[QCrit] Adult - THE TIGER AND THE CRANE (99k/Attempt 3)
Hi again. I posted here about 7 months ago and got some good critiques. I've revised my book down to 99k, but I'm still snagged on the query letter. I just got rejected, and the agent "[encourages me] to re-work [my] query so that the plot points, obstacles, and character(s) attempts to overcome them are more clear." Below is the edited version of the initial query I sent.
I'll admit I don't quite know what else to add or how else to balance this. There's twists, but some understandably (to me, at least) reach the level of spoilers/details that would just go in the synopsis. Let me know what you think!
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I am seeking representation for THE TIGER AND THE CRANE, my Adult fantasy complete at 99,000 words. This story blends the power struggles and cultural depth of O.O. Sangoyomi’s MASQUERADE with the illusion of choice in Tasha Suri’s EMPIRE OF SAND.
Princess Chima of Okala will prey on anyone if it means getting money to explore the secret continent Okala has just discovered—including her own fiance, Prince Arvin of Niro. Their marriage is about money and power, so she is not above ordering her former personal guard, Captain Tibolin, to spy on Arvin, gain his trust, and deliver Niroan state secrets to her. Chima tells herself her naive fiance is nothing but a game piece, even as his sincere advances and a mysterious illness weaken her defenses.
Arvin hoped that his engagement would ease his bitter loneliness, but there’s no room for friendship in politics. He must do whatever it takes to get the upper hand in their prenuptial negotiations so that he can lift his home of Niro out of its economic decline, including following his mother’s orders and blackmailing Chima with false infidelity charges as soon as they meet. The alliance won't get support without a unified front, but Chima’s endeavor for power clashes with Arvin’s genuine attempts at friendship and his mother’s demand for his total obedience, putting the alliance at risk.
Their tumultuous engagement grinds to a halt when a brutal plague sweeps half the continent, consuming nearly everything in sight. Suspiciously, Niro’s left intact, but Okala’s hopes for domination come to an end. Now Chima struggles to keep Okala safe during a plague that echoes her mysterious illness, and Arvin’s forceful attempts at independence open a rift between himself and his mother. Seeking stability among the chaos, Arvin and Chima form a tenuous friendship—only to learn that they’re each harboring a grave secret that will destroy their marriage. Niro won’t give desperately needed disaster relief to Okala without their union, but Chima begins to drown under the pressure of her secret. As Arvin grows closer to Tibolin, Chima loses everything she holds dear, and the bodies mount, Arvin and Chima must choose whether to expose each other or save their nations.
[bio/sign off]