u/AkhMourning

The topic of monogamy vs. non-monogamy comes up very often here. I feel there are many reasons why someone may lean in one direction or the other and I’m curious if you’ve thought about why that may be?

Personally, I think there’s a few fundamental reasons:

1. “temperament”: people have different personality types/temperaments. Introverts/extroverts, that sort of thing. I think relationship styles are kind of similar. Some people just thrive under different conditions and it’s just how they are.
2. “Safety vs. freedom”: they’re not polar opposites and we likely all value both, but I think the people who want monogamy value safety/security (in relationships) and the people who are non-monogamous value freedom (from oppressive norms in relationships) and that’s where the disconnect is. Being open is a threat to security.safety in monogamy and being restricted is a threat to freedom type of thing.

I could go on (the influence of heteronormativity, hedonism, biology, sociology, personality disorders, dysfunctional coping, etc). I just think the fundamental disconnect has to do with your own temperament/personality type and whatever deep seated wound many gays have of feeling unsafe and/or caged.