I'm a bulimic and an alcoholic and I think I'm gonna die
My bulimia started 3 years ago or so and it's gotten worse and worse. Then alcohol came in around 9 months ago. I've been mixing up alcohol with binging&purging ever since, and my health is declining dramatically. I get heart palpations, my head hurts even when I'm not hangover, my body's shaking all the time, I'm losing all the things that are worth living for.
I tried getting into AA, but two sponsors I met only could deal with one problem: alcoholism OR bulimia. But for me they are bound so close together that I can't work on just one of them and get better. So it doesn't fucking work.
I'm feeling desperate, pathetic and miserable. Alcohol made me gain weight, and tho I'm still on edge of being underweight, I hate my body so much, I can't look in the mirror.
Binges lead me to feel awful about myself & go and buy alcohol. Alcohol makes me forget the consequences of b/p & I go and buy food to b/p on.
I don't know how to get out of any of it. I tried therapy, I'm still trying AA, but none of it works. I'm genuinely think I'm gonna die soon either by offing myself while drunk (already happened almost) or having a heart attack.
If someone has gone through similar things, please let me know that I'm not the only one. I feel so alone, and that's the main reason for this post. Thank you to anyone who comments in advance.