Am I being too much?
Ever since me and my boyfriend met hes been…very sweet. We call each other almost everyday. We live separate places right now and I’m trying to finish my ged so I can get a job make enough money to visit him someday. Hes always been very thoughtful asking me what was wrong if he noticed I sounded different. I struggle with something I told him way before we started dating which is my bipolar. I overthink a lot switching between narratives of how he has no interest or he loves me.
Íts something I have struggled with before in relationships, I’m always overthinking. I can keep it to myself and not bother him as ive tried no to. But since yesterday he …sounds like he’s losing interest. Yesterday he was too tired to call which- fine okay.
But he also never texted me at all just sending me random videos throughout the day not asking me if he wanted to hang out woth me, how my day has been which he usually does! I started worrying and so when I asked he told me he was on the game watching the World Cup with his family.
I’m not even mad about that. I know you might think I’m - at first Im always needing reassurance or that I’m too needy. I understand all of that even if he was tired, I tried to. And I did. But after he told me that he didn’t again- ask what ive been doing which he always does. I said I was going to sleep early …because it was before I asked him and then he just accepted it..so after he told me that I was thankful, I thanked him for telling me because I was worrying. Didn’t even care
after I said you didn’t say anything you just went quiet because earlier I was hinting ít…and he was just saying a whole bunch of sweet shit how I shouldn’t worry but all that sweet shit didn’t help me.that didn’t help…in fact I didn’t feel better, after i said that being more direct he just responded with a goodnight and a stupid gif. Like he got mad that I kept going. All that reassurance felt like be quiet
I wouldn’t care, but when you establish a schedule with someone if that someone suddenly changes or acts differently you worry.
I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive…he knows I do tend to worry and even called me clingy and needy because of that. He always tells me afterwards íts not a bad thing. But whenever he does say that it makes me double think to text him…that the way I like being around him ís considered needy. How I lol forward to us talking me dropping compliments ís needy. I have tried to make it not affect me…but I go quiet everytime because it’s like…okay then I’ll stop doing these things if it’s too much for you
I’m wondering if I just…turned him off..or..that I came off as too much. I vented to him before that I thought I was broken I had issuers and he didn’t care. But maybe he finally does care.
Maybe I am needy. I apologize if that’s the case. But I just want to know what’s happening..how this came out of the blue because it feels like that. Hes not asking to call anymore he didn’t even want to the other day he just slept. Now today same thing. Even if he was available afterwards there wasn’t a single hey I was busy today. Wanna call since yesterday and all day today hes been in his own world.
I’m thinking maybe hes right. Maybe I am needy and I …need to change that part of me..but all I want to do is be able to hang out and call my bf. So when that changes yes I’m going to worry.
And the fact ít was his day off…that’s another thing I have tried to understand. He has a job- I’m trying to get one. He probably gets tired more often and I can’t blame him. This was probably his only time he could chill and…if I’m not apart of that I worry. Like suddenly talking to me ís becoming a chore and not something he enjoys.
Tomorrow is another day off, I’m expecting the same thing to happen which…fine..all I wanted today was just a quick hey I’m busy rn don’t even have to tell me why I don’t expect a fucking why! But I have been…worrying…and thay Wouldve made me feel so much better. That I didn’t have a reason to worry, to have my sick brain tell me things that are probably not true.
And I don’t understand why.
Am I just being too sensitive.
I feel like apart of me wants to believe hes losing interest already when another part of me is making me think that we talk almost everyday. I’m not in his life right now…if he doesn’t want to talk to me and enjoy a fucking day to himself okay.
Last night I understood that when he said he was tired. Still I was concerned but I understood. I’m not someone who won’t understand that. I know that’s how I come off as but I need this to work..he makes me so happy and the thought of losing him..makes me realize how quieter my days will be again.
And rn I can’t sleep. I said to him I was going to bed because he never came back and asked to call. Even rn I CANNOT SLEEP because I’m worried. And it fucking sucks, why does my day have to be filled with so much dread because you seem uninterested whilw yours was probably fun and chilling.
I’m not trying to blame anyone I know that íts my fault,most of this probably is because I’m worrying over something I can’t control.