u/Alarming-Molasses847

Good book, though!

Percival peed on me last night. Like, a Niagara Falls/Amazon river type of flood. Based on how I was sitting… it became the grossest moment of my life as I achieved a type of intimacy with guinea pig pee that I hadn’t even believed was POSSIBLE, and because I’m a normal human who had no desire for such intimacy, I jumped up right away to go and cry hysterically in the shower.

I noticed how neon the pee was (third photo). This concerned me, so after my shower I decided I’d put him in the (EMPTY, DRIED) tub and check his pee. He hadn’t struggled to pee or made any sounds, but better safe than not.

That was, according to Percival, my first mistake.

We spent fifteen minutes negotiating if he’d like to pee or not. Then, when I brought Theodore in as an emotional support pig, the standoff continued. I’ve never been so thoroughly scolded in my life, and given that my mother was a covert narcissist, that’s saying something. Anyway, eventually I returned Theodore to the cage and brought a pee pad and the little sir over to my chair. He began making his “I need to pee” sounds and didn’t settle.

Ah, I thought, soon.

My second mistake.

Another hour and five minutes passed.

Finally, I relented. It was after 3AM, and he was grumpy with me. I figured I’d check for weird coloured pee in the morning and since I knew it was his, I’d act. And also, the pee on the chair was distinctly orange, a colour I knew boars could produce, although I’d believed they had to be younger than three (as of c. 29 Aug) to produce it. But when Google indicated this wasn’t necessarily the case, that three year old boars could produce orange pee, I made the following calculation:

✔️ Hadn’t struggled to pee (it was a gush of pee)

✔️ Hadn’t made any noises of pain.

✔️ The pee was obviously ORANGE. Like a little liquid Theodore. Not rusty or orange.

I returned him to the cage.

And as soon as I did…

…He let out this stream of perfectly coloured, harmless pee.

He made eye contact the whole time.

I am twenty-nine years old. I have faced down teenagers who say things like, “Miss, did you know raisins are grapes?” at eight in the morning on Tuesday.

And, between 1AM and 3AM on 07 Aug 2026, I was in a stand off with a guinea pig.

And the guinea pig won.

(And his pee has remained normal.)

And THAT my friends, is how you manifest 🤣