u/DazzlingReception598

My boyfriend is friends with one of his coworkers, and he goes over to his house pretty often for dinner and to hang out. Through him, he met his coworker’s girlfriend, and apparently they get along really well.
At first I didn’t think much of it, but now they text/Facebook message all the time. She sends him reels, they bullshit throughout the day, and he’s over at their house usually a couple times a week. The part that bothers me is that I’m never invited. He has met basically every single one of my friends, but I’ve never actually been included with these people even though he spends so much time with them.
A few weeks ago my car broke down while he was helping them move. I called him because I genuinely needed help, and apparently she was telling him to ignore my calls. When he finally answered and I explained that my car had broken down, she said something along the lines of my car probably not actually being broken down and that I was just insecure because he was with them and wanted his attention.
That really rubbed me the wrong way considering I’ve never even met this woman.
I ended up friend requesting her on Facebook because I figured if she’s this close with my boyfriend and he’s constantly at their house, maybe we could at least know each other. She never accepted it, but she continues to Facebook message him constantly.
Another thing that bothered me was that he normally goes to their house on Thursdays. One Thursday he decided to come see me instead, and she had apparently made lasagna because it’s his favorite food. She was upset that he wasn’t coming, so he rescheduled dinner with them for Friday. She told him that was fine, but that “it won’t be lasagna.”
None of these things individually necessarily mean anything is going on, but altogether it’s starting to make me uncomfortable. Especially because she seems very invested in when he comes over, cooks specifically for him, messages him constantly, has made comments about me being insecure, and has no interest in actually knowing me.
When I bring it up, my boyfriend tells me I’m being controlling and that he’s allowed to have friends. I completely agree that he’s allowed to have friends. I don’t want to control who he talks to. I just feel like there’s a difference between having friends and having this weirdly close relationship with another woman who seems openly hostile toward your girlfriend.
Am I overreacting because I’m insecure, or is this a reasonable boundary to be uncomfortable with? How would you handle this?

I’m 25F and my boyfriend is 27M. We’ve been on and off for about 3 years.
He’s become pretty close with one of his coworkers and regularly goes to his house for dinner and to hang out. Through that friendship, he also became close with his coworker’s girlfriend, who is 42F.
She and my boyfriend message each other pretty frequently on Facebook. She sends him reels, they joke around and talk throughout the day, and he usually goes over to their house around twice a week. She also cooks for him when he’s there.
Normally I wouldn’t care that he has a female friend, especially because she is his friend’s girlfriend, but some things about their dynamic have started making me uncomfortable.
A few weeks ago my car broke down while he was at their house helping them move. I called him because I needed help, and she apparently told him to ignore my calls. When he eventually answered and I told him what happened, she said my car probably wasn’t actually broken down and that I was just insecure because he was with them and wanted his attention.
She has never met me.
I sent her a Facebook friend request afterward because I figured if she and my boyfriend are going to be friends and he spends so much time at their house, it would make sense for us to at least know each other. She never accepted it, but she continues messaging my boyfriend regularly.
There was also a Thursday when he normally goes over there for dinner, but he decided to come to my house instead. Apparently she had made lasagna because it’s his favorite food and was disappointed he wasn’t coming. He rescheduled dinner for Friday, and she told him that was fine, but “it won’t be lasagna.”
The other thing that bothers me is that I am never invited to their house. He has met all of my friends, but despite going over there multiple times a week, I’ve never been included.
When I tell my boyfriend that the situation makes me uncomfortable, he says I’m being controlling and that he’s allowed to have friends. I agree that he’s allowed to have friends, and I don’t want to dictate who he talks to.
I’m mainly wondering how other men would view this.
If you were in a relationship, would you think this was a normal friendship? Would you be comfortable with your girlfriend having this kind of relationship with another man, especially if that man was openly dismissive or rude toward you?
At what point does a friendship cross into disrespecting your relationship, even if there isn’t necessarily cheating involved?
TL;DR: My boyfriend is very close with his coworker’s girlfriend. They message often, she cooks for him, he goes to their house multiple times a week, and I’m never invited. She has also told him to ignore my calls and accused me of faking my car breaking down for attention. He says I’m controlling for being uncomfortable. Men, would you consider this a normal friendship or a reasonable thing for a partner to be concerned about?

My boyfriend [27M] and I [25F] have been on and off for about 3 years.
He is friends with one of his coworkers and regularly goes over to his house for dinner and to hang out. Through his coworker, he met the coworker’s girlfriend [42F], and apparently they get along really well.
At first I didn’t think much of it, but she and my boyfriend now message each other all the time on Facebook. She sends him reels, they bullshit throughout the day, and he goes over to their house usually around twice a week. She cooks dinner for them and sometimes specifically makes food she knows my boyfriend likes.
The biggest thing bothering me is that I am never invited. My boyfriend has met basically every one of my friends, but despite how often he is at their house and how close he has gotten with them, I have never been included.
A few weeks ago, my car broke down while he was over at their house helping them move. I called him because I genuinely needed help. She apparently told him to ignore my phone calls. When he finally answered and I told him my car had broken down, she said my car was probably not actually broken down and that I was just insecure because he was with them and wanted his attention.
That made me extremely uncomfortable because this woman has never even met me.
After that, I sent her a friend request on Facebook. I figured if she and my boyfriend are going to be this close and he is constantly at their house, maybe we could at least get to know each other. She never accepted my request, but she continues to message my boyfriend all the time.
Another situation happened recently where he normally goes to their house on Thursdays, but that week he decided to come to my house instead. Apparently she had made lasagna because it is his favorite food and was upset that he wasn't coming. He rescheduled dinner with them for Friday, and she responded that it was fine, but “it won’t be lasagna.”
I understand that none of these things individually prove that anything inappropriate is happening. I genuinely don't have an issue with my boyfriend having female friends.
What bothers me is the combination of everything. She messages him constantly, cooks specifically for him, seems bothered when he changes plans with them to spend time with me, told him to ignore me when I needed help, accused me of lying because I wanted his attention, and won’t accept my friend request despite having such a close friendship with my boyfriend.
When I tell my boyfriend that their dynamic makes me uncomfortable, he says I’m being controlling and that he’s allowed to have friends. I agree that he is allowed to have friends, but I feel like there should still be reasonable boundaries when you’re in a relationship.
Am I being controlling or insecure here? What would be a reasonable boundary in this situation, and how would you approach this with your partner?
TL;DR: My boyfriend [27M] has become very close with his coworker’s girlfriend [42F]. They message constantly, she cooks for him, he goes to their house multiple times a week, and I’m never invited. She has also told him to ignore my calls and accused me of faking my car breaking down for attention. He says I’m controlling for being uncomfortable. Am I overreacting?

My boyfriend [27M] and I [25F] have been on and off for about 3 years.
He is friends with one of his coworkers and regularly goes over to his house for dinner and to hang out. Through his coworker, he met the coworker’s girlfriend [42F], and apparently they get along really well.
At first I didn’t think much of it, but she and my boyfriend now message each other all the time on Facebook. She sends him reels, they bullshit throughout the day, and he goes over to their house usually around twice a week. She cooks dinner for them and sometimes specifically makes food she knows my boyfriend likes.
The biggest thing bothering me is that I am never invited. My boyfriend has met basically every one of my friends, but despite how often he is at their house and how close he has gotten with them, I have never been included.
A few weeks ago, my car broke down while he was over at their house helping them move. I called him because I genuinely needed help. She apparently told him to ignore my phone calls. When he finally answered and I told him my car had broken down, she said my car was probably not actually broken down and that I was just insecure because he was with them and wanted his attention.
That made me extremely uncomfortable because this woman has never even met me.
After that, I sent her a friend request on Facebook. I figured if she and my boyfriend are going to be this close and he is constantly at their house, maybe we could at least get to know each other. She never accepted my request, but she continues to message my boyfriend all the time.
Another situation happened recently where he normally goes to their house on Thursdays, but that week he decided to come to my house instead. Apparently she had made lasagna because it is his favorite food and was upset that he wasn't coming. He rescheduled dinner with them for Friday, and she responded that it was fine, but “it won’t be lasagna.”
I understand that none of these things individually prove that anything inappropriate is happening. I genuinely don't have an issue with my boyfriend having female friends.
What bothers me is the combination of everything. She messages him constantly, cooks specifically for him, seems bothered when he changes plans with them to spend time with me, told him to ignore me when I needed help, accused me of lying because I wanted his attention, and won’t accept my friend request despite having such a close friendship with my boyfriend.
When I tell my boyfriend that their dynamic makes me uncomfortable, he says I’m being controlling and that he’s allowed to have friends. I agree that he is allowed to have friends, but I feel like there should still be reasonable boundaries when you’re in a relationship.
Am I being controlling or insecure here? What would be a reasonable boundary in this situation, and how would you approach this with your partner?

TL;DR: My boyfriend [27M] has become very close with his coworker’s girlfriend [42F]. They message constantly, she cooks for him, he goes to their house multiple times a week, and I’m never invited. She has also told him to ignore my calls and accused me of faking my car breaking down for attention. He says I’m controlling for being uncomfortable. Am I overreacting?

My boyfriend [27M] and I [25F] have been on and off for about 3 years.
He is friends with one of his coworkers and regularly goes over to his house for dinner and to hang out. Through his coworker, he met the coworker’s girlfriend [42F], and apparently they get along really well.
At first I didn’t think much of it, but she and my boyfriend now message each other all the time on Facebook. She sends him reels, they bullshit throughout the day, and he goes over to their house usually around twice a week. She cooks dinner for them and sometimes specifically makes food she knows my boyfriend likes.
The biggest thing bothering me is that I am never invited. My boyfriend has met basically every one of my friends, but despite how often he is at their house and how close he has gotten with them, I have never been included.
A few weeks ago, my car broke down while he was over at their house helping them move. I called him because I genuinely needed help. She apparently told him to ignore my phone calls. When he finally answered and I told him my car had broken down, she said my car was probably not actually broken down and that I was just insecure because he was with them and wanted his attention.
That made me extremely uncomfortable because this woman has never even met me.
After that, I sent her a friend request on Facebook. I figured if she and my boyfriend are going to be this close and he is constantly at their house, maybe we could at least get to know each other. She never accepted my request, but she continues to message my boyfriend all the time.
Another situation happened recently where he normally goes to their house on Thursdays, but that week he decided to come to my house instead. Apparently she had made lasagna because it is his favorite food and was upset that he wasn't coming. He rescheduled dinner with them for Friday, and she responded that it was fine, but “it won’t be lasagna.”
I understand that none of these things individually prove that anything inappropriate is happening. I genuinely don't have an issue with my boyfriend having female friends.
What bothers me is the combination of everything. She messages him constantly, cooks specifically for him, seems bothered when he changes plans with them to spend time with me, told him to ignore me when I needed help, accused me of lying because I wanted his attention, and won’t accept my friend request despite having such a close friendship with my boyfriend.
When I tell my boyfriend that their dynamic makes me uncomfortable, he says I’m being controlling and that he’s allowed to have friends. I agree that he is allowed to have friends, but I feel like there should still be reasonable boundaries when you’re in a relationship.
Am I being controlling or insecure here? What would be a reasonable boundary in this situation, and how would you approach this with your partner?

TLDR: My boyfriend [27M] has become very close with his coworker’s girlfriend [42F]. They message constantly, she cooks for him, he goes to their house multiple times a week, and I’m never invited. She has also told him to ignore my calls and accused me of faking my car breaking down for attention. He says I’m controlling for being uncomfortable. Am I overreacting?