u/RainThis2657

I’m not even sure of where to start because it’s A LOT but I guess I’ll just give some background and context of what’s going on with my family. I’m 17 weeks pregnant and currently my husband and I are moving out of my parent’s house within the next 2 weeks. About a year and a half ago we moved in with my parents to help out for a while since my dad (83m) was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and my mom can no longer drive.

To say it briefly it has been tough, trying to work full time (same with husband) and supporting my parents through this. My dad has not made it any easier and neither has my mom, they are very difficult to live with and my mom has been very “poor me, woah is me” crying to family members and friends about what my dad is going through and also now saying how she is getting sick (she’s not sick, doctors keep telling her she’s fine and just has GERD). So, I’ve been the main one taking on the decision making and picking up the slack with my dad’s things. However, I am now 17 weeks pregnant with my husband’s and I’s first child. The whole family is very excited and so are my parents. But this has taken a toll on me.

Then this past month we’ve noticed a decline in my dad’s health, his behaviors/mood (very irritable and lashing out), cognitive reasoning, ability to talk (doesn’t make sense and we have a hard time trying to understand what he’s saying), and forgetting a lot of short term memory things. I’ve been on them with taking him to his doctor to see what’s going on, and if it’s something to do with his cancer treatment, medication, etc. Since my husband and I are moving out in 2 weeks because living here has become too much and I need to focus on my health, stress, and the baby.

Well, they went yesterday and his PCP at Kaiser diagnosed him with early onset dementia. They called my older sister who lives all the way down in LA with her husband and kid (we live in the Bay Area) and let her know what happened. Then my sister called me and my husband and I spoke with my parents when I got home. I’m not sure what steps to take and my mom is worried, scared, crying off and on (understandably so) but I need her to step up and become the adult. She is still very aware, cognitively present, but has this very Filipino mindset of “my daughter needs to be the one to help me with this burden” but right now I just physically and mentally can’t and need to focus on my pregnancy and when the baby comes.

I guess what I’m asking is for some advice on what needs to happen next? How should I get my mom on bored and step up? How much do I need to be involved in while navigating motherhood for the first time, or do I even get super involved? Also, the doctor hasn’t really given next steps or what needs to happen next? We’re located in the Bay Area and I’m not sure what Kaiser resources there are for gerontology, home care, assistance with driving, etc.

EDIT/CORRECTION: Since people keep focusing on the “early onset” part, apparently they misunderstood but I’m just quoting what my parents and sister told me on what the doctor said. But that’s not my main focus, I’m asking for next steps, advice, or other people’s stories/experiences.

I’m not even sure of where to start because it’s A LOT but I guess I’ll just give some background and context of what’s going on with my family. I’m 17 weeks pregnant and currently my husband and I are moving out of my parent’s house within the next 2 weeks. About a year and a half ago we moved in with my parents to help out for a while since my dad (83m) was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and my mom can no longer drive.

To say it briefly it has been tough, trying to work full time (same with husband) and supporting my parents through this. My dad has not made it any easier and neither has my mom, they are very difficult to live with and my mom has been very “poor me, woah is me” crying to family members and friends about what my dad is going through and also now saying how she is getting sick (she’s not sick, doctors keep telling her she’s fine and just has GERD). So, I’ve been the main one taking on the decision making and picking up the slack with my dad’s things. However, I am now 17 weeks pregnant with my husband’s and I’s first child. The whole is very excited and so are my parents. But this has taken a toll on me.

Then this past month we’ve noticed a decline in my dad’s health, his behaviors/mood (very irritable and lashing out), cognitive reasoning, ability to talk (doesn’t make sense and we have a hard time trying to understand what he’s saying), and forgetting a lot of short term memory things. I’ve been on them with taking him to his doctor to see what’s going on, and if it’s something to do with his cancer treatment, medication, etc. Since my husband and I are moving out in 2 weeks because living here has become too much and I need to focus on my health, stress, and the baby.

Well, they went yesterday and his PCP at Kaiser diagnosed him with early onset dementia. They called my older sister who lives all the way down in LA with her husband and kid (we live in the Bay Area) and let her know what happened. Then my sister called me and my husband and I spoke with my parents when I got home. I’m not sure what steps to take and my mom is worried, scared, crying off and on (understandably so) but I need her to step up and become the adult. She is still very aware, cognitively present, but has this very Filipino mindset of “my daughter needs to be the one to help me with this burden” but right now I just physically and mentally can’t and need to focus on my pregnancy and when the baby comes.

I guess what I’m asking is for some advice on what needs to happen next? How should I get my mom on bored and step up? How much do I need to be involved in while navigating motherhood for the first time, or do I even get super involved?

EDIT/CORRECTION: Since people keep focusing on the “early onset” part, apparently they misunderstood but I’m just quoting what my parents and sister told me on what the doctor said. But that’s not my main focus, I’m asking for next steps, advice, or other people’s stories/experiences.

I’m not even sure of where to start because it’s A LOT but I guess I’ll just give some background and context of what’s going on with my family. I’m 17 weeks pregnant and currently my husband and I are moving out of my parent’s house within the next 2 weeks. About a year and a half ago we moved in with my parents to help out for a while since my dad (83m) was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and my mom can no longer drive.

To say it briefly it has been tough, trying to work full time (same with husband) and supporting my parents through this. My dad has not made it any easier and neither has my mom, they are very difficult to live with and my mom has been very “poor me, woah is me” crying to family members and friends about what my dad is going through and also now saying how she is getting sick (she’s not sick, doctors keep telling her she’s fine and just has GERD). So, I’ve been the main one taking on the decision making and picking up the slack with my dad’s things. However, I am now 17 weeks pregnant with my husband’s and I’s first child. The whole family is very excited and so are my parents. But this has taken a toll on me.

Then this past month we’ve noticed a decline in my dad’s health, his behaviors/mood (very irritable and lashing out), cognitive reasoning, ability to talk (doesn’t make sense and we have a hard time trying to understand what he’s saying), and forgetting a lot of short term memory things. I’ve been on them with taking him to his doctor to see what’s going on, and if it’s something to do with his cancer treatment, medication, etc. Since my husband and I are moving out in 2 weeks because living here has become too much and I need to focus on my health, stress, and the baby.

Well, they went yesterday and his PCP at Kaiser diagnosed him with early onset dementia. They called my older sister who lives all the way down in LA with her husband and kid (we live in the Bay Area) and let her know what happened. Then my sister called me and my husband and I spoke with my parents when I got home. I’m not sure what steps to take and my mom is worried, scared, crying off and on (understandably so) but I need her to step up and become the adult. She is still very aware, cognitively present, but has this very Filipino mindset of “my daughter needs to be the one to help me with this burden” but right now I just physically and mentally can’t and need to focus on my pregnancy and when the baby comes.

I guess what I’m asking is for some advice on what needs to happen next? How should I get my mom on bored and step up? How much do I need to be involved in while navigating motherhood for the first time, or do I even get super involved?

EDIT/CORRECTION: Since people keep focusing on the “early onset” part, apparently they misunderstood but I’m just quoting what my parents and sister told me on what the doctor said. But that’s not my main focus, I’m asking for next steps, advice, or other people’s stories/experiences.

My (34f) father has been diagnosed with bone marrow cancer, and also has type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc. About a year ago my husband (38m) and I moved back in with my parents to help them out since my mother can no longer drive as well. The first couple of months were fine when we discussed our boundaries, but after a while my parents fell back into their old toxic habits. Constantly fighting and yelling in front of us, trying to get me involved/coming to me to vent about each other, and eating our food, moving/touching our things, etc. I know I know, we shouldn’t have moved back in but it happened.

Also, just for some background, my parents are definitely undiagnosed narcissists/have cluster B personality disorders (I’m a behavioral analyst, surprise surprise). Both of my parents are very selfish and really only think about themselves, so you all can imagine how their marriage is.

Anyways, THANKFULLY my husband and I are finally moving out the first of week of June. We have just had it and can no longer live with them, also I’m about 19 weeks pregnant and living with them has become so stressful and toxic, it’s taking a toll on my pregnancy and health. So, in order to keep myself and this baby safe, we finally pulled the plug and got approved for an apartment in the next city that’s like 30 mins away. However, my mom now is very nervous and calling other close family members and friends telling them she’s scared for my husband and I to move out bc she doesn’t know how she’s going to deal with my father and doesn’t want to be the only with him. But she gladly will want us to stay with her even though his constant yelling/emotional manipulation/verbal abuse takes a toll on my mental health, and essentially the baby… Grandmother of the year. 🙄 Now I’ve got family members from the Philippines calling me and pressuring me to stay with her or at least “when your father passes away please move back in with her, with your husband and the baby”. Also, the house is a 2bed/1bath town home…. How is a family of 3 and then my mom going to make that work…. And I AM the one that’s selfish?!

Now I have all of these thoughts/worries in my head with what I’m going to do with my mom, who also as I’m sure you’ve put together is a nightmare to live with as well. My husband also refuses to live with her again, understandably so because he gets annoyed with her the most, and to be honest I don’t want to live with her either.

At this point I’m thinking of going no contact completely but I’m just dreading the calls, stress, and everything that’s going to comes with that and having family members and close family friends calling me while I’m pregnant and trying to be present with my husband and baby. The family enmeshment that comes with Asian families is crazy….

My (34f) father has been diagnosed with bone marrow cancer, and also has type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc. About a year ago my husband (38m) and I moved back in with my parents to help them out since my mother can no longer drive as well. The first couple of months were fine when we discussed our boundaries, but after a while my parents fell back into their old toxic habits. Constantly fighting and yelling in front of us, trying to get me involved/coming to me to vent about each other, and eating our food, moving/touching our things, etc. I know I know, we shouldn’t have moved back in but it happened.

Also, just for some background, my parents are definitely undiagnosed narcissists/have cluster B personality disorders (I’m a behavioral analyst, surprise surprise). Both of my parents are very selfish and really only think about themselves, so you all can imagine how their marriage is.

Anyways, THANKFULLY my husband and I are finally moving out the first of week of June. We have just had it and can no longer live with them, also I’m about 19 weeks pregnant and living with them has become so stressful and toxic, it’s taking a toll on my pregnancy and health. So, in order to keep myself and this baby safe, we finally pulled the plug and got approved for an apartment in the next city that’s like 30 mins away. However, my mom now is very nervous and calling other close family members and friends telling them she’s scared for my husband and I to move out bc she doesn’t know how she’s going to deal with my father and doesn’t want to be the only with him. But she gladly will want us to stay with her even though his constant yelling/emotional manipulation/verbal abuse takes a toll on my mental health, and essentially the baby… Grandmother of the year. 🙄 Now I’ve got family members from the Philippines calling me and pressuring me to stay with her or at least “when your father passes away please move back in with her, with your husband and the baby”. Also, the house is a 2bed/1bath town home…. How is a family of 3 and then my mom going to make that work…. And I AM the one that’s selfish?!

Now I have all of these thoughts/worries in my head with what I’m going to do with my mom, who also as I’m sure you’ve put together is a nightmare to live with as well. My husband also refuses to live with her again, understandably so because he gets annoyed with her the most, and to be honest I don’t want to live with her either.

At this point I’m thinking of going no contact completely but I’m just dreading the calls, stress, and everything that’s going to come with that and having family members and close family friends calling me while I’m pregnant and trying to be present with my husband and baby. The family enmeshment that comes with Asian families is crazy….

I’m not even sure how to start this vent/rant but here it goes. My husband (38m) and I (34f) moved in with my parents last year to help them out due to my dad being diagnosed with cancer and my mom can no longer drive anymore. However, these last 4 months have been extremely difficult for us. My dad and I have always had a strained relationship and it’s just been getting worse and worse. He definitely is undiagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder/cluster B personality disorders (I’m a behavior analyst, surprise surprise)…

Since growing up he’s always been very self-centered, strained relationship with my middle sister, and for a while my eldest sister and him didn’t speak for 2 years. So, his issues aren’t a surprise for anyone in my family. I know I know, I shouldn’t have moved back in but it was only going to be temporary and my mom needed support. However, my husband and I found out I was pregnant back in February and now I’m 18 weeks. We’re totally happy and excited, and so are both of our families but things are still getting tense with my dad. He doesn’t care that he stresses me out with his frequent yelling/demanding help with the most insignificant things, like helping him with the TV, help with the WiFi, etc. And if he doesn’t feel like driving he just expects me to drop what I had planned for that day to help him, even though I have patients I work with, a full day of appointments, etc. He’ll even call me to demand help while I’m in my OBGYN appointments.

Well, just this past Thursday he had to be admitted to the hospital bc his cholesterol/kidney levels were really really high, all due to his own doing, not drinking enough water/fluids, eating a lot of processed foods, high sodium, etc. He was even short of breathe AND top of cancer he has an aortic stenosis and type 2 diabetes. So, clearly he doesn’t take good care of himself. Ever since he’s been in the hospital he’s been a NIGHTMARE, calling my mom and I from his phone or hospital phone all throughout the night (11pm, 12:30pm, 2am, 3:45am, etc.) and demanding for my mom to bring him clothes, food, etc. I haven’t been wanting to go to the hospital to visit him bc I’ve had it and the constant stress he puts me under while I’m pregnant has been getting to me. He even called my eldest sister and she told him to lay off of me and stop being an asshole to which he replied, “Well you need to tell your sister (me) the same thing!!”. Then this morning, on my first Mother’s Day, he calls me saying the Dr is discharging him but he will call a taxi to bring him home, and just go about with what my husband and I and my mom had planned. To which I was happily surprised to hear, but that didn’t last long.

An hour later, he calls me yelling and demanding that we need to bring him shoes bc my mom took his shoes home the other day when she visited (she didn’t, he lost them). Then goes on how he doesn’t have his wallet, this and that, etc. while I’m in the middle of my Mother’s Day breakfast with my husband. I got heated and told him his dr hasn’t called me yet to let me know he’s being discharged, he needs to be patient bc we can’t just take him from the hospital, etc. His response “FUCK BEING PATIENT IVE BEEN STUCK HERE FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, IWISH I COULD BE CELEBRATING MOTHERS DAY”. Then I lost my patience, yelled back at him that I’ve had it and he’s the reason he’s in there in the first place due to his cholesterol, diet, kidney levels, which is what his doctor told me the other day on the phone. His response was to laugh and scoff and said “Ha hahaha OHHH OKAY” and then hangs up. Then he came home a couple of hours ago and has been giving me the cold shoulder since then. I heard my mom try to tell him to apologize and leave me alone bc the stress he’s putting me under is going to harm the baby, to which he replied with yelling and essentially he isn’t going to say anything to me, bc I was the “disrespectful one”.

My husband and I move in like 3 weeks, but the 3 weeks cannot come any sooner and I’ll be damned if I say anything to him, since he clearly doesn’t care what he’s doing to me or my baby, since he’s the one with cancer and we don’t “care about him”. Even though my husband and I moved in with them to help out… Idk how I’m going to do these next 3 weeks… I’m also trying not to feel guilty with putting my mom in the middle and also in some way not apologizing to my dad. Thank god for my husband bc he’s been my rock through everything and has told me that in between now and then he’s going to be the one handling my dad and will be talking to him tomorrow. Sorry for the long rant but I just needed to talk with some people that understand what I’m going through.

I’m not even sure how to start this vent/rant but here it goes. My husband (38m) and I (34f) moved in with my parents last year to help them out due to my dad being diagnosed with cancer and my mom can no longer drive anymore. However, these last 4 months have been extremely difficult for us. My dad and I have always had a strained relationship and it’s just been getting worse and worse. He definitely is undiagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder/cluster B personality disorders (I’m a behavior analyst, surprise surprise)…

Since growing up he’s always been very self-centered, strained relationship with my middle sister, and for a while my eldest sister and him didn’t speak for 2 years. So, his issues aren’t a surprise for anyone in my family. I know I know, I shouldn’t have moved back in but it was only going to be temporary and my mom needed support. However, my husband and I found out I was pregnant back in February and now I’m 18 weeks. We’re totally happy and excited, and so are both of our families but things are still getting tense with my dad. He doesn’t care that he stresses me out with his frequent yelling/demanding help with the most insignificant things, like helping him with the TV, help with the WiFi, etc. And if he doesn’t feel like driving he just expects me to drop what I had planned for that day to help him, even though I have patients I work with, a full day of appointments, etc. He’ll even call me to demand help while I’m in my OBGYN appointments.

Well, just this past Thursday he had to be admitted to the hospital bc his cholesterol/kidney levels were really really high, all due to his own doing, not drinking enough water/fluids, eating a lot of processed foods, high sodium, etc. He was even short of breathe AND top of cancer he has an aortic stenosis and type 2 diabetes. So, clearly he doesn’t take good care of himself. Ever since he’s been in the hospital he’s been a NIGHTMARE, calling my mom and I from his phone or hospital phone all throughout the night (11pm, 12:30pm, 2am, 3:45am, etc.) and demanding for my mom to bring him clothes, food, etc. I haven’t been wanting to go to the hospital to visit him bc I’ve had it and the constant stress he puts me under while I’m pregnant has been getting to me. He even called my eldest sister and told him to lay off of me and stop being an asshole to which he replied, “Well you need to tell your sister (me) the same thing!!”. Then this morning, on my first Mother’s Day, he calls me saying the Dr is discharging me and he will call a taxi to bring him home, and just go about with what my husband and I and my mom had planned.

Then an hour later, calls me yelling and demanding that we need to bring him shoes bc my mom took his shoes home the other day when she visited (she didn’t, he lost them). Then goes on how he doesn’t have his wallet, this and that, etc. while I’m in the middle of my Mother’s Day breakfast with my husband. I got heated and told him his dr hasn’t called me yet to let me know he’s being discharged, he needs to be patient bc we can’t just take him from the hospital, etc. His response “FUCK BEING PATIENT IVE BEEN STUCK HERE FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, IWISH I COULD BE CELEBRATING MOTHERS DAY”. Then I lost my patience, yelled back at him that it’s he’s the reason he’s in there in the first place due to his cholesterol, diet, kidney levels, what his doctor told me the other day. His response was to laugh and scoff and said “Ha hahaha OHHH OKAY” and the hangs up. Then he came home a couple of hours ago and has been giving me the cold shoulder since then. I heard my mom try to tell him to apologize and leave me alone bc the stress he’s putting me under is going to harm the baby, to which he replied with yelling and essentially he isn’t going to say anything to me, bc I was the “disrespectful one”.

My husband and I move in like 3 weeks, but the 3 weeks cannot come any sooner and I’ll be damned if I say anything to him, since he clearly doesn’t care what he’s doing to me or my baby, since he’s the one with cancer and don’t “care about him”. Even though my husband and I moved in with them to help out… Idk how I’m going to do these next 3 weeks… I’m also trying not to feel guilty with putting my mom in the middle and also in some way not apologizing to my dad. Thank god for my husband bc he’s been my rock through everything and has told me that in between now and then he’s going to be the one handling my dad and will be talking to him tomorrow. Sorry for the long rant but I just needed to talk with some people that understand what I’m going through.

I’m (34f) currently living with both of my parents (mom and dad), along with my husband (38m). To start this off with my dad and I have always had a contentious relationship. Really tense. Growing up was really difficult and he’s always been emotionally immature and has Cluster B Personality Disorder (mainly narcissistic personality disorder). I ended becoming a behavioral analyst, specializing in severe behaviors. Surprise surprise.

My husband and I recently moved in with my parents about a year and half ago we moved in with them to help out for a little since my dad got diagnosed with multiple myeloma and my mom can no longer drive. The doctors said that currently his cancer is not advanced so far, and he can live for still a good amount of years. I understand that it’s painful and he has bone lesions, but since he started chemo and treatments a lot of his lesions have closed and he has been feeling a bit better. However, his personality and behaviors have gotten worse and worse. Screaming at my mom, complaining to me, yelling at me, cussing, just verbal abuse on and on. My other 2 sisters live in another state and have been able to help out here and there, but the role of caretaker has fallen on to me and now it’s putting a strain on my husband and I.

I’m also 24 weeks pregnant and the stress this has been causing me has been aggravating my hyperemesis gravidarum (intense morning sickness) and I’m trying to mange gestational diabetes. My husband and I are moving out by June 2nd (thank God) but now my mom is asking us to stay longer and I feel really selfish, but I’m at the point where I don’t care anymore. My dad and I have been going at it but now I’m at the point where I’m just gray rocking him, and helping my mom when I can.