u/Nichakin

Just binged and didn't purge for the first time in a while. I'm not sure how to feel about this, because ive got some sort of "hey I just binged, but I actually feel like I won't binge or purge tomorrow. I don't hope for it, I KNOW this" feeling for some reason. Also I'm pretty sure someone said you stop purging before binging.

But on the other hand I still feel guilty. I know my weight scale will go up, unlike maintain with purging. I just don't want to gain weight, I only started losing it after a long time and don't want to lose the progress. Is this is the type of misery you feel while recovering from bulimia??

Was planning my next binge purge, when realized how ridiculous it is. I genuinely don't know how to prevent the possible binging. Do I distract myself? Does going out for walks helped anyone?? I'm so anxious because I want to bp, but obviously I have to stop it somehow

As usually veggies snack turned out into a binge. Mom bought a big package of granola I couldn't resist. When I started purging understood that it won't come out easy. 3 tries after granola chunks came with blood and I stopped. I'm so scared because I never purged blood but at the same time I'm disappointed because probably my weight on the scale will go up tomorrow. I couldn't hate myself more

I really hate HATE lazy mornings. There is something alluring about binging right in the morning that I can't control it if I'm not busy with anything. And everytime I give in I just keep thinking "well I've already fucked up why even try" and it's such a bullshit. Because why does the perspective of eating and purging all day is so tempting, knowing damn well my lips will be dry, throat - sore and tired. I just purged and hope I won't do it again today. I'm exhausted

I'm 17 years old started stealing only recently. I've been regularly for 3 weeks and got caught in one shop. I have to pay a fine with my money and they threatened to put me on the score.

I told my mom about it, because I felt a deep guilt. Obviously she was disappointed, angry and confused. We live a stable life, I'm an ace student graduate and recently passed with maximum score on one of the national exams (something like SAT in US). I don't drink, smoke or party, so never had a bad influence.

But I do have a bad relationship with food, specifically bulimia. I ran out of my pocket money and only had my savings from holidays, so I thought if I spent that sum so quickly on something inexistent (vomit on the toilet) my mom would get suspicious .

So I started to steal, it started with small items like candy bars, but it grew bigger and to avoid getting caught started shoplifting on other stores. I genuinely don't know what have been moving me, I guess eating was such a big comfort for me that I justified it too much. Not being caught also played it's part, I wouldn't say it was a thrill but more the feeling you will never get caught?

As I said I was caught in one store, and very worried about getting caught in others too, so decided to just avoid those shops at all cost. It probably sounds bad, but how long do I have to avoid them to look cleaner for employees? I won't ever steal again, but at some point I will be in need to buy of a close store?

Anyway I feel shitty, but understand that I feel shitty that I was caught and that makes it worse for me. Do I have such bad morals?? My mom lectured me, and I genuinely understood I was feeling only guilty when caught. Like I kept going several times in several stores, I Had to have a nerve to continue to do so.

The start of this month was very rough for me. I spent all of my money on food I would bp, so what my dumb head decided?? Steal of course!

It's been going on for 3 weeks I think and today I was caught. I stole around 35$ and had to pay a check of 65$. I was warned that i can be put on juvenile offender monitoring. I graduated school and expecting scholarship, which would be impossible with me being in the arrest records.

I'm so freaking scared but I was shoplifting in multiple shops, so now I'm avoiding going at these stores at all. I don't want to be a staling bulimic. I don't want to ruin my life by purging stolen food. I want to be good, I want for my family to be proud of me.

I've been purging a lot less and I'm being able to control what I eat, I'm hoping to get good

Probably for some people this is a very stupid statement, but I've purged multiple times everyday for the last three weeks!! Was feeling kind of proud and I really don't have anyone to tell about this. I'm really hoping this isn't the last time

I just semi-binged(??) like uncontrollably ate for 15 min and stopped. My hunger cues are absolutely gone by now, so all I have is a weird volume fullness?? Like at this state a normal person would think they overate and stopped, but I genuinely feeling nothing but mental hunger. I don't NEED food nor will i properly enjoy it, because I ate at the speed of light.

So now Im physically full (I think). The worst is that i don't feel like painfully full, I can fall asleep without purging. But I can't stop seeking the feeling of absolute emptiness.

I want to purge so hard right now, just to feel a little bit more clean, but I know I shouldn't. How do i stop tormenting myself

After purging for awhile, neck started to hurt. Also when I'm purging the right side of my face (cheek?? I don't know something meaty inside) hurt really bad which makes it hard. Did anyone else have this???

It's probably a dumb question but can you pass out after intense purging while being healthy weight. I have a feeling like I'm faking that dizziness so I can feel better about weighting a normal amount. Like I feel very lightheaded lately but I'm not underweight so what's the point

I know I sound like an asshole, but sometimes I can't help how much person weights in certain situations. It's more of watching a vid where person struggles with something and talk about it, and my imidiate thought is always "well at least they're skinny, if they were fat as me it would have been worse". It's some sort of self-pity I always manage to accomplish. The person could go through horrible horrible things and I still think they're lucky enough to be skinny. This type of mindset has been ever since I can remember myself, even before my obvious Ed behaviors. How do you genuinely change something so rooten in your brain, how do I stop judging peoprl??

I swear to God I have NO control over unportioned food, so when someone buys it in my family I KNOW I'll eat it by myself accidentally. It always starts with a sliver, but then you take another and another, all while not allowing yourself to cut a normal slice. So I'm simply fooling myself until I realize I've eaten the WHOLE thing😭😭😭😭

Last two-three day has been on an awful bp bender. My body already was weak yesterday, but today my left side of a collarbone camps? Could it be something with heart or just body weakness?? It started hurting after like my third purge, and I'm getting a bit anxious, I DO have important exams in 2 weeks😅

I don't think I'll be able to get any professional help in the nearest future. So what can I DO?

I'm tired of eating and purging, I'm tired of the neverending cycle, even more tired of myself. I feel disgusting and secretive. Not long time ago I did the most disgusting thing I've ever done. I binged at the prom party so much my dress squeezed all my insides. so of course I threw up one the restaurant bathroom. Several.times. because I could not stop binging.it's getting so out of hand. SOS!!!!

I think shame played such a bug role in every Ed I've developed. But for some reason bulimia makes me anxious the most.

I keep reassuring myself that at least I don't feel as bad as during my BED phase, at least I don't feel disgustingly full. At least I throw up the half of my binges. But it's really not, the fear of being caught during the act, the shame of your family/friends finding out even more of your disgusting habits. And I just feel like I'm faking my disorder, if I really wasn't mentally alright I would starve and malnourish myself. So clearly im not bad enough, I still eat food, it doesn't matter that I get rid of it, I still eat it.

And absolute the worst is the hollow in your stomach. And you can't control your binge urges as you used to because you're even more obsessed with food than ever ( how is that even possible??) and every single thought revolves around eating.

I'm not even commenting the weight. If your binges as huge as mine your maintaining at BEST;((

Not a long time ago mom commented on my gained weight. Maybe she wasn't too harsh (she does want me to be healthy) but it triggered me so much. She kept saying that I need to lose weight and the worst part is me agreeing.

But the problem is that I genuinely feel no control over this, so I guess it felt like she spit in my face. I felt so worthless that even my mother noticed it, that I'm so bad at being normal healthy human being. so instead of idk DOING something about it, I straight up started eating.

I guess my mom's diet plan made me so devastated. It's just that I've read that during BED recovery you genuinely have to try to get better with food, even if it means gaining weight. Diet sounds so scary right now and I feel stuck. It's either diet but binging afterwards or recovering and gaining weight but not even trying hard enough for mom.

I know I sound childish, but I feel like my mom has such a huge impact on my self-esteem, despite trying to be an independent person