u/AlarmingHistory3900

Hey! I have been agoraphobic gradually since 2014. It turned really bad last year and spent from october to... May-June this year housebound...

I started doing exposures. Started with going to take the mail, take out the garbage, going to the laundry room ij the building to walks... to go back to the library... which is five minutes.

I managed to go to a drug store. Went well. I managed to go buy milk in a grocery store..Again went well. Then I guess i got impatient. I was so happy to be all independent again. I pushed myself hard. In two weeks, everyday I did a big exposure. I conquered the grocery stores 5 times, went to a service center to have made my bus card, conquered the drug store a few times, the hardware stores, went to a collectible store to buy hockey cards, went to the thrift store... every day.a big exposure..

Then a week ago, I started to feel unwell, but I kept pushing, every day a few times a day. Until two days ago, I went on my morning walk and I am pretty i had a panic attack. I felt so unwell, was nauseous with a coton mouth. Since then I struggle to do exposures, just going a walk back to where i had my panic attack is too much.

Now, I want to do it right. I cannot afford therapy but my doctor helps me a bit. I want to do exposure right. I am on temporary disability from now to May 1st. So I want to use that time, to do exposures right. I am always afraid that if I take a day to rest, I will lose all my progress. But it seems I just lost them anyway, because I pushed too hard and now I am nauseous a lot, even on walks.

Also, I forced myself to do exposure like walk in the mornng, as soon as I wake up, like to get over it. So I can go on with my day and be like okay I did it. I am not sure thats good either.

I want to use the next 8-9 months to do it right. I need tricks and tips. I dont want reassurance. I kmow I need to sit with the nausea when it comes. I just need tips to not be impatient.

I want to do it right. I want to know how rest days work also. Because I kmow I need them but I am alwaus scared thst If I dont force myself to do exposure, I will lose all progress.

First of all, hello everyone! Female 37, I have dealing with emetophobia since 2009 or 2010 that's when it first showed a but it got worse and recurrent in 2014 as I started to have anxiety that turned into panic attacks. And of course my main symptom is nausea, located mostly in my throat. It scares me so bad.

Anyway, anxiety turned into panic attacks which over the year made me agoraphobic. It got worse last year, after being home three months healing from a surgery. It hit rock bottom last fall, ended up in the ER because I was nauseous constanly therefore I wasnt eating, sleeping or else. They told me it was just anxiety.

I have been doing exposures for my agoraphobia which helped me going back to groceries storea, drugs stores, the library... but I keep having setbacks because everytime I face a real panic attack aka nausea I freak out. I made so much progress going to places in the last few weeks but during a walk yesterday morning I felt really unwell, nauseous, dry mouth... and it set me back into pamic mode all day. Today I am still scared.

I think me doing exposures is good, but I dont think I do them well because the root of my agoraphobia is emetophobia. Even at home I panic as soon as I feel nauseous. And I dont think it will get any better if I dont adress emetophobia first because I wont ever be able to accept it when it happens during agoraphobia exposures. I think agoraphobia is just a symptoms not the cause since I am always scared to feel sick. I kmow I have to accept the symptoms to heal but I need to accept the nausea first. I need to heal this phobia first.

My phobia comes from a few episodes of dehydration post... well intercouses back in 2009. I was in my first relationship and my dumb ass didnt know how to hydrate properly before and after sex. So I woild wake up an hour or so later incredibly ill, running to the bathroom to purge on well both ends. I fixed it quickly when I realized it was dehydration, and took the habit to hydrate properly. it didnt scare that much when it happened but i guess it traumatized me somehow. I get scared to throw up and that if i do i wont be able to stop...

Well, I am tired of this shit. I want to get better. I want to treat the root of my agoraphobia which is this phobia. I want tips from people who have recovered, people who learned to accept the nausea feeling, the uncertaincy...

Please... thank you