Screaming into the void
I love this community so much. You’ve all been so helpful over the past 2.5 years as I moved my Mom from CA to my town in assisted living. I have a therapist and so does my Mom but today I just want to briefly vent and hear your thoughts. Me 56f only child. Apologies for length!
My Mom (84) is a medically obsessed hypochondriac (always. Was sick as a kid and has embraced this as part of her identity). She keeps detailed daily records of her meds and every other aspect of how she is feeling. Has a whole ritual for taking her blood pressure and recording it. Has easily 11 doctors and specialists. Has IBS, gerd, osteoporosis. Is taking meds for anxiety.
This is a recent example but it won’t be the last, so I really need some perspective. She’s had diarrhea and GI distress for like 10 days now. We’ve gotten all the tests and are awaiting results. Friday afternoon she decides she is feeling worse, we go to urgent care who can’t do anything and to the ER. Rehydration. No new meds. Dr. Is clear to take immodium and await results. We were there from 4pm-12am.
But for this whole time—day after day—I am waking up to a string of texts saying she’s not doing well etc (it’s the same symptoms). Same thing today with a voice mail, she thinks she feels worse etc. Nothing can be done about any of this because we don’t have test results.
Every day I am hearing updates and being asked questions her doctors have responded to. It’s like this weird, medical co-dependence or something where her role is to flip out and then she gets attended to in the ER or hospital and seems happy as a clam (all things considered) and people to tests and so on. It’s attention-seeking behavior, because I have been to EVERY one of her doctors with her and I know where things stand. She’s in great shape for the shape she is in and no one is worried about her imminent demise except her.
This weekend in particularly resentful because this has been hours and hours and it’s an effing holiday weekend. I need a break. I’m a college prof who is working (teaching a class now) and launching my own business. I have basically three “jobs” at the moment. I need all the time I can get and it just gets absorbed. Husband is mildly helpful (dude the dishes are there. You have eyes).
Aaaaaaarrrgh!!! Breathe. I feel guilty being pissed at her but It’s just exhausting. 🪷