I met the love of my life (or so I thought until this morning). She is originally from Brazil, currently living in the US for work, and I live in India. We met six years ago on Telegram. We started talking and clicked instantly, fell in love with eachother or i fell in love with her so hard that i cant even imagine a life with another women kinda love. In my entire life that was the happiest ive ever been since i lost my parents. we had out ups and downs, we have "broken up" or stopped talking several times, one time having to go our separate ways. we did not speak for almost five years.
I dated other girls during that time, but nothing felt real. it didn’t feel like love or anything close to it. About a few months ago, Instagram suggested her profile to me for some weird reason. I thought it was destiny or some other bs. I hesitated at first but eventually decided to text her.
She didn’t reply for a day, so I asked if she knew who I was. She recognized me but was hesitating to reply. but then we started talking again and, just like it was five years ago, I still got butterflies talking to her exactly like I did back then. i never got this feeling with anyone in my life, even the girls i met in real life, i didnt feel this with anyone but her. She said to me that she felt the same and was looking for me all this five years....
Yet, for some reason, within a week I am no longer the person she wants to be with and she replaced me with someone else.
We didnt had a title all this years and then one day she asked me if i can be her boyfriend we were in love with each other and all but we never had that title so i was really happy and was over the moon for the next few weeks...
Everything was going well until that night we talked and ended the call, and when I woke up, there were no calls and no texts from her. I thought she might be tired and went to sleep. I waited a day and decided to text her, and she acted normally, like nothing had happened and talked for a few days and she asked me if i want to ask her something and we started fighting saying why im not reacting to her behaviour.... i reacted and we fought and didnt talked for some days and i got a phone call from her early morning she telling me that she miss me and stuff. i thought we will be back together again but i didnt know that was the last time i will be hearing her sound...
we talked for some time and she went to sleep, next day i texted her and she started acting cold and distant and yk how girls act when they want to end something. i tried again again to talk to fix things. i knew she didnt want me anymore but somewhere deep in my mind i thought things will turn and we can be together again and i can finally move to her country to live with her... but she had other plans.
i didnt bother her for two weeks and yesterday i couldnt hold me back and texted her and as usual, she treated me cold and i still had hope until she said she is seeing someome... she was my life she was my favorite person on this planet and she was all i had left in plant to cling on to life... and she telling me that she is seeing someone else broke me in ways i cant even imagine... i couldnt sleep last night i stayed up all night then this morning i decided to text her again only to hear something even worse...
I texted her and she was drunk and depressed for some reason. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that the guy she was seeing hurt her by saying that she is not a "long-term relationship" kind of girl. A man she barely knew for a week told her that she is not relationship material. the girl I would have given my life for, the girl I would have crossed seven oceans for, the girl i planned my whole life to be with and some guy she met a week ago said this to her. I was so crushed hearing this, and I tried to calm her down and said some things, and then she said something that will give me trauma for the rest of my life.
"Someone that only wants sex wouldn't invite you to spend three days at their place," she said this to me. My body started shaking, and at this moment while writing this, my body is shaking, questioning everything about life. Everything she told me, all the plans we made for the future, the marriage, our kids' names everything was for nothing.
I might be too naive or something to think that my ex sleeping with another man shouldn't be my business, but I am sad, I am depressed, and more broken than I have ever been. I lost the will to live; I lost the will to wake up. I lost the will to do anything in life. I don't feel like living anymore because the only reason I was alive this whole time was because of her, and she is gone... the girl who I fell in love with died the moment she slept with someone. Im shaking right now thinking if i should end everything to stop this suffering.
i lost everyone in life. i dont have anyone in this world anymore so why should i exist in this cursed world?