r/eldercare

!!! Es handelt sich ausdrücklich nicht um einen Spendenaufruf !!!

Einige sehr liebe Damen aus einem Altersheim in der Schweiz würden sich über Urlaubskarten freuen, da sie selbst leider nicht mehr verreisen können.
Heute habe ich ein wirklich herzerwärmendes Instagram-Reel gesehen und möchte es gerne mit euch teilen. Solche Geschichten gehen mir sehr ans Herz 🥲
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaanA2llJRU/?igsh=NnpydDlneXRhaXhj

Das ist lediglich eine persönliche Bitte: Vielleicht habt ihr Lust, den älteren Damen und Herren mit einer kleinen Urlaubskarte eine Freude zu machen. Sie würden sich bestimmt sehr darüber freuen, von euren Reiseerlebnissen zu lesen.

I live 500 miles from my 91 year old mom with vascular dementia. She wanted to stay in her rural home with it's septic system, well, no services like shuttle for elderly people. Thankfully she has enough money to pay for 2 caretakers who work split shifts. I manage their daily schedules, order meal delivery, pay them, and deal with whatever comes up (usually finding her phone and wallet which she repeatedly hides because she's suspicious). I help plan activities for her to get out and see a concert or a baseball game. Over the last 3 weeks I've had to deal with getting her HVAC system repaired, getting her well pump repaired, and sending a pest guy over to deal with mice in her house. It's taking up a lot of my time. I have 4 siblings -- I am the only one who still works full time, and I live the furthest away, but none of the others would step up and deal with her. They would hire caretakers that quit, they say "mom doesn't want a caretaker" as if she is in her right mind to make decisions. I took all this on to ensure she was safe and well.

The worst part about it is that my mom was not a great mom, not involved in my life, wanted me grown and out of her house ASAP, rarely called or visited me ever. Now she doesn't remember when I call her and has no idea what is going on, can't remember her caretakers names, what she ate, or that we just talked about the same thing 2 minutes before. Her body is healthy but her mind is basically gone. They take her shopping because she likes to do that, they make her food, give her meds, take care of her pets, clean up her house, talk to her, watch shows with her. She goes along with the routine but she's level 5/6 dementia. There's no one really there anymore. She doesn't even remember her own life, my dad... she remembers her kids names but not grandkids. She doesn't remember that I call and complains to my siblings and the caretakers that she never hears from me.

It's a very thankless job and it feels pointless too. It's just her body that keeps going, but her mind is already gone.

I’m a 31 year old male living on the opposite side of the country from my (divorced) parents. My dad is 77 years old, and over the last 10 years has been very down on his luck with health issues (throat cancer in 2017–after chemo, was in remission by 2019/ slipped in 2022 and had a brain bleed and was hospitalized for 2 weeks—-8 months to recover fully / diagnosed with leukemia in 2024, and is now finally in remission and doing much better as of January this year).

Despite all of this, my dad still works 4 days a week, as a receptionist/front desk person at a condo building; I’m not sure exactly how much he makes, but I assume it’s around $700-$1000 a month (low minimum wage state). He also receives social security in the amount of $1600 a month. That is his only income.

His rent is $1400 a month, and he has a car + insurance payment of $400 per month. He regularly asks me for money (2-3 times a month, no more than $100 each time), which I am more than happy to send to him. I know he feels embarrassed when he asks, which I do my absolute best to make sure he knows he has no reason to be embarrassed asking for anything from me.

My family always provided for me during my childhood and I lived a good life, more privileged than many. But it seems like they were really struggling behind closed doors because as soon as I moved away from home at 18 years old, our house was foreclosed within 6 months. They divorced shortly after that as well. Ever since then my father has been working hourly jobs to pay his bills.

The reason for me writing this post now is because today, he had a tire blow out on his car and he asked me for $160 to help repair it. I finally asked him more about his finances, and he told me he has $125 to his name, and is living paycheck to paycheck. He has no credit card and no savings whatsoever. Often times he has to make $100 stretch 10 days or more, since social security only pays once a month, and that only covers his rent.

I would love nothing more than to cover him financially so he can stop working, but unfortunately I’m not in the position to do so. I am engaged, getting married this year, and my fiance and I plan on buying a home in the next 5 years. One of the things I want to do is have a home with enough space so my dad can live with us and stop working. But I’m afraid this may take more than 5 years, and I don’t want my dad to work until he’s 85.

I am looking into applying him for him to get into affordable housing. Is there any other assistance programs I can apply for him? Has anybody else been in a similar situation? And if so, what did you do?
Sorry this is so long, and if you read all of this, thank you. Any suggestions are really appreciated

My mom has COPD and is weak and was living in my home for two years . Issue was I live in duplex and she was in my living room with potty chair as soon as you walk in. My adolescent son was having issues with it as he couldn’t have friends over . If I had more room . I would have kept her here . Honestly she wasn’t getting care she needed . She likely needed to get to more doctors appointments etc that I couldn’t handle being a single parent.

She isn’t that far away but this weekend been really missing her to point of tears . Not sure how to get over this :-(

my mom keeps asking for more photos of my day. what i eat, random stuff i see. but she literally cant figure out how to open the photo app on her phone. ended up just putting a little digital divoom screen at her house so i can push pics to it directly.

still not sure if theres a better way for parents who just refuse to learn tech.

My dad passed away four years ago, and he was my mom's primary caregiver. My mom has MS, is fully disabled, and needs help with pretty much everything bathing, using the bathroom, getting dressed, transferring, etc.

After my dad died, my sister and I moved in with her and took over all of her care. We've made it work, but now my sister has moved out, and I'm getting married next year. I'm struggling with what comes next.

The thought of a stranger moving into my mom's home to care for her is incredibly hard for me. On top of that, our house really isn't handicap accessible. Right now, the only way she can shower is because my sister and I physically carry her up a flight of stairs.

She's on Medicare, not Medicaid, so we're trying to figure out whether it's even possible to get 24/7 (or close to it) home health care. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What does Medicare actually cover in cases like this?

Do families end up remodeling their homes to make them accessible, like adding a downstairs bathroom or roll-in shower? Or is there a point where staying at home just isn't realistic anymore? How do people navigate this transition? And how do they afford it?

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through something similar or has advice. This whole situation feels overwhelming, and I just want to make sure my mom is safe and cared for while also being able to start the next chapter of my own life.

Hello everyone.

First of all sorry for any typos I'm on my phone. And second, this is my first post on reddit. Hoping to find kind strangers in the internet.

Recently, my 85 has old grandmother fainted(heart wave where we live), fell and now has a small fracture on her femur. Doctors chose not to operate as she has great health (no osteoporosis no arthritis no health conditions) and the fracture is small. She was ordered 5 weeks of complete bed rest. No exceptions.

Nobody in my immediate circle has any experience taking care of a bedridden elders. I've tried to read as much as i can. Vaseline on pressure spots to limit chances of ulcers. Constant rotation (which she does herself). Learned how to bathe her and change her diapers.

Unfortunately, she already had diaper rash so her lady parts burn her. I smothered her in A+D ointment. But if anyone has a different recommendation, I'm open to suggestions. Seriously, anything to help her feel better. It pains me every time she winces.

Any other advice is welcomed. I'm learning and trying to be the best for her. We want to make it through these 5 weeks. And i want her to be a comfortable as possible.

Thank you!!!

Hello all, I think it is unfortunately past time that my parents need to be moved into a nursing home. My parents are 68/F and 72/M with many chronic conditions, both having diabetes, hypertension, and depression. My parents had 3 children, my brother and sister who were born in the 1980s, then me late in life in the 2001. My sister sadly passed away in her 20s and then my brother recently passed away a couple years ago. Since my brothers passing my parents health has been on an even sharper decline than before.

My mother's mobility has declined to where she can only walk short distances with a walker a few times a day and she has incontinence problems as well (she has had multiple back surgeries and needs another one atm). Then my father has just had his third stroke in the last 4 years last month, which has definitely left him with more deficits than his previous strokes. He is weaker in general to where he can barely walk by himself and he unable to speak clear words most of the time. He spent almost a month in a pretty aggressive rehab which seemed to help but was released this past week to come back to my parents apartment with home health and a hospital bed. I told case management at the rehab that I knew he would be happier at home but I didn't think it would be realistic for him to go home because overnight my mom couldn't manage his care safely. Well my mom wanted him to come home and now here we are.

Last night my dad's hospital bed deflated around 1 in the morning so my husband and I went to their apartment to fix it. We found my dad's foley bag hanging above the level of his bladder so it was not draining, which I have explained to my mom numerous times that it has to stay lower than his bladder or it will not drain. My mom had also had soiled her chair and had not changed it for who knows how long. Then after we had gotten them both taken care of my mom just casually says that she will call me if my dad has an accident that needs to be cleaned in a few hours. I explained to her that this is why I didn't think he should come home once again and that if she couldn't keep him clean overnight that we have to get him or both of them in a facility. I told her multiple times prior to him getting out that she would have to be able to make sure he stays clean overnight which she never truly responded to but still wanted him to go home. After I explained that again last night she broke down and started crying, which I know she feels overwhelmed and It hurts me to see her like that but this has pretty much been the constant cycle of this year. I have tried convincing them to go into a facility prior but I think she is finally starting to realize this is past the breaking point.

I love my parents and I know that they struggle so much with the loss of my siblings but this is not a healthy situation. It is such a mix of emotions because my heart hurts to see them like this but I have also begged and pushed them to take their health more seriously. My husband and I both work overnight shifts and unfortunately cannot be there for them at the drop of a hat. I feel like the last few years just has been a constant state of anxiety with us both getting calls and texts throughout the day/night for what they need. I feel that my mom always expects me to fix every problem when at the same time I'm still trying to figure out my life. My mother is also a big time emotional manipulator and both of them have made terrible financial decisions that I have had to lose money over to somewhat correct. They both have home health but it is just not enough.

My father is a veteran and there is a veterans home an hour away so I am hoping maybe I can get them in there somehow because it seems like they would be taken care of better there than most of the nursing homes where we live but I just don't really even know where to start. My husband and I don’t make enough to pay for a facility. My parents have no assets to sell and since my siblings are gone there is no other family to help. I just feel so overwhelmed and naive. I'm sorry if my post is all over the place, I feel that I can't even think straight my nerves are just so fried. If anyone has any helpful advice or has a resources to recommend I would be grateful. Both of my parents have medicaid and medicare.

I’m looking for apps, websites, etc. that I can use to find independent/private caregivers. What are some good resources you used or would recommend for someone who can’t use an agency.

I’m a veterans and will be using the VA’s veteran directed care (VDC) program.

Thanks in advance!

My Dad is 94.

We have had a series of HHAs, and CNAs at home to help him.

I live with my Dad.

Is it standard policy that when they take him to a Doctor, either in their car or ours, that I am not allowed in the Car?

I guess this for the Agency Insurance?

Or Medicaire?

I'm wondering.

When my Dad is at a Doctor or Dentist, someone needs usually to give the Receptionist a Medical Card

The Dentist requires payment at the Visit.

I don't drive for health reasons.

The Doctor might have news to tell me, or need $ or want to schedule a follow-up

How do any of you handle this, if you aren't able to drive yourself to the Appointment?

My grandmother, Mary Carey, is under the Cook County Public Guardian. 

She has developed severe malnutrition and necrotic pressure wounds while in their care. 

Despite repeated requests, the Office of the Public Guardian has restricted family visitation to public spaces only and prohibited basic assistance with her wounds. They have also been unwilling to provide full medical records and accounting.

I am deeply concerned about her well-being. No family should have to fight this hard to protect their loved one from the very system meant to protect them.

Hi everyone! I’m a virtual assistant for a cleaning company based in Texas, although I’m located in the Philippines.
I’m reaching out because I’m hoping to find help for one of our customers in Fort Worth. She is an elderly woman with a disability who scheduled a cleaning with us. Unfortunately, when our cleaner arrived, the home was found to be heavily infested, making it unsafe and outside the scope of the services we provide, so we had to cancel the appointment.
My heart really goes out to her, and I don’t want to leave her without trying to find other resources that may be able to help.
Does anyone know of a nonprofit, church, volunteer group, social worker, hoarding cleanup team, or community organization in the Fort Worth area that assists seniors or people with disabilities in situations like this, preferably at little or no cost?
To protect her privacy, I won’t share any personal information publicly. If you know of a legitimate organization or think you may be able to help, please send me a private message.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and for any recommendations you can provide. ❤️

I’m 21(M) and I started working at a retirement home when I moved to a new state (I work in dining). I really grew attached to this one resident who I would see every day, and we frequently made inside jokes and conversations. I would even spend time outside of work visiting her. I’ve been working in retirement homes since I was 16 and this has probably been the most difficult death I have had to experience so far. I really love all of the residents I encounter daily but we were very close friends. It was hard moving to a place where I had no family and she was like a grandma to me, in a way. Would it be appropriate to attend the funeral, or would it be considered unprofessional?

My parents are getting older. They can't manage their two-story house in LA anymore. We want to move them closer to us and buy them an apartment

The house needs repair work done on it. The roof needs replacement, as does the electrical wiring. We do not have time or money to get the house ready for the sale. It would take months for the realtor to sell the home. The realtor would insist that we get everything repaired and staged

I just want to sell the house as-is and get some money for it. I heard about companies that buy houses quickly, no repairs needed

Has anyone sold a house this way? Did you get a fair price?

My parents live in the Boston area and they're both in their early 70s thankfully they're still healthy and independent a few weeks ago my brother casually mentioned that if anything ever happened he'd handle all the paperwork but my sister looked at him and said she thought I was the one who knew where everything was.

That was the moment we realized none of us had ever talked about it. We all had different assumptions so my brother thought my parents had recently updated their wills and my sister assumed someone already had power of attorney if it was ever needed I figured they had everything organized because my dad has always been the one who keeps track of paperwork so none of us were right.

The next Sunday we sat down with our parents after dinner and started asking questions it wasn't awkward the way I expected it to be my parents admitted there were things they'd been meaning to update for years but never got around to we made a list of what needed attention figured out where all the important documents were and over the next month got everything sorted out.

The biggest surprise wasn't how much paperwork there was it was realizing how easy it is for families to assume someone else has already figured everything out.

Nothing dramatic happened so we were lucky enough to have this conversation before there was an emergency and I'm really grateful for that it feels like one of those things nobody wants to bring up until they finally do and then everyone wonders why it took so long.

Any tips or advice welcome. I don't know how he'll be able to recover. 🙁

Hi All, I’m a sitter for an elderly 92 year old woman. I wanted to talk about how the lines get blurred about sitting duties and cna duties. I see how they don’t want to change the patient or make sure she is turns (prevent ulcers). She is lift only (they use a special lift to transport her to her chair and the bed etc) and I do not work in the facility technically - I am the sitter hired by the family. I cannot operate any of the facility equipment. I do not mind changing her or bathing her but lines are definitely crossed. They do not help me with the emotional aspect of my job, or any of the demands. Yet I help them change her and etc.

To sum it up, it’s been draining emotionally. Just seeing how they treat my patient and others it’s a lot. I also get snubbed. One cna told me it was easy money and downplayed my role. My patient loves me and I’m her advocate, sitter and companion.

They place her in chair and first shift just left without changing her. She was in chair… I could not change her I tried. She had a whole blowout and I could not help as she’s unable to roll over to be cleaned or lift herself for me to get diaper off. I had the call bell on for a long time, was told someone would come back but that never happened. I went down the the office where the cnas be at and talked to someone. She helped me, it took 3 of us- so how do they expect me to be able to do their job?! My patient should not have to deal with that.

Lastly, I went to complain to a nurse supervisor. I told her the issue was 1st shift and how they left her. She spoke to one cna that is excellent wasting both our times. She shrugged me off and left. Nothing was done.

Any advice? It’s such a negative environment and I’m kind of drained.

Thanks!

Is it morally/legally right for a transgender woman LNA to provide intimate care to a female nursing home resident who specifically requests female caregivers only? The family and the resident did not know HE was transgender.

If a resident requests only female staff for bathing, toileting, or other personal care, and one of the caregivers is a transgender woman, is it appropriate to assign that caregiver? There were plenty of other female LNAs that could have switched residents to avoid this.