r/PubTips

ONE STAR is an 75,000-word horror satire that combines the beauty-and-wellness nightmare of Ling Ling Huang’s Natural Beauty with the privileged guests, smiling staff and steadily escalating social savagery of The White Lotus. It is about the strange modern bargain between people who believe paying for something entitles them to perfection and the businesses that would do almost anything for five stars.

Bridgette Edgar has written 312 online reviews, and she stands by every one of them.

The café that charged extra for oat milk deserved two stars. The Airbnb with someone else’s toenail in the shower was lucky to get one. And Serenity House, the luxury wellness retreat where Bridgette spent four miserable days drinking celery water and being encouraged to “sit with her hunger,” deserved every word of the review she posted on the train home.
One star. Beautiful location. Deeply unpleasant people. Save your money.

Six months later, Serenity House invites her back.
The weekend is free, travel is included and, most surprisingly, the apology doesn’t contain the words we’re sorry you feel that way. Bridgette accepts.
When she arrives, she finds eleven other guests, all of whom have previously stayed at Serenity House. All of whom hated it. All of whom said so online.
Management couldn’t be happier to see them.
Serenity House is launching a weekend devoted to customer feedback, and the staff have taken the guests’ criticism very seriously. A man who complained that the staff were invisible is ignored completely. A woman who wrote that her room lacked privacy discovers that hers now has glass walls. Bridgette, who complained about going hungry, receives an eight-course breakfast while everyone else gets herbal tea.

It is petty, expensive and, Bridgette has to admit, quite funny.

Then one of the guests disappears.

The next morning his phone and luggage are still in his room, but the staff insist he checked out early. His one-star review has disappeared too.
In its place is a new one.
Five stars. Life-changing. I left a different person.
By lunch, another guest is missing.

Bridgette came back to Serenity House expecting an apology and perhaps a free massage. Instead, she finds herself trapped at a retreat that appears determined to achieve a perfect rating by correcting the only thing standing in its way: its customers.
And Bridgette didn’t just give Serenity House one star.
She wrote 2,846 words explaining why.

Hello Reddit! I'm finally on final line edits so thought I should ask for some feedback on my query letter. Any feedback is greatly appreciated - I fear I've been staring at this thing for far too long.

Dear [NAME],

A WITCH’S GUIDE TO CORPORATE ESPIONAGE is a 90,000 word cozy fantasy romance, told by a curmudgeonly narrator. It combines the hijinks and self-aware humor of The Ornithologist's Field Guide to Love (India Holton), the rivals-to-lovers romance and footnoted details of Emily Wilde’s Encyclopedia of Fairies (Heather Fawcett), and modern village setting and complex family dynamics of A Witch’s Guide to Fake Dating a Demon (Sarah Hawley).

Mara’s last sleeping draught grew tentacles and broke into the village bakery. Unfortunate, since it was supposed to prove she was ready to take over her dead mother’s world famous apothecary. Days before ownership will be decided, Witch Corp–mass potion manufacturer and her mother’s nemesis–open a store in town. With it, Mara sees a way to secure her inheritance: find evidence Witch Corp’s selling fraudulent cures. 

The plan hits turbulence when, while scouting Witch Corp, Mara crashes–err, lands her broom atop Eli. His many crimes include a gelled coiffure, apprenticing to Mara’s mother and being the only other person who could claim the apothecary. Mara would rather wrestle the nine-mouthed demon Eli calls a cat than exchange five civil words… until she discovers the hexes protecting the building. So, she makes a reluctant deal. Eli uses his (reliable) magic to break in; Mara provides the plants he needs for the last potion of his apprenticeship. 

Air conditioning ducts lead to an underground manufacturing facility and fleeing across a lake, pursued by a mermaid. Unravelling Witch Corp's lies requires Eli’s continued help. Worse, he becomes almost tolerable. Making pancakes. Brewing potions. Sharing grief about his own mother’s passing. Possessing not quite abs, but an interesting something under his shirt. As the clock ticks, Mara must decide whether she can rely on the one person she can't trust to prove she's worthy of her mother’s legacy, and whether anyone who protests this much about hair can have anything but nefarious intentions.

I live in (City), Australia with my husband and two dogs. I graduated with distinction from a Bachelor of Fine Arts (Majoring in Creative Writing). I also write professionally, though corporate sales proposals, not about witches.

Hi. It’s my first time and I’m scared.

Dear (agent),

[personalization]

I am seeking representation for PANDEMONIA, my adult fantasy romance complete at 90,000 words. It merges the dark whimsy (and unapologetic silliness) of EMILY WILDE’S ENCYCLOPAEDIA OF FAERIES by Heather Fawcett with the emotionally charged rivals-to-lovers romance of A DARK AND DROWNING TIDE by Allison Saft, while subverting classic genre tropes. Set in an alternate 19th-century world, PANDEMONIA reimagines the pagan mythology and fantastical creatures that fascinated Victorian society.

The great god Pan is dead, and Elodie is to blame. 

When a frightening goatish fellow corners Elodie on Midsummer’s Eve, the ambitious housemaid never suspects she’s driving her kitchen knife into the ancient god-king of the Otherworld. Yet skewering a deity soon proves the happiest mishap of her life. Believing Elodie to be their prophesied savior, a pack of grateful nymphs bows to her as their new queen, and Elodie pounces on the chance to con her way out of a life of drudgery.

There is only one foil to her scheme: Pan’s son Sylvan, a world-weary libertine with impotent empathy magic, and the true heir to the throne. Elodie’s very existence threatens his right to kingship, and his opportunity to gain absolute respect while doing absolutely nothing. Naturally, he isn’t yielding without a fuss.

But selecting their rightful ruler proves delicious entertainment for the cunning forest-folk council. They devise a sensationalized competition to decide whether Elodie or Sylvan is fated to lead. The stakes are thus: The victor will be crowned and celebrated. The loser will be deemed a traitor and fed to a peckish dragon named Hargon.

Determined to win, and evade Hargon’s gnashing maw, the pair compete in the garish spectacle. But with each harrowing test, their ire dampens: Sylvan is reluctantly charmed by Elodie’s indomitable spirit, and Elodie discovers Sylvan’s droll cynicism masks an unusually tender heart. Despite the couple’s dawning realization that they make better lovers than rivals, they are irreversibly bound to the immortal oath that decrees one shall rule, and one shall die. 

I live in Colorado, where I go on epic quests with my toddlers, meander along mountain trails, and drink impressive amounts of tea. As a librarian’s daughter, I was raised among bookshelves and decided to stay forever. 

Warmest wishes,

Redacted

Open to any feedback. So far I have sent out 40 queries. My first query sent out got a full manuscript request from my dream agent. Still waiting to hear back (it’s only been 4 weeks). Since then, I have gotten 7 rejections and silence from the other 40 agents. I feel like something isn’t clicking. But I’m unsure if I should change it since it did work for my ideal agent. Any thoughts??

Complete at 79,000 words, THE JESTER’S GAME, is a YA fantasy with romance elements that has similar whimsy fantasy elements as Stephanie Garber’s Once Upon a Broken Heart, along with the epic tournament style of Alex Aster’s, Lightlark. This is a standalone novel with series potential. 

Valentina Quinn mourns her childhood love, Emmett, who recently passed. He left her a letter the night he died confessing his love for her. When she and her best friend, and sister of her crush, see a large ship pass by, they recognize it as La Ressurrección, the infamous magical ship where The Jester throws a deadly competition once a year where he revives the life of the winner’s choosing.  

Valentina lives in the Shallows, the part of Veradelle where only criminals reside. Her mother and her manage and live in a brothel posed as a tavern, while her father is a pirate who collects enchanted tokens. Valentina always dreamed that marrying Emmett would be her way out of the Shallows, though, until he died, she never knew he felt the same. When Valentina is caught helping one of her mother's ladies escape the brothel by the owner, he fires Valentina and her mother and gives them two weeks to find a new home. Valentina wishes Emmett were still alive even more so now, knowing that his dowry would secure Valentina and her mother's future.  

That night a mysterious man comes to the tavern and leaves two free tickets to the infamous Resurrection Games competition. Desperate to bring Emmett back to life, her and her best friend enter The Resurrection Games. 

It’s not long on the ship before the charming and cruel Jester seeks Valentina out and offers her a deal. He will rig his game in her favor if she procures a magical token for him from her pirate father. But soon, Valentina realizes that negotiating with a magical being isn’t as fair as she once thought. And she is hiding a secret of her own that puts her at dire risk, all while fighting the slow burning attraction growing between them. If she can’t provide him with what he is looking for, she will lose Emmett for good, and her way out of the Shallows, forever.