Love or Attachment?
I am agonizing over whether to stay or go. I fantasize daily about meeting new men and am dying to feel passion again, but the thought of ACTUALLY leaving my husband when he feels so familiar and comfortable is scary. I’m petrified of making the wrong choice either way. How do I know if what I feel for him is love or attachment? It’s been a very rough couple of years with the last year being particularly awful. He has problems with anger management and has said some really horrible things to me that I have trouble forgetting. He is nasty when he’s in a bad mood, which is often, but he really is a good man deep down and is loved by everyone. He knows that he has problems managing his temper, but says he’s the way he is because I make him miserable because I don’t give him love or attention. I look at him and cognitively I find him attractive, but don’t feel that pull towards him where I want to be affectionate. Am I just seeking dopamine and potentially making a huge mistake? I don’t want to waste my life with the wrong person and miss out on real connection, but I’m afraid to get out there and start dating and realize the grass isn’t greener. To make matters worse, he just lost his job. We have two kids, 7 and 3, who are very attached to me and would not handle 50/50 well. But they’re also witnessing the tension daily. My head is spinning and I feel so very lost.