Episode with mother last night
My mother has dementia. She also has narcissistic personality disorder and is bipolar. She lives in an independent living facility in CT where they can ultimately provide memory care.
I live in Seattle, clearly far away. We do not have a good relationship because of the abuse she inflicted and allowed others to inflict when I was a kid, so it’s best for me to maintain the physical distance.
I check in on her nearly every day and there are stretches where she is fine - I just listen to a redundant monologue - but she keeps coming back to this issue that angers her and causes her to lash out at me.
I won’t go into the details, but it involves a gift from her partner’s employer that was sent as a condolence gift when he died. It was sent to his sister and not to my mother and this angers her.
Because of her dementia, she cannot be told that she has the facts wrong. But one of the facts that she keeps getting wrong is that I have done nothing to help, which means she screams at me and tells me I am a horrible daughter which, well, is pretty f*cking ironic.
I have a sister who flits in from time to time to help and thinks she’s Florence Nightingale, but otherwise does NOTHING to help in the management of my mother’s care or finances.
I want to scream. I want to walk away, but it’s not in my character to evade responsibility.
Yeah, I just want to scream. Consider this post a scream.
Thanks.