r/AmIBeingTooSensitive

This has been a common occurrence ever since my friend and her husband got married about 3 years ago (together for about 5 total), however, this recent “nail in the coffin” occurred last week at a game night.

Context: Best friend (BF) and I grew up together, our families are close with eachother as well. Sometimes we just refer to each other as “soul sisters.”
She and her husband, as far as I’m aware, have a good marriage. When I first met him I was a little apprehensive but it became clear that this was a serious relationship, so I eventually accepted him and now we’re mostly cordial.
Here’s the problem: He really likes to poke-fun at people. He’s kinda a jokester and loves to rage bait people to get a reaction out of them. Most of the time it’s harmless, but there’s been times when what he says hurts me and I call him out on it.

For example: I was showing BF some dresses I wanted to try for a party, one of them looked really pretty on the model and that I had my eye on. Her husband was in the room and took a look at the dress and said something “It’s nice, but you need a butt in order to make the look,” and then he would think he’s a comedian and laugh at himself. I don’t remember what exactly I said but it was along the lines of “I wasn’t asking you, and thank god you’re not a fashion expert.”
That’s when BF would step in and tell me “hey don’t speak to him like that.”
This is a pattern that 99% of the time I just let go.

And then last week happened: It was game night (we usually do this once a month or so), we’re having fun and whatnot, and I accidentally spilled red wine on my white sweatpants (a very very absent minded decision to wear white while drinking a red wine). I got upset and said I ruined the pants and how it’s nearly impossible to remove the stain. BF husband says “don’t worry, they were already ruined when you wore them.”

I don’t know why this particular comment really rubbed me the wrong, but I got really upset and went on a tangent on how much they cost and how not everyone can just drop money on pants whenever they want. Then Husband said “well maybe if you stopped being impossible to love you’d have a husband pay for them.”
I then called him an absolute asshole, and BF stepped in and said I was out of line. Now I’m upset with her and said “did you not hear what he said to me?!” She said “I heard, and I will talk to him in private about it, but don’t call him names.”

The rest of the night was awkward and I left their home earlier than usual. BF has been texting me apologizing about my sweatpants and offering to pay for them, but I’m so irritated with her (and husband) that I’ve been ignoring her. Especially at the fact that for a few years now, she hasn’t once stood up for me when her busbad would make these “jokes” about me, but any time I’d defend myself or match energy, she always has his back.

Now I now it is a “thing” in relationships to keep criticisms and checking your partner in private, and I do see how that’s a better thing to do rather than in public to sustain a relationship. I get that part. What I don’t understand is how BF is seemingly okay with her Husband poking fun at her friend, in a mean way, and not saying a word about it in the moment.

Maybe I’m overly sensitive about this, but it overall hurts my feelings. Any advice is welcome.

Hi everyone. I (25F) am feeling completely stuck, exhausted, and honestly a bit shaken after a conversation with my husband (27M), and I really need some outside perspective to clear my head.

​To give some background: we generally have a good relationship, and I get along very well with his sister. Daytime outings, like going shopping or running errands together, are totally fine and approved by him.

​The problem arises the moment we talk about going to a bar or getting a drink in the evening. Whenever I bring up going out to a bar with his own sister, he absolutely loses it.

​When I pushed back and asked why it's such a huge issue, his exact reasoning was that it is "disrespectful to him as a man."

​I am struggling to wrap my head around this logic. It’s not another man, it’s his sister. We just want to unwind, have a drink, and chat. But to him, my desire to have a normal social life in an evening setting is a direct threat to his dignity and manhood.

​It feels like control disguised as "respect." If my freedom to have a drink with his family member is conditional and triggers a meltdown, where does that leave me?

​Has anyone dealt with a partner who equates normal autonomy and going out with "disrespect"? How did you handle it, and how do you stop second-guessing yourself when you're told you're being a bad/disrespectful partner just for wanting to exist outside the house?

Hi everyone. Throwaway because my sister follows my main.

I (34F) have been trying to conceive with my husband (36M) for five years. Three rounds of IVF. Countless blood tests, scans, failures. My sister "Amy" (29F) knew all of it. I cried to her on the phone. She saw me lying in bed crying after hormone injections.

She got married last month. At the reception, she gave a speech. It was normal until she started talking about me. "My sister is the luckiest person in the family," she said. "She doesn't have kids, so she can do whatever she wants. Unlike me, who'll be a exhausted mom forever." She laughed. Some people laughed with her.

I sat there, face burning. My husband squeezed my hand. I held it together for a few minutes, then got up and quietly walked out. My husband followed me. We sat in the car in silence while I cried.

On the way home, my family started texting. My sister said I was "ruining her big day." My mom said, "She was just joking. You're too sensitive." My dad said, "Your sister only gets married once. Can't you just let it go?"

My sister texted: "If you can't take a joke, don't come to my house anymore."

But here's the thing: it wasn't a joke. It was the most painful thing in my life, and she used it as material in front of everyone. And when I said it hurt, I was told I was too sensitive.

My husband says I'm not overreacting. My best friend says she would have left too. But my family keeps telling me I'm the problem. Am I being too sensitive?

I’m looking for honest outside opinions because I’m having a hard time sorting through my feelings, and I’d like perspectives from people who aren’t emotionally involved in the situation.
My husband has a niece who is actually the daughter of a close friend he grew up with, and he’s been in her life since she was born. I understand their history, and I’m not accusing either of them of anything inappropriate.
What bothers me is that he seems excited and willing to spend an entire night hanging out and drinking with her. He’ll stay up all night doing that, while I feel like he gets annoyed with me when I want to drink and party with him. In fact, he never drinks with me.
To me, it’s not really about her specifically. It’s about seeing him have that kind of energy and enthusiasm for spending time with someone else when he won’t even share that same experience with me. It makes me wonder why he’s willing to stay up all night drinking and having fun with her but doesn’t want to do those things with his own wife.
I’ve tried explaining this to him numerous times, but he gets angry and thinks I’m just jealous of her. We’ve had some pretty big arguments about it, and I feel like he dismisses what I’m actually trying to say.
Tonight, I’m at work while he’s home drinking with her. Everyone else has apparently left, and it’s just the two of them now. Given everything we’ve already discussed and argued about, I’m feeling really hurt and disrespected.
The hardest part is that **I used to feel like I was his most important person.** I felt wanted and special to him. Now, situations like this leave me wondering whether I still hold that place in his life. Sometimes it makes me feel alone and resentful.
I feel like I’m making sacrifices while he gets to do what he wants, and I also feel like I’ve explained my feelings repeatedly without being heard. At the same time, I know he has a right to his friendships, and I don’t want to be controlling or tell him who he can spend time with.
I’m honestly questioning whether I need some space from him because I’m getting to a point where I’m tired of feeling this way. I don’t know if I’m reacting out of insecurity, if there are legitimate relationship issues that I’m minimizing, or if both things can be true.
**I’m looking for honest opinions:**
Am I being unreasonable about the situation with his niece, or is the real issue something deeper than jealousy?
How do you handle feeling like your spouse has more excitement and energy for other people than for you?
Is it reasonable to expect your spouse to take your feelings into consideration when deciding how to spend their time, even if they don’t agree with those feelings?
How do you know when you need to work on your own insecurities versus when your partner’s behavior is contributing to the problem?
Has anyone experienced feeling like they used to be their partner’s favorite person and gradually stopped feeling that way? How did you handle it?
I’m not looking for people to automatically take my side. I genuinely want to know if I’m seeing this unfairly, what I might be missing, and what a healthy way forward would look like.

My boyfriend (22M) was hanging out with his friends the other day, and there was a girl with them that (21F) I don’t know at all. She asked him if my TikTok posts were satire. They’re just videos of me being myself. I’ve never met this girl, she doesn’t know me, and I honestly don’t know why she’s even looking at my TikToks in the first place.

He told her “no,” but that was it. I would have thought he’d say something more to defend me, especially because he told me afterward that the comment pissed him off and that it was hella fake. He even told his friends and his brother that it pissed him off. So he was clearly bothered, but I don’t feel like he stood up for me in the moment, and I wasn’t there to speak for myself.

When I brought it up, he said that if someone asked him whether his TikToks were satire because he had one video of him wearing dog ears, he’d say “fair enough.” That made it worse for me. It felt like he was defending her instead of me, like he thinks her dig was a reasonable thing to say about my videos.

Now I’m confused because his reaction doesn’t add up. He says it annoyed him, but he also agrees with her. I just wanted him to have my back, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too sensitive.

TL;DR: A girl I don’t know asked my boyfriend if my TikToks were satire. He said “no” but didn’t really defend me, and later said “fair enough” about her comment. He told people it pissed him off, but his reaction now makes me feel like he agrees with her. AITA for being hurt?

EDIT: I apologize for using "AITA" in my title, I forgot to delete it before posting.

this is long. TW some sensitive topics, I will let you know when mention these exactly.

really want someone’s opinion, even one person, do be aware that this is a bit graphic. Even tho this happened a bit ago, I still want to know. I had this very good friend, (we will name her sophie) I hung out with her a lot, we used to do a lot of things together, a bit later I met a friend of hers, (let’s name her anna) she was sweet and I really liked hanging around both of them, it was so fun and actually something I looked towards, we have been friends for a year at this point in the story, this is in fall last year: I laid my eyes on this “nice” guy, (let’s name him kevin) I have talked to him in the past but nothing too detailed, just a small encounter I barely remember. We started talking and anna and sophie cheered me on and supported me. The guy had a best friend, we will call him alex, anna took an interest in him, note, sophie wasn’t big on dating, but she had crushes.

After some talking, anna got with alex, and I got with kevin, we hung out together and I had to drive to their neighborhood, since anna alex and kevin all lived near each other. It was an evening, we walked around, joked around, got some alone time, between me and kevin, nothing serious happened, just some small kisses. Some time went by and kevin started coming over to my house, at this time, I lived with my family, we would mostly hang out in the living room or wherever that isn’t my room, at first. TW: where it gets weird. Once we went into my room and he asked me to do some things I really did not want to, I felt grossed out and at this point in time we have only been together for a month, this made me very uncomfortable, I also feel uncomfortable with intimacy in general since I have been through some shit in the past. But this did not even feel like intimacy, it felt like pure lust, I felt like I was being used for my body but brushed it off. It was very kinky stuff, not in a good or cute way, it was gross, a different type of it. Sure I am myself not pure but I only enjoy some stuff at the tip of the iceberg, like every other person you meet would be into the things I am into. Anyway, this kept happening and happening. He started begging me and trying to whisper in my ear in public to turn me on and kept being touchy, I told him to stop and said “another time” or at least once we are alone, he really did not, whenever I said no to things, he would pressure me, even if it’s something small, for example, I wanted to show him a picture of something, and accidentally opened a different one, I think it was an embarrassing photo, nothing else, I can’t remember. He kept asking to see after I said no and then kept calling me weird nicknames in my ear with his hot breath all up on my neck, it was disgusting, and kept happening in public. Not to mention, he kept trying to rummage in my stuff without my permission and kept trying to take my phone, he might have been jealous but I let him know if he wanted to check it he could, he said no. I found him looking in my drawers once when I came back from a quick trip to the bathroom. Anyways, he ended up groping me. We were lying in my bed, I was watching tiktok, he layed beside me, prior, he kept asking me to see my chest and body, countless times, I said no over and over I was not ready and did want to, as we were lying he kept asking me to see ”them”. After he gave up he asked me to feel my chest, skin to skin, under my clothes, I hesitated and let out a laugh and did not give a clear answer, said ”idk” and dodged it, next thing I know he did it anyway. I couldn’t say anything. I am strong I could have at least said something, I was capable of pushing him away and taking his hand away from me, but I did not. I still feel the way he touched me, exactly how it happened, it eats me alive, I hate it. He stopped eventually and asked me if it felt good, I said “didn’t really.. feel like anything” he said “well I can try again and make it so it feels good” I declined that offer. He kept being gross and asking for more but he didn’t touch me after this, as far as I remember. I felt drained all the time, we did make out and god it also felt gross, I didn’t feel good I felt so guilty and violated, he literally showed his tongue down my throat, his hygiene wasn’t great either, this was my first make out too. (this all was happening as he was following his ex and had pictures of her in his gallery, he also watched you know what while being with me and I somehow forgave him, ew never again, why did I let this happen to me) Sorry this isn’t great and I might be missing something, it’s nighttime, I am sick, and I haven’t slept.

Anywho, after 2 months of dating I broke up with him and started working and studying from home soon enough, I lost people and I was fine with it, they were assholes anyway. Anna and sophie, I still talked with them and all but not nearly as much, anna broke up with kevin and all, sophie and anna hung out a lot, stopped answering my texts, I felt like they used me for money because I pay for stuff a lot, they never say thanks either, once in a blue moon. A few months passed, maybe like two? Kevin got in a relationship or something, they broke up, and kevin came crying to me, I comforted him, don’t know why, I did not know what to do, looking back, I should not have done that.

One day, like a month after this maybe less, I checked anna’s profile and I was blocked? I was confused, I checked from my alt account to be sure, and to see if her account got deleted, nope. she blocked me, and in her bio, kevin’s account was tagged. They were dating. This completely broke me, and nobody told me?? I texted anna about this and asked if she blocked me, she said no. Didn’t even mention the elephant in the room. After that, I checked again and she unblocked me, wow what a coincidence!!! Eventually I blocked anna and sophie, only people left in my life, they didn’t really talk to me anyway tho. Kevin also got blocked, how could he do that shit??

Well, I am wondering if I am too sensitive for being mad at them still, it’s been like almost a year since the start of this all, but I still have very negative opinions about all of them, was it wrong of me to cut them off? I mean anna didn’t know about what happened after all, but she knew about the gross talk and the rummaging. She comforted me when I was crying the next day after the breakup. You might ask, why did I remember this? I was cleaning my camera roll and saw a funny video of us all hanging out, I miss those days but I also hate it more than anything. Maybe I just miss how loved I thought I was by them.

(this was before I realized I am a lesbian and an atheist, I used to be the ”basic“ straight christian girl you see everywhere, kinda, not really, and please don’t say that I am confused, I have looked deep into this, I know who I am, and it’s not because of kevin or any of these people, looking back, I always knew who I was, I notice so may patterns, my family is extremely homophobic and they pushed their believes on me my whole life. I am now, trying to express myself, but it’s still scary, I imagine how my dad will never get to walk me down the aisle just because I like the same gender.)

Thank you

Should I F23 be upset that my b fM24doesn’t want me at his birthday party?

So I’ve been with this guy for almost a year now. He’s very sweet and things have been serious. Now that his birthday’s coming up I ask him his plans and he says he doesn’t know. Couple weeks later he tells me his friends planned a party for him the weekend before his bday and they’d most likely be going out to different clubs. Cool. Sounds fun. But he never mentions inviting me. Eventually I just asked why I was never invited to be there. It’d be different if this was just a boys night thing but he has quite of few friends who are women so…I just assumed. I’d be going with…especially since I know his friends, Weve gone out and had game nights together.

He says it’s just because he’s gonna be drunk and he doesn’t want me to see him that fucked up. Also he says if I go he feels like he’s gonna have to be in ‘protecter mode’ and he doesn’t wanna have to worry about that…I explained to him that I get it to an extent but if I’m gonna be his partner, he should feel comfortable around me

Anyway I told him that it really hurts my feelings that he doesn’t want me there and he thinks I’m not allowing him to enjoy his day how he wants and that I’m trying to tell him what he should do.

He does want to spend his actual birthday being with me but I like going out to the club and having a good time too…I don’t and to be selfish or try to control him but I’m very hurt that he doesn’t want me there. Should I be offended or is this normal?

Hi everyone! I(39F) am married to (fake name) Evan(39M). We are both paid musicians. It is a second source of income on top of our full time jobs.

Evan plays Lead guitar in his band. I play solo shows with my acoustic guitar, and I sing.

Evan and I have been married for 2 years, and together for almost 5 years. During our entire relationship, I have developed a bond with his mother and grandma. They are both incredibly sweet women.

As I got better at music, I started getting quite a bit of gigs, especially this year. About a month and a half ago, I managed to land a gig in one of the best venues downtown. I was nervous, excited, and just in shock that they would even consider hiring me.

Throughout the past 5 years, Evan's grandma and mom made every effort they could to be at as many of Evan's shows as they could. They constantly brag about him on social media, share videos of his performances, and always praise him. I think this is wonderful! I love to see families supporting each other like this. I tell him constantly to make more of an effort to see his family more, because I know how much they love him, and how happy it would make them if he went over to see them more often. Especially his grandma, who is elderly, and has health issues. It really, truly makes my heart happy to see him loved so much.

The reason I push him to be more involved with his family, is because I don't have one. I was shunned at the age of 17 years old for leaving the Jehovah's witness religion. I lost everyone. So when he puts off seeing his family, or complains about spending time with them, it breaks my heart. I tell him that one day they won't be here, and he will grieve the time he lost, and could have had with them.

Since I have had such great gigs this year, I thought that maybe his grandma would come see my show. I told her about it, and how excited I was. I posted the event as well. When the night of my show came, no one showed up. My husband had to work, so I wasn't going to hold that against him. We need money. I was however, heartbroken that his grandma never showed up.

Since then, numerous videos of my performances from multiple shows have been posted. Not a single word was said by his family. No shares, likes, or even private messages, telling me that they were happy for me, or that I did a good job. I felt hurt. I felt left out. I thought.... Maybe I just suck? But then I realized, I don't suck. I made tons of tips that night, and the crowd cheered loudly. I appreciate the cheers and whistles.... However, the only people I care about are my inlaws. I adore them, and what they think and say means a lot to me.

So... Am I being too sensitive? Am I having too high of expectations? Should I expect them to show up? Or am I expecting too much from someone who isn't really my family?

Do you sometimes think of someone from you past and just think "Gosh I really hope they're un fucking happy?"

Like think of someone who you haven't spoken to, thought of but just ehh... We hope their life sucks for the worst.

I can't be the only one?

Hello guys, so i 34 female have extremely bad social skills and i've met this guy, 31 he always says all the right things, promises me to help with some things, like moving a stove and a couch, so i can get the new house sorted.

We haven't really been in a relationship for long, which is making me doubt myself that much more.

The problem is, he always say i will come tomorrow, and when he's here we will do it tomorrow and he just always keeps blowing me off, i get hurt and sad everytime.

Should i see this as a red flag or should i keep giving him chances, if it's because he's just in a bad period?

He told me, when i picked him up, yesterday evening that he had a bad period and we would talk about it, when we got to the house.

When we finally got to the house i asked him, he said lets talk about it in ten minutes.

The only explanation, after still pressing him for an answer, was just that he had a fight with his ex wife about his kids and just really did not feel like talking with anyone.

I just feel like thats a very weird answer, especially thinking of how long it took me to get that out of him, maybe he was just buying time to try and figure out what to say?

Am i to insecure and suspicious and are overreacting to this situation?

For context my bf can be very violent and at times very aggressive shouting, when he’s nice he’s an angel. That being said I noticed I sent him a message on Facebook and didn’t see his phone notifications for it therefore it’s muted, he didn’t deny but got aggressive and argumentative. Telling me to look through my phone, etc. anyway he apologised. Is he most likely upto something I wouldn’t want to know about?

My daughter is in college and one of her friends is into older guys. Which, fine for her I guess but the problem is he is her professor. My daughter is not even 21 yet and he knows this but he invited her to his house (along with another friend of hers).

My daughter was in his class last semester and now he is no longer her professor, but she is still a student in that department. I find it highly inappropriate for a college professor to be inviting students to his home, especially for alcohol when they aren’t of age to drink yet.