I think that I have reached the deepest low in my life. I have no reason to feel depressed, but it still lingers in my daily life.
I'm a 31 male, and have lost all desire to live, I feel like trapped in a monopoly game in which the only purpose in life is to acquire wealth and be as shallow as possible and have the perfect family, I feel like I have mastered wearing a fake mask around everyone and behaving like nothing is happening, nor do they have any reason to believe something is wrong with me, they say: "You are on track to sort out your life", I have this said often just to the fact that I have a car and I'll soon have a house, I understand that I'm expremelly previledged but if I could swap myself with anyone and just dissapear from existence, I would take the deal gladly.
Relationships? Nah, this ain't for me, did I mention that I'm gay? Well, the thing is, the idea of dealing with men, talking to them, or hooking up with them feels extremely tedious and boring; perhaps, I'm the boring one.
Idk guys, sometimes I just wish my parents were not around anymore, so I can cancel my subscription from this earthly plane without any regrets or fear that my parents will mourn me.
I often think that I need a change of my life, maybe join a Buddhist temple, renounce all my possessions and fall in love with a cute monk, could it be that the best medicine for my depression is a bald, cute bottom? Who knows!
Anyways, for anyone reading this, thanks for taking the time to read this mess of a post. I hope the universe gives you what you are looking for. XOXO ❤️