u/Alfa_dom4

I honestly don’t know if I’m being too sensitive here, so I’d like some outside perspective.
My fiancée and I were talking about the kitchen for our future home. She has been picking some really fancy, expensive, and honestly excessive things.
To be clear, I don’t actually have a problem with her spending her own money on them. If she wants to pay for something expensive, that’s her choice. I’m not trying to control her money or tell her what she’s allowed to buy.
I just told her that, personally, I think it would make more sense to get something practical that does what we need and save the extra money for something else.
We’re going to be only two people living together, away from both of our families. We probably won’t be hosting guests regularly, so I don’t really see the point in spending a huge amount of money on a kitchen that’s far beyond what we actually need.
I thought this was a pretty normal discussion between two people planning a life together.
But the first thing sher said was:
“Why do you always want to destroy all my dreams?”
I was honestly speechless.
I’ve never tried to destroy her dreams. Ever. I love this woman, and I genuinely want her to be happy and comfortable. I’ve always tried to support her, so hearing her describe me as someone who is constantly trying to “destroy her dreams” really hurt.
I got upset and told her that what she said was extremely hurtful.
She knew I was hurt, but instead of really addressing it, she said:
“Don’t take what I said so seriously. Girls think differently than guys.”
…What? Is that actually an excuse?
If you say something hurtful to your partner and they tell you it hurt them, shouldn’t you at least acknowledge it instead of basically saying, “That’s just how girls are”?
And it gets worse.
When we talked about it later, she repeated the same sentiment. She said that I “always make her feel like everything she wants is unimportant and unnecessary.”
That honestly made me question whether she sees me the way I see myself at all.
I’m a practical person. I don’t think every desire needs to be treated as a necessity, and I don’t think spending more money automatically makes something better. If we can get something that meets our needs without spending unnecessarily, I’d rather do that.
But apparently, expressing that opinion makes her feel like I’m constantly dismissing everything she wants.
Maybe I’m missing something here. Maybe from her perspective, this isn’t actually about the kitchen, and I’ve been making her feel like her wants don’t matter without realizing it.
But at the same time, I feel like there’s a huge difference between “I don’t think we should spend this much on a kitchen” and “I want to destroy all your dreams.”
What really bothers me is that this wasn’t a one-time slip. She repeated the idea later, even after knowing how much it hurt me.
I’m now seriously considering ending the relationship, which might sound extreme over one argument, but we’re supposed to be getting married. If this is how we handle disagreements now, I’m scared of what bigger conflicts will look like after marriage.