sandwich and be full. Genuinely satiated. Every meal felt the same. No more food noise.

2+ years and it's 100% gone. I eat normal and feel satisfied every single time. I honestly thought I had destroyed my satiety hormones.

Honesty folks it is possible. A pill won't fix it. A therapist won't fix it. You are the one who can fix it. Don't let it get to the stage that I was. You might think your getting away with it. Your not. I tried all the tricks. They aren't helping.

You have to go through a rough period to get to the relief stage. Keeping busy was my best addition. If those voices were loud. I went a walk. I socialised with friends. I never let it over power me.

It wasn't all perfect though. I had to spend £5000/$8000 getting my teeth fixed. 8 extractions. 5 replacements. Endless fillings and root canals. Please don't get to this stage. Like I said. I tried all the tricks and it doesn't work. I had an abscess the size of a tennis ball inside my face. The purging just caused it to grow and grow. I'm lucky to be alive tbh.

I'm now looking my age again.

If you have scales at home you honestly need to give them away. Those gadgets are so toxic to us. I would also say to stay off Instagram and other photo sharing platforms. If you see these 'fake' beautiful 'slim' models then you will just fuel your disorder. Social media is a cess pit of mental health problems.

I know it will be hard but genuinely it's worth it. I would NEVER go back to that me ever again. Never ever again. When I say I was miserable I genuinely mean it.

You gotta fight and take back your old self. Just wanted to share that it's possible. I never have urges at all anymore. This is the best I've felt in years.

Best of luck.

I was just wondering if anyone else has this? I used to be insanely scared?/ had so much anxiety about eating anything but now it’s like i don’t care because i know im going to purge it anyway

ich habe vor kurzem eine Verdachtsdiagnose für atypische anorexie bekommen innerhalb einer therapeutischen Sprechstunde. Ich struggle schon seit längerer Zeit und die therapeutin meinte, dass es als chronisch gelten könnte, weil ich immer phasenweise mal mehr mal weniger probleme mit dem essen habe (dann mal strenger kcal zählen, weniger essen, mehr planen und kompensation durch erbrechen etc) Allerdings ist es nie ganz weg, mein Körperbild ist zum beispiel durchgehend schlecht und ich zähle immer kalorien.
trotzdem ist es atypisch weil ich normalgewichtig bin und meine periode noch habe und so..
Ich frage mich jetzt wie ich diese Diagnose wirklich bestätigen kann, also ich weiß dass das nur ein Therapeut oder Psychiater wirklich diagnostizieren kann, wenn ich mehrere Sitzungen hatte etc.
Ich war auch beim Hausarzt und habe eine Überweisung bekommen, bekomme aber trotzdem keinen platz weil nichts frei ist..
War jemand in der selben situation und wie seid ihr mit dieser Verdachtsdiagnose umgegangen?
ich denke nämlich trotzdem, dass ich nicht genug „leide“ oder es mir schlecht genug geht, um wirklich diese Diagnose zu machen. und ich kann zb mit meiner familie über mehrere Tage normal essen und schäme mich dafür, vor allem weil ich dann umso mehr denke, dass ich keine ES haben kann.
vielleicht kann jemand relaten <3

Throwing up buldak ramen is NOT for the weak 😭 one minute it’s in your stomach, next minute it’s in your nose. Just end me 😭

The only thing that terrifies me about throwing up is the erosion of my teeth. My mom has taken me to six-month checkups for as long as I can remember, and I just got my braces off a couple of months ago. They've already spent a fortune on my teeth. I'm already a fuck-up, and I don't want to put any more pressure on them. Does anyone know any way to protect my teeth—like a cover or something I can put on before throwing up? Or at least ways to reduce the damage?

I have recently been struggling as at every single event that we are all at I have gone to the bathroom and noticed that my brothers girlfriend has purged. I see them quite a bit and it happens every time without fail. He knows that she has a history of an ED but thinks she’s recovered. I’m worried about her and wondering if I should speak to him just to make sure that she can get treatment / is getting treatment. He’s a very kind and considerate guy and I know would handle it well. I don’t want to involve myself as I have my own history with it but have been in recovery and am quite far in that journey and doing quite well currently.. I also really struggle with how triggering it is and it makes me want to avoid these functions. Telling him is not to get involved, I’m just worried and want to make sure someone who cares about her knows and that she is getting treatment for it. What do I do?

Hi there... i am just curious about this but I've seen a lot of people here that say they purge over 65 times a day and I can't believe the amount of times. I mean.. for me is impossible to do that, the highest amount of times I had burped was 3 in a day so I was wondering if 65 times is possible without losing the gag reflex... or if its even possible in the day. I still don't get it.

I am 3 months b/p free. After 3 yrs in this hell that was taking away my life. Near d34th twice (potassium <1.5) and much more you guys KNOW the deal. I went through a ton of refeeding phases (yup even the edema that makes you ironically relapse because of body image so u get worse to lose the weight and then worsen it and swell more and etc) the whole nine yard. The entire horror movie. My body is literally looking better than ever (even when thats the last thing to pay attention to in this seriousness, i celebrate because I suffered too much with this its my first time having my desired body without an ed.) and much more other wins like normal hunger cues, sleeping with a full stomach without wanting to 💀, functioning with my work and relationships while being more present and energetic. the "nervosa" part of an ed is still not healed or perfect or where i want it to be but I am out of the danger and life consuming stage. And you can do it too i know you can. I promise you.

Might be inpatient time ngl

Does anyone else feel good when they use the bathroom after eating, like you're getting rid of the food you just ate (in a way)? I know it's not the same as purging or fasting after eating but it still makes me feel good to use the bathroom right after eating because it's like I got rid of the food. When I use laxatives I get the same feeling. Just curious if anyone else feels like this 😁