I did a relationship audit and the guilty trip stopped
Context
I was in a 3 years relationship. We wanted to get married and I had introduced her to my family and she had to her sister. For both of us it was our 1st adult relationship.
The fight and breakup
She broke up with me in April 1st week, because on a big misunderstanding about my intent behind messaging a girl.it was not harmful, I am working to build my startup and reach out to anyone I think will be useful.
This girl in particular had a heavy chest and was an influencer, I like heavy chest and you guys can piece the fight on your own.
She broke up with me and told me she will never come back. I got angry as well at the disproportionate reaction and said ok go idc.
Sister intervention and the truth
Her sis Came to know and did an intervention, she asked me to come after she had completed the intervention.
I went with flowers and talked to her. She still wanted nothing to do with me. But the truth came out, she wanted to be pampered and to be felt seen. I had not done it after year 2, this had built resentment in her and she leveraged the big chested girl situation to break up.
I broke
This was a shocker to me. I got played. I have severe imposter syndrome and i usually take factual feedback as a high priority signal to evolve.
But the side effect is you can blind side me using this.
Similar thing happened, I went into a spree of planning a roadmap to gain skills required for maintenance of a relationship and. Started learning and experimenting.
But this heavy feeling would not go away. It stayed with me for 4 days
The breakthrough and audit
I suddenly remembered how i always bais for self improvement and get blind sided by such input.
So I went the other way i opened my journal from the mid of relationship and found entries that don't look like to be written by a happy man in a relationship. There were multiple mentions of communication problem, prioritizing problem by me.
I launched a relationship audit, i vomitted everything i remembered and things that were mentioned in journal into ChatGPT. And my lord it seems i wasn't doing great in the relationship either. I was just so much in love and admiration of the person.
The result
I don't even know if I want to get back with her. The way she treated me was really bad. My mind says this but my heart still wants to get back.
Next steps
Continue on my improvement journey
I'll see after a couple of months if I want to get back with her. If yes after improving I might try to meet and evaluate if she has improved or not.
FYI
She is also aware of her shortcomings and is going on a solo trip to sort things out.
I hope she improves and reflects.