u/Airjordan2288

Hello everyone, I’ve been on this thread for about a month now trying to help and cope with my discard. I’ve seen so many similar stories to mine and it just leaves me in bewilderment as to how everything happened. I’ve needed to get my story out there to help me heal according to my therapist to write it down, so this group has helped me so far. I’m going to put it all out here as well too. I will do the best I can with my spelling errors and details

I 56M met her 53F
In July 2024 on Bumble
She sought me out first and we hit it off right away. We had a lot of similarities many things in common, especially our bond of music which we love pretty much all of the same artists and it seems went to many of the same concerts. We chatted for about a week and then met the next week and the date was amazing. We met again two days later for coffee just to see if the vibe was still there and it was.

Instead of rushing into something where we both were letting our emotions control the feeling, we decided to really take this slow. I was coming out of divorce a year before, and she was also coming out of a relationship recently so dating and taking things very slow was fine by me in fact, we ended up going on 13 dates between July and October before we even became intimate which happened to be on her birthday.

During this three months, I thought I had found the perfect person and so did she. She loved bombed me ( I didn’t know what that was at the time. I just thought she was really into me)

She would send me these amazing sexy flirty pictures to me late at night, dressed and provocative, lingerie and sexy poses and it would just drive me insane and told me that I was this great amazing person and I ate up every word of it because I never had anybody talk to me like this before and I also need to say this, she is devastatingly beautiful no hyperbole there. She is probably one of the most beautiful women in the world like a solid 11 and that in itself had me seeing hearts in my eyes every time I looked at her.

Once we became intimate, the relationship went to another level
But it didn’t come without some hardship
The previous guy she had been dating had been trying to win her back. Sending letters text emails phone calls. She began blocking him She had told him under no uncertain terms since they broke up in March that she was not interested anymore and he needed to move on, but he didn’t once he found out, I was in the picture he ramped up the rhetoric quite a bit. The letters became unhinged, and she had a certified stalker on her hands.

He somehow found out who I was and got my phone number and started texting me
And looking back on it now, maybe I should’ve listened to what he had to say it first but because of the way he came after her with vile language, calling her names and other things he seemed like a lunatic

But in December 2024, he sent me a text telling me hey man, I don’t want any problems with you but you need to know what you’re getting into with this one she’s fucking crazy man she will use you and spit you out and not look back

Again, because of all his rants and him still emailing and texting her that he still wanted to be with her, I didn’t see these words at all of anything but a jaded ex-boyfriend who was trying to get me out of the picture

He ended up attacking her in March 2025 in front of her house in front of her mailbox because she was not returning his calls so he ended up showing up. He got arrested for it and he ended up serving 45 days in jail for aggravated, stalking and assault. She had a few bumps and bruises. But also some ptsd from it
He left her alone after that

By this time, I was deeply in love with her and would’ve done anything to protect her. We both lived apart and did not live together at all, but we would see each other four or five times a week easily. During this phase. We introduced each other to our families. She spent time with my family for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthday parties. She became a member of my family and they all adored her. I met her son. She met my daughter. We started going on trips together vacations to Disneyland so many concerts and everything was perfect.

Around the summer of 2025 is when I began to notice some of her behaviors were lacking, especially when it came to communication and if I shared an issue with her that bothered me, she became very defensive right away and would turn it around on me somehow, as if it was my fault I didn’t know what to think about these things so because I did not like the way she came back to me instead of fixing the problem. I started to shrink myself big mistake. I felt like I couldn’t bring anything up to her yet she had no problem telling me anything about my issues my flaws.

But things were still great with us. We had several trips planned for our future in 2026 and I couldn’t be happier other than a few minor things here and there that happened that made me kind of shake my head, but I thought it’s just normal stuff.

She grew up in the Mormon church and was the youngest of 6 kids. She got married out of high school and was married to her first husband for almost 20 years and from what I understand, it was not a good marriage at the end. There was some domestic abuse in there and infidelities on her husband’s part. She had two children from this marriage, which looking back now she is really estranged from both of those kids. She got married two more times when marriage was for one year the other marriages for seven years both again and badly and divorce. And had another son that was 14. He and I got along pretty good as well

He was around for the stalker ex and said that I was way better than he was. As he and his mom fought all the time and we never fought.

She told me that her husbands were monsters, and they took advantage of her and everything a Phantom ex sounds like, and I of course, believed every word of it
She was the innocent victim in everything

As things progressed with us, we had now been dating about 17 months she went home to see her mother around Christmas time in December 2024 and this really began our downfall of our relationship

When she went to go see her mother she accidentally found some paperwork emails and letters that were written to her parents about seven years ago from some of her sisters and family members were they shunned her for leaving the church called her a sinner and a whore and that she should not be in the family will

Her seeing these letters just caused a. giant crack in her heart and the weight of the stress began to crush her

She called me crying at what she found and it broke her, she felt real betrayal and loss by her family members having these thoughts about her

She came back from that trip a changed person. She became very negative about everything. She dug in really hard about fighting back with her sisters at what she found, and it became everything. She put all her time into after that which slowly began to affect our relationship. she became very adversarial at her family and at me as well. She started to pick apart my flaws, start petty arguments and fights over everything from her dog to a show we would watch on Netflix to not folding the towels the right way to ordering the wrong thing for dinner

I would talk about these things, but the more they were happening, I could easily see she was pulling away from me. Her texting dried up. She wasn’t calling me as much anymore. Any text she did share with me had to do with the family fighting that was going on because of the letters they were really at war with each other and people were taking sides

When I tried to bring up that she was wasting too much negative energy on this than that she wasn’t taking time for me anymore she said that I was being too clingy and needy, and I needed to take a pause. This is when I first started learning about attachment styles, and I was an anxious attachment and she was avoidant attachment.

I felt danger coming, but we persevered and started pushing through things January and February happened. We had a great Valentine’s Day and those feelings of normalcy would come again made me feel happy even though they were coming further apart I longed for the good moments even when we had four bad days in a row that one day would make up for it.

In March 2026, we had a very bad argument after a concert. We had both been drinking and I was very tired after the concert, but she pushed my buttons once again about something and I asked what was wrong with her? This was an argument at two in the morning. I felt things escalating and I said maybe I should just go home tonight and let’s sleep on this and let’s touch base tomorrow. She blew up at me.

I will take a step back right here to explain some things as well in December 2024 her father had a stroke. She went home to go see him and he died three weeks later. This also broke her, but I was there for her when he died, I helped with the funeral arrangements. I drove her up out of state with Her and her son got a hotel for us to attend. I was there for her in so many ways beyond this because that’s what a good boyfriend does.

I helped fix things around her house. I helped her send packages back to UPS. I helped her maintain her education credits for her job. I watched her house and dog when she left on trips I picked up prescriptions from her. I took her to doctor appointments when I would do this, she appreciated it and called me the sweetest man ever and that nobody was ever there for her before like I was for her.

I was emotionally available for her for everyone of her needs, and I met them consistently, but at the price of losing pieces of myself

I gave everything I could to her to help her heal from her trauma of her exes

Back to our argument on March 7, she blew up at me and started saying some crazy shit

“Maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore I feel like you manipulated me into this relationship when my father died and when I was going through the things with my stalker, you caught me at a vulnerable time in my life. I only wanted to be friends, but you had to pursue me to be a girlfriend to put a label on me to own me.”

I was absolutely floored by what she was saying

Where was this coming from? Because none of it was true her words and actions led me to believe that she wanted to be in relationship. I have reams of text and pictures of us in happy times she told me she loved me first, so yeah this was coming out of somewhere which I had no idea.

I ended up leaving that night, confused scared, tired, and worried and I reached out to her the next day, but she had blocked me on her phone. She had literally blocked me.

She ended up unblocking me, but said that maybe we needed to take a week or two apart to reassess things

We took the two weeks came back together started talking again and on April 4 we had sex for the last time and it was great and I thought we were back on track and on April 5 in the morning she started up a huge argument again saying crazy things that we’re not true about me wanting to take over her life at her house and that I was trying to control her and that I would end up hurting her just like her exes did because that’s what everybody does in her life

Once again as things started escalating and getting out of control, I said I’m going to takeoff for a couple of hours and step back from this because it’s not good for us to fight like this. Let’s calm down.

I was gone 10 minutes from her house and I got a notification from Facebook saying that she is no longer in a relationship with me on Facebook. She had removed that status like a small petulant child. Keep in mind. She is 53 years old. She is a grown ass woman.

Once again, I gave another pause to let her decompress and we had still texted and talked and try to get things in order. She called me over to her house on April 19 and I thought OK we’re gonna have a real serious talk here.

Well, we had that serious talk and she had all my stuff packed up all my things and told me that I needed to take my stuff and leave that she no longer wanted to be with me that she felt she couldn’t trust me because of the way that I would overreact when she was just talking to me. I tried to explain to her that those were just emotions that were happening in the moment and this is repairable and fixable she said she hated feeling vulnerable around me

I then asked her if there was someone else in the picture because I started to get that feeling in February when her texting and tone dried up with me was there someone else getting her attention that I was not aware of I had no reason to really even believe it, but something just wasn’t making sense with me. She said no that was not the case at all that she just feels there’s too much going on in her life right now that she can’t be with somebody with everything else that’s going on in her life maybe we can retouch in the future maybe we could stay friends all the usual BS you get from a breakup

I started crying tears of pain. She had been thinking about this for over a month now and was planning her escape and her exit and finally got to it. She ended our terms of service on her terms. I had no say in the matter just here you go thanks for the memories. Goodbye.

My crying started to upset her. She said that I was trying to manipulate her by making her feel bad.
I gathered up my things. I gave her a big hug and also hugged her dog Goodbye as well as I had really bonded with the dog too

We were both still on each other socials and we didn’t block each other’s phone number at all because who knows but I went no contact for about three weeks. I reached out to her on Mother’s Day just to say happy Mother’s Day and she said thank you but we did not continue any dialogue other than that.

But she removed me from everything else in her life. We had a shared calendar. We had a location finder. She was slowly dismantling me from those pieces of her life that were once so important as I kept her schedule for her and her appointment and all these things that made me available to her that was probably better for her to start doing on her own again.

Last week she left out of town on a business trip and I could see pictures of her trip. She was posting on Facebook and I was supposed to go on this trip with her when It was talked about two months ago obviously that did not happen.
one of the things she forgot to disconnect was our shared photo file. Any pictures that she put into the file would show up on my phone

And in her hotel room last Wednesday some pictures showed up in that file And the pictures I saw that night absolutely gutted me. She had taken eight selfies in lingerie and hair and makeup and sexy underwear provocative poses.

the same type pictures two years earlier when we were dating when she took a trip out of town

Flirty, sexy saying things like “do you like what I’m wearing I wore this for you tonight. I really miss you. Can’t wait to see you again.”

Those are the type of pictures that put me over the moon with her

And now 2 years later, she’s taking those same pictures again but only now I know it’s for someone else she had already moved on to somebody else barely 3 weeks after discarding me and that made me realize that she had been seeing somebody else or talking to them at least previously

And now this new guy is getting the same treatment that I got the love bombing the flirtiness using her face and body as a weapon to draw me in and make me hooked, and now this person was getting that too

It made me think back to her stalker guy when he contacted me to tell me that she was insane and nuts and she would use me and throw me away and of course I was not going to listen to him then as he really was dangerous

But he was right that she would discard me because that’s probably what she did to him too

But this has absolutely gutted me

I ended up texting her the next day telling her that I saw her pictures from her trip and that it looked like it was a good time she said thanks I hope you’re doing fine. I said I’m not doing fine. I’m still processing a lot from our break up and one of the things I cannot get over is how quickly that you have moved on to someone else

I didn’t tell her how I knew that because she did not realize that she did not deactivate that folder. She still doesn’t know.

She said what are you talking about? I’m not seeing somebody else that I’m being crazy and I’m overwhelming her on her trip and that I need to stop doing this.

Immediately after that, she blocked my phone number and blocked me on Instagram and Facebook

I basically caught her in a lie and called her on it without telling her how I knew and today I sit here one month later after the discard ruminating over what I thought were 20 good months of a relationship and any disagreements we had or miscommunications were very fixable. I never yelled at her. I was good to her. I was kind to her and her son. I gave so much of myself for her to be happy and she just threw it away like garbage.

And to know that she’s already moved on while I’m still sitting in the emotional wreck of my heart break hurts beyond anything and I’m just learning that these people are sick. They really should classify this as a mental disorder
to get somebody to believe that they love you and care for you and would do anything for you and find out that it’s all just a lie that they go through these phases and when they’re done they’re done they don’t care about what they did to you. They feel nothing.

I have 1584 pictures of us over the last 20 months in our happy times laughing, smiling, hugging, kissing dancing and I have to question if any of it was real or not. I am 56 years old and I have lived and experienced a lot of things in my life, but I never thought I would experience a heartache like this at this age when I thought I’d found my forever person. I am damaged right now.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. I want to reach out to her, but I can’t because she’s blocked me. I don’t wanna just show up on her doorstep to confront her. I guess I can write her a letter in the mail, but what it will even do any good

I will come across as the petty ex-boyfriend, but she needs to have a light shined on her behavior. To be exposed for what she is and how she hurt me. I’m sure she’s villainized me to her family and made me out to be this bad person which I’m not, and I hate that

this is probably one of the most brutal pains that I’ve ever gone through because every day I wake up with the same pain and I’m doing things to better myself I’m back in the gym. I’ve lost 14 pounds I’m walking. I’m reading. I’m journaling. I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to do to get over a heartbreak and I’m just not there yet. I’m not even close to it.

I am trauma bonded to her and also feel betrayal bond because she lied to me

Thank you for listening to my story. I know there’s a lot of other details. I’ve left out because so much happening with us in our lives and I will try to remember some of them and edit this if possible I was there for a lot of traumatic experiences in her life literally picking her up off the floor when she was depressed about her father to get her moving again.

She told me she loved me, but her actions when things got difficult showed that she could not take that love and apply it for us to work together. She found it easier just to let me go and find somebody else that knows nothing about her to start all over so she can wear that mask again.

This is a cruelty beyond anything and borderlines on evil

I’m spiraling today

I went out on a date last night

One month post discard. I’m ready to tell my story.

I’m struggling today

I broke no contact today. 21 days