r/dementia

Mom is in memory care with fairly advanced dementia. 87 years old. She has had back problems she refused to address for 30+ years. Now its so bad shes in agony and needs surgery but, she prob wouldnt survive recovery. We tried epidural injections with zero relief. We tried a mild pain med and she fell twice. Im her poa and there is no other family. It all falls on me and its really taking its toll.

If the roles were reversed, I would just take the pills and let whatever happens happen but Im really struggling with the decision. Made an appointment today with a counselor for myself.

Any thoughts appreciated.

No more eating out for us 🫣 Took grandma to Olive Garden yesterday. She LOVES eating out. Especially for breakfast. She asks all the time to go out & “order some food” so we went to lunch Saturday and it was… a nightmare to say the least.

She ordered coffee and the cup was served on a small plate, I knew that was gonna be too much for her brain. They brought a coffee caraff and I poured her coffee for her. First, I gave her a breadstick. She attempted to dip the breadstick in her cup of coffee twice and I was able to grab her wrist before she dipped, like you would a toddler. On the third time I wasn’t quick enough. She dipped the bread in her coffee AND bit before I could react. She said it was delicious. Next, she picked up the whole caraff and attempted to drink from it. I told her she had to pour the coffee from that to her cup. She poured and completely missed the cup. Big pile of coffee on the table, then sticks her hand in it. Again, I grabbed her wrist like a toddler and cleaned her hand with a napkin. I was trying to pay and she stuck her hand in some soup that was on the table…. Man oh man!

When we got to the car, she couldn’t fasten her seatbelt. She was searching on the floorboard for it. At first I put her hand right on it to show her where it was. She’d say “oh I found it!” And then pull the belt out and attempt to find it on the floor again. Finally, I did it for her and then when we got home, she was unable to undo it. She is sleeping a lot lately, she can no longer do really anything on her own. I think she is declining. Thanks for letting me vent.

Sometimes you just have to laugh, right? My mom and I cracked up talking about it afterwards but in the moment I was not laughing. 🫣 what crazy things have your loved ones done?

“I’m fine”

“There’s nothing wrong with me”

“You took away my freedom”

“You come here and I’ll have the freedom you have”

“You’re the only person who can get me out of here”

“Everyone here is old and forgets things, I’m not like them”

“This is just what happens when you get old”

This is all I hear lately from my mom in memory care. (She transitioned there from AL in mid July.) I know it’s the disease and anosognosia and have been working with a therapist for how to deal with the anger and looping. But before I can even change rhe subject, she hangs up on me. I’ve been avoiding her calls because it feels pointless to talk or visit when she’s so angry. And she makes ME feel gaslit.

Not really looking for advice, just needed to vent.

Hello!

I'm trying to help my parents continue to live independently (mom has mild dementia)

They just moved into a new house to be closer to me for more support, and my mom is having a hard time remembering where everything is in her new environment.

I've done a search online but haven't had much luck finding high quality labels for rooms / drawers / etc. Does anyone have any advice outside of making myself? Would love the conveneince of purchasing and having them ready to go. And I need them to have pictures of the items, not just the text

Looking for reusable (can be moved) labels for bedrooms / bathrooms / closets. As well as kitchen(cutlery, plates/glasses, etc). And bathroom items stored in drawers / vanity

Thanks in advance for your help!

Sorry to double post again so soon but I have a question. I think my grandmas declining. She is still able to get around (her backs hurting her more) but she can still make it up & down stairs, isn’t incontinent yet & physically seems well. Mentally, she says things that do not make sense, doesn’t remember her children (or if she has any for that matter) & forgets what you talk about within minutes. The last few days or so she’s been seeing people. She asked yesterday who the man in the corner was, I told her I didn’t see anyone but she insisted. Today, she thought someone was in her bedroom and said she saw 2 children in the dining room. Did your loved ones hallucinate? She’s never done this.

Honestly. I am exhausted with my husband's family.

My husband and I haven't had one day to ourselves in over a year.

We took a weekend away. Hired care, made sure everything was covered.

LO called everyone yesterday about how we abandoned him, left him alone, with no food, and we are trying to kill him.

Cue family calling, and freaking out. Most of these people are 5 mins away. They could drive over and check on LO themselves. See there is help, and we covered all the bases. Instead they go to instantly calling us, screaming about elder abuse.

My favorite, while explaining the situation to a cousin, was well you could just ask for help....ya, we have, you people always flake at the last minute.

Spent the weekend packing up my mom. Moving her into assisted living in the morning. As a stepping stone to memory care. She is in the anger stage of grief. Doesn’t want to leave her home. Haven’t yet told her she can’t take her jewelry or that the stove is not plugged in. It’s been a brutal couple of days. God grant us the strength to get through this.

My 90 year old mother in law is constantly calling for her mother, sometimes every 15 minutes. She was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and dementia 10 years ago. She is taking Seroquel 25 mg daily. She is also taking Parkinson’s medication (Carbidopa Levodopa and entacapone) as well as lexapro, memantine and donepezil. She also takes carvedilol and lexapro but only if her BP is over 100/60.

We comfort her and tell her everything is ok which helps her relax but after a few minutes, she’ll call out again. Last night she stopped at around 11pm then called out at 2am and then around 4:30am. She started calling out again at 8:30am.

We’ve left a message for her neurologist and are waiting for a call back.

Can anyone share any similar experience and what helped?