u/throwaway713137689

My grandmother has dementia and is increasingly volatile toward her husband, chasing him everywhere when she's distraught, and telling me gross details about their past sex life and crying about how awful and "impotent" he was. She goes into extreme detail and it makes me want to puke. It's her current obsessive topic. She's also been going on about divorcing him, calling the police on him, and how her neighbor is writing her letters about staying at their place so she's "safe".

How do I bleach my mind of these rants? She's been calling me in complete hysterics about it at random, and I never see it coming.

My (dx) husband is the loudest person I know. They speak loudly, play videos/music on the highest volume, and don't even seem to notice how obnoxious they're being toward everyone around them.

Their existence consists of constantly reacting to videos into the ether, trudging heavily around the house, knocking things over, and stimming loudly in public despite having a metric f ton of quiet fidgets, etc.

On the flip side, they do their chores, are in therapy, love me, and turn things down when I mention that they're loud - but it's nearly every day. I have earplugs, hang out in a separate room most of the time, and I can STILL hear some of their media and reactions. They use their headphones half the time.

How can I be more accepting of who they are, in this regard? It brings out a rage response when I feel consistently over stimulated, or embarassed in public due to my own seemingly-fragile ego.

Humans have gone everywhere, done everything, and AI is leaving artists (along with many other things) void of all meaning. Everything is losing the "excitement" aspect of it. Colors are dull, "reasons" are few and far between. It's difficult to describe the way that everything used to be, because most sense of wonder in the world is completely gone - factually speaking. I now find myself dissociating from my body 75% of the time because wtf even is this shit?

I don't wish that I was a child again, but I do wish that I could *wonder* about things without every single answer in the universe being within an arms reach, instantly. It takes much of the purpose out of living, and makes the majority of the population dumber, because they can stop thinking for themselves and just assume that a machine will do it for them. My spouse is a prime example of this, and it makes me cringe when they look up every single question that comes to mind, no matter where we are. He's smarter than that and has the ability to think, but chooses not to, and I hate it.

Most of us will never retire at the rate that things are going. Once optimistic about life a few years ago, I now cry at least once a week on the way to work. I used to love my work, and I hold multiple degrees in my field, make "good" money, live very modestly, but can barely save due to rent and food prices. We're all slaves to the system, but if I can't take a vacation once in awhile, *fuck*. *me*. What's the point?

Anyway, I hate being one of the people that notices everything going on around them, and wish that I was blissfully ignorant and completely okay with what was happening, but I'm not. Sure, I could go on drugs that would "cure" my now-permanent depression and make me ignore the state of the world, but somebody needs to notice. That somebody, is me.

My grandpa abandoned my (dementia) grandmother tonight, sending me a text as I layed down to sleep that read, and I quote: "i just left grandma. I don't think I can go back, i'm sorry".

Meanwhile, I have a physically disabled husband, I live an hour away, and it was 9:15 pm. I called him and asked him what I should do, and he hung up on me. He ignored all of my calls, I left some angry messages due to not believing what had happened, and he ended up showing up when I got to my grandma's house tonight. We talked for awhile and I went back home, it's almost 1am and I don't even know wtf just happened. I don't know if I've ever been this angry.

He's now looking at homes, because they both need one.

I do need to say: who does that? As much as I wish that I could cut and run from my life at times, who leaves their wife of over 40 years alone in the middle of the night when they can't take care of themselves, telling their granddaughter that they're leaving for good? She was so confused that she walked in the dark to the neighbor's - thank god they were kind, and thank christ she didn't get lost.

I turned 27 last week, already barely sleep, and cry often due to major depression. I can't handle this.