u/Agitated_Spinach86

Hello, looking for some advice regarding my 22 year old cousin who is the kindest and most thoughtful young woman you will ever meet. My cousin was diagnosed autistic as a kid but her mom didn’t “accept” it until my cousin was around 16. She doctor shopped trying to get the diagnosis reversed, thus delaying my cousin getting any kind of occupational therapy until she was 16 (when my aunt faced the music that it’s what her daughter needs) occupational therapy was great, she learned how to tie her shoes and got over her fear of eating food that was hot or cold (used to only eat room temp food). After my cousin graduated high school she no longer got therapy because her mom got too busy to drive her. Fast forward to now, my cousin is 22 years old and her mom is dead set on her learning to drive and move out. My aunt is constantly sharing posts on facebook about autistic people becoming doctors or lawyers or highly skilled musicians. I don’t ever want to doubt my cousins abilities, but my aunt is clearly trying to make her into a different person. I want to word this as gently as possible but I’m not sure my cousin can get a typical job, she was hired by a friend of the family to be a restaurant hostess but only lasted a few days. Customers were put off by her socially, found it hard to get her attention, and when a plate of spaghetti got knocked on the ground during a dinner rush she hid in the bathroom (it wasn’t her responsibility to clean it but for whatever reason it startled and scared her) the owner apologetically had to let her go. My aunt has tried to teach her to drive but it always ended in my cousin crying (understandably! Driving is a huge sensory experience, you have to use multiple senses and skills at once) public transit basically doesn’t exist where she lives. Realistically she could maybe stock shelves in a grocery store, but someone would have to be keen on hiring an autistic person because she doesn’t do well in interviews that expect neurotypical behavior. I haven’t even gotten into living alone. My aunt never taught her basic skills like dishes or laundry, I remember when we were teenagers she asked me if I could show her how to wash her clothes. I also taught her how to wash her hair correctly and detangle it as well as change the batteries in electronics. I was happy to do all these things, I adore my cousin. I have even tried to help her apply for disability but it always gets denied (I’m sure you all know how hard that can be!) My aunt is hell bent on my cousin moving out, constantly comparing her to her neurotypical sister. What can I do?