AITA for not wanting a relationship with my boyfriends mother?
I (25f) and my boyfriend (23m), we will call him “M”, have been together for a 1.5 years, still relatively early but our relationship is great, he’s my best friend and greatest love all in one. My issue lies with his mother. Let me first add I have tried to always be as polite and understanding as possible but things have reached a breaking point. M’s mother has always said inappropriate things around us, ex. She bought M a nail trimming kit then looked us dead in the eyes saying, “remember what I told you when you were young about women, keep your nails trimmed because of UTIs!”.. suggesting to him fingering me. I was so embarrassed as it was in front of many people on Christmas Day. M’s mother also told us a story on how she let her husband motor boat women because she “doesn’t have those goods so I mind as well let him get it somewhere else”.. I’m a pretty flat chested woman myself so it just felt super uncomfortable and targeted. The worst is when she grabbed M and forced a mouth kiss between them, it was incredibly uncomfortable to witness. M mentioned after it makes him uncomfortable, I had a hard time understanding why he hasn’t told her this. M’s mother also pits him and his brother against each other constantly, because of favouritism and money mostly. This has been increasingly stressful as M has gotten a good job and his family acts like they are owed something now. The worse part though is how M described his childhood, he told me his mother would scream and lose her mind at him telling him he’s unlovable, a failure and a criminal (he smoked weed) and it left such a deep scar that we can’t have disagreements without him completely shutting down for the fear that I’m going to act and speak to him in the same way. It’s heartbreaking. His mother never let him be his own person growing up, he never had any privacy as he got his door taken away and she would tell him to do absolutely every chore imaginable around the house so he couldn’t have a social life or hobbies. M quit smoking weed for a new job he got but was dealing with borderline psychosis, it was a rough couple weeks of withdrawal. M went to his mom and she tried to give him mushrooms… anyone in their right mind knows that would have been detrimental to his mental health and well being. His mom doesn’t want him doing good or getting away from her. It genuinely gave me the impression she wanted him so sick he would have to move back with her or something. This is just the tip of the iceberg, there’s so many more things that are insane to me. M and his mother have had conversations talking about their issues but his mother always blames it on her trauma and everything else and that it’s not her fault. It’s just how she was raised etc.. which I think is just bullshit. It all came to a head when he finally stood up to her again but got the same old responses like she always does. M just wants things to be fine and us to go for dinner there like everything is great. I don’t want to be around this woman. I broke and told him I worry about how she will act if we get engaged and married one day, and also how crazy she will be towards our kids. I personally want to cut her out of my life and not hear about their drama loop anymore. I don’t want her near me, she’s made me too uncomfortable too many times. M is very upset hearing this but understands to a point. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Am I overreacting to this? Is this wrong of me? AITA?