AITA for taking her phone and standing my ground, or did I go too far?
AITA for taking my daughter’s phone after she embarrassed me, and now refusing to give it back?
I am 43F and my daughter is 17F, and things between us have been really tense lately. She has always been strong willed, which I used to admire, but now it feels like she just does whatever she wants and does not respect me at all.
This past weekend I took her to a family gathering at my sister’s house. Before we even went, I told her to be polite and stay off her phone for once, because she has a habit of ignoring people. She rolled her eyes but said fine.
Well, within an hour of being there, she was back on her phone, barely talking to anyone. My sister made a comment about it, kind of joking, and instead of just putting it away, my daughter loudly said something like, “Maybe if this family wasn’t full of whores I would actually want to talk.” The whole room went quiet. I was completely mortified. (For context, our family has a line of prostitution, but i never thought she would bring it up. Plus no one in her close family does that stuff, just grandmas, stepmoms and such. The reason im so mad is because she cursed, which i do not want in my house. our rule is "you can curse, but i dont wanna hear about it" and shes known that,.)
I pulled her aside and told her that was incredibly rude and she needed to apologize. She refused, and said she was just being honest, which felt like a slap in the face because that is exactly what she threw back at me. We ended up leaving early because I was so embarrassed.
When we got home, I took her phone as punishment, which I honestly have not done in years. She completely lost it, yelling at me, slamming doors, saying I care more about how I look to other people than about her feelings. I told her actions have consequences and that she would get her phone back when she learns some respect.
Since then, she has been ignoring me, refusing to do chores, and even told her dad, my ex, that I am “controlling,” so now he is texting me saying I am overreacting and making things worse. He was not even there, so that makes it more frustrating.
Part of me feels like I had to do something, because the way she spoke was unacceptable, especially in front of family. But another part of me is wondering if taking her phone and digging my heels in is just escalating everything.
AITA for taking her phone and standing my ground, or did I go too far