What do I do with my grandfathers new girlfriend (advice needed please)
Sorry if I break any rules. I have no idea what to do and this seemed like the best place to post about this.
My grandfather has memory issues that have progressively gotten worse since my grandmother died in December of 2025. Until recently, my parents and my uncle went back and forth on taking care of him. He had a girlfriend from early march until they broke up three weeks ago. While they were dating, he kept insisting that we all have family dinners together since he was planning on marrying her.
On Friday, my grandfather moved into a retirement facility in our area. Because my parents are out of town this week and next week and because he was new and nervous, I offered to have dinner with him three times this week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). I had dinner with him Monday and everything with him was normal.
I got a call from my mother last night saying my grandfather has met a new woman that he is in love with. She wants me under no circumstances to meet this woman because she wants there to be a boundary between my grandfathers dating life and his family life.
I got a call from my uncle earlier today asking if I still planned on going out to dinner with my grandfather tonight and I said yes. He said that my grandfather invited his new girlfriend to our dinner tonight and to "scope her out" for him so he knows what my mom and him are about to deal with.
I don't know what to do. I made the reservation at his favorite restaurant for just the two of us but it is early in the evening and I can easily make it a 3 person reservation. I don't have strong opinions on meeting her or not, I just didn't want him to be lonely his first week in a new home. I don't know what to do. Please send advice
UPDATE: I called my grandfather and he told me to change the reservations for three people instead of two. I played dumb and asked who he was inviting. He said he wanted to invite his new friend and that he wanted me to feel her out. I asked for her name and he couldn't remember. I asked why he wanted me to feel her out and he couldn't put into words what he was thinking. I waited patiently for him to respond while he was stumbling on his words but it sounded like he wanted me to chaperone his date. Under no circumstances do I ever want to watch my grandfather go on a date. I told him I could remove myself from the reservation so he could he could have a nice date on his own and he stated I had to be there. I gave him two options, 1. he goes out to dinner with me or 2. He goes out to dinner with his friend. He said he wanted to go out to dinner with me
He calls me again just now and informs me that us arguing earlier is the reason for his memory issues and that I am no longer allowed to argue with him. Apparently, he got himself lost while on his way to an appointment and my uncle had to gps track him and help him get back to the facility. He then scolded me (something he never did, not even when I was a child) and told me that I had two options from now on, I either could have dinner with him and his friend or I was no longer invited to have dinner with him. I had said nothing up to this point and wished him a lovely evening with his date.
I have been trying to pull myself together and not cry at work but this is hard. I don't know how people can be full time care givers. It's so hard watching him be someone so different than the grandfather I had growing up. This is so frustrating.