Relationship advice I am 29 F in a relationship with 30 M
I have been in a relationship for the last 5 years. He is 30 and I am 29. During the initial phase of my career, he helped me get a job. At that time, because he had helped me, he used it against me and forced me to do everything according to him. He also took complete access to my social media accounts. Even today, he has access to my Instagram and LinkedIn, and I cannot access them myself.
I am working as a lawyer, and he works in banking. In the beginning, he forced me to take a loan of ₹1 lakh and also took ₹30,000 in cash from me. After that, I have managed most of our relationship expenses. Earlier, he used to contribute, but now because of his home loan and personal loan, he says he cannot. His entire family depends on him financially. His father had a business settlement earlier and suffered losses, because of which he keeps taking additional loans.
Two years ago, he again asked me to take another loan of Rs 3 lac and promised he would repay me later. But afterward, he denied it. He used to say that in return he had helped me get my job, so he would not “taunt” me repeatedly about it. Otherwise, he would insult me a lot regarding my career. Later, he again borrowed ₹20,000 from me for rent, and every month he keeps taking ₹5,000.
Whenever we have an argument, he starts walking away on foot and emotionally forces me to talk to him or agree with him. Now he is getting a gift deed done because half of the house is in his mother’s name, and the EMI will reduce after that. For this as well, he is asking me for money, saying he will return it within a week. A few days ago, he cried and asked me to help him by giving him ₹8 lakh.
Now I am confused about whether I should give him money for the gift deed or not. It feels like even after marriage I may continue facing these same financial problems. He also has a sister whose marriage responsibility is there. I genuinely want fair advice and want to know whether I am being selfish or not. Yes, he gives me a lot of time and attention, but I do not know whether all of this is right. Whenever I try to discuss these issues with him, he does not understand, so eventually I stop bringing them up.
I would also like advice from men on this situation.
TL;DR Please advise on this. FYR- I am earning more than him but he has experience more than me in work.