9 months of hot and cold do I just give up
We’ve worked closely together for about nine months. He’s introverted, socially awkward in person but completely different over text (warm, funny, remembers everything I say). The kind of person who texts all day but turns away from microphones at company events.
Over time it became this thing. Inside jokes, constant contact, him doing things for me that make zero professional sense like negotiating my software contracts and offering to interview candidates for my team. Small stuff too like remembering random words I used weeks ago.
We went on a work trip recently. Days of him finding me everywhere, standing way too close, holding eye contact across dinner for like ten seconds at a stretch. His friend asked about my dating life. I had hope for the first time in months. He even waved me over to say goodbye at the end of the trip. Didn’t say goodbye to anyone else. Got home. Quiet.
Nine months of this. Hot and cold, warm then distant, moments that feel real and then nothing. I’ve tried pulling back and he always finds his way back. I’ve tried being warm and he retreats.
I (28F) genuinely don’t know what to do. Do I say something and ask where his head is at, knowing he’ll probably panic and deny everything? Or do I accept that this is never going to be anything, go completely professional, and protect myself from a situation that’s been draining me for nine months?
Part of me wants closure. The other part knows this is a pipe dream and I should just let it die quietly. What would you do?