I feel bad that my parents ever conceived me
I'm a 16y and I feel like ive just been so awful to my parents and for so long I tried to convince myself that I wasn't. My parents have gone a long way to give me everyhting I have. My father works from mon-sat waking up at 5:00 am to get to work at 6:30 am and finishes work at 5:00pm. I complain about being at school for 6 hours while he has to go to the job he doesn't even like for almost 11 hours just to come back home to an ungrateful brat. I don't know what's going on with me, i've never been a kid that was so called disrespectful or unloving to my parents. I'm pretty sure that growing up I was definetly my parent's favorite to raise, I barely cried as a child, never a picky eater, always smiled and was always there for them. But it's like ever since I turned 13 i just feel like i've been such a bitch. I yell at my parents all the time, I never help in the kitchen (because apparently I just have mountains and MOUNTAINS of work... i dont, im in highscool) and I barely help take care of my little sister. But the worst thing about it all is that I really didn't think I was in the wrong until now. Yesterday, I woke up super late for school, like REALLY late, like 50 minutes after I usually wake up. So because of this, I didn't brush my teeth, I didn't shower, basically the only thing I did in the morning was grab my bag, and put on any piece of clothing in my wardrobe. After I got in the car literally 5 minutes after i woke up and I was just with my dad, and he asked me if I brushed my teeth and I obviously said no. He became a sort of mad and dissapointed combination, telling me things like "Your friends won't come close to you" and "You should've brushed your teeth, now your teeth will be smelling" but the way he said this was not in a "I care about you and that's why im telling you this" but more of a "Im disgraced to be considered as your father. So that was the second thing that tipped me off in the morning. Now to add to all of this, it was Pajama day (yay...) and there was a bake sale too. Im apart of my schools Student Council and WE planned pajama day, and I completely forgot about it, completely. I felt so bad because I felt like I wasn't being as included in Student council as I should be. I wasn't coming to weekly meetings, I wasn't helping come up with events, I was practically useless. So honestly the fact that I forgot these things really meant a lot more then it should have, cause now I was being a shit StuCo member. From all of the things that happened that morning, I was just so enraged, then I started swearing. shouting the f word as soon as I saw my friend (a non-stuco member) in a full blown pajama set. Then I just got really mad and I shut the car door... HARD, and all of my dad's coworkers saw to see how he couldn't raise his child right even though he wasn't at fault. I was a disrespectful, spoiled asshole. But the biggest misfortune in this was i didn't see the fault in my actions until I got scolded back at home and I started crying not because I was a bitch to my parents but because they told me I was basically grounded for the next month, and I won't go to prom. At the end of the day the only reason why I'm writing this is because of my selfishness. I hate myself and I understand why my parents do aswell. I forgot to bring my baked good, I forgot to wear something as simple as pajamas, and apparently I also forgot the love im supposed to have for my parents. But the thing is I really want to be better, I want to live a good life, I want to have family that will be at my graduation, but I just don't know how I keep my anger issues down, and my attitude.