r/Alzheimers

Mom (82) has Alzheimers and I am her full-time caregiver. We're in the house a lot and she understandably gets bored.

She doesn't enjoy anything (tv, music, puzzles, crafts, coloring, magazines, etc), so it's hard to keep her occupied. That leaves her wanting to talk to me all day long.

I can't get any of my own things done, plus I cannot take all the talking. (Even if she was talking about stuff that made sense.) I enjoy a solitary life with peace and quiet, so managing all of this is doing a number on my mental health.

Any tips or suggestions? She's probably stage 6.

My husband (M67) was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's a few years ago. A few times he will talk absolute gibberish.

The words he uses are actual words but they are strung together in a garbled mess. It never lasts very long and then he is back to talking normal.

I've tried to get him to go to the ER but he refuses. We see his neurologist in six weeks and I'll definitely bring this up.

I was thinking this was a mini stroke or a TIA, it now wonder if it's part of the disease and his brain is misfiring.

Any ideas?

I (50/F) moved overseas in January. Visiting parents for the first time and sleeping under their roof for the first time in 30 years for 3 weeks.

I’ve been frustrated arguing with my dad over everything because he is acting so weird and overbearing and particular over how i drive their car and lock the doors and cook and eat and conduct my life… I didn’t read the signs I’ve just acted like a total brat… and my dad (after having a very very hard time finding the words to get it out) said he has Alzheimers and is starting a “18 month program” whatever that means.

I feel like a jerk… I am suddenly mourning my dad who is already not the same and have already lived with my mom (25 years ago) taking care of her own mom with memory in decline (my mom would do weird things like send me flowers addressed from her mom when my grandma already didnt know who i was anymore). I just feel so terrible about what my mom must be going through and also how mean ive been to my dad. I’m with my folks for the next 2 weeks then I go back home 6000 miles away…

Please share if anyone knows what an 18 month program means and anything else that might be helpful for me to know or understand at this point.

Hi, my father was diagnosed with dementia in 2018; they're more confident now that it's specifically Alzheimer's (his father had it and died before I was born, but my dad has already outlived his dad), though his neuropsych said he is like the poster child for the medication he's taking since they expected to see a lot more decline in certain areas after this long. 😅 Very thankful that the medication has helped him so much with slowing down the progression.

My mother is his main care giver, but mostly my dad still lives pretty independently. He can still drive to places he's very familiar with (though he no longer has a car so he's really only driving when my mom is with him), he stays active physically and mentally. He still has problems with memory of course, many times forgetting to take his medication or forgetting to reorder it, so my mom finally agreed last year to take over managing and administering his pills every day. She will also go with him to doctor appointments. But overall, he has a good routine going and is doing pretty well.

We're in the US and I live several states away from my parents and my sister also lives out of state, about 45-60 minutes away. My mother recently had appendicitis and was admitted to the hospital for a couple days (she's okay and went home already). My dad went with her to the hospital, but didn't want to drive home in the dark after she was admitted (good), so my sister picked him up from the hospital around midnight to take him home and make sure he got his meds. She also stayed in the area for a few days to make sure he continued getting his meds while my mom was in the hospital for the next two days.

My mom doesn't seem to have friends she can ask/trust to help in this type of emergency situation though, but I don't think my sister should be the *only* semi-local person she relies on to jump in and help in an emergency either. I'm sure there must be many other people in a similar situation though (no family/friends to help). It's not like my dad needs a lot of assistance at this point though, it's mostly just to make sure he takes his meds correctly if my mom isn't there. We've tried alarms and such in the past, but he won't use them. He often forgets to turn on his cell phone (he turns it off a lot), so using his phone alarm is pointless too. My sister even got him a watch for Christmas years ago, but he wouldn't wear it.

So, I'm wondering what do other people do in these types of situations if the primary care giver has a medical emergency, but the person with dementia isn't needing a ton of assistance yet? Any suggestions? One person told me to look up Visiting Angels and there is a location near my parents, but I called them today and they don't offer services in only an emergency situation basis and wouldn't even do just medication management anyway (4 hour minimum requirement). So, any other suggestions? Thank you in advance!

A study published in Scientific Reports compared active navigation using AR to passive observation in VR, finding that participants who physically walked through space showed enhanced memory formation. The researchers also note that the structure of the physical environment influences how memories are organized. The findings could have implications for prevention or onset delay of neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s.  See: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-024-57668-w

Hello. I am attempting to help my mom navigate a tricky situation. She is in the diagnosis process for Alzheimer’s. She’s 68, and she’s extremely intelligent. She’s been having trouble with directions, remembering dates/times, amongst other things that were red flags. She’s still very good conversationally and I doubt most people would notice anything was wrong unless they knew her very well.

She’s married and has been for a while. It’s a second marriage. She worked her whole life at a high paying job and made her own money and can fully support herself. Her husband also has his own money. For quite some time they have not been getting along. He is a difficult person and I truly don’t blame her for wanting a divorce. He’s always been kind to me and my family but he’s very verbally abusive towards her. He has used her memory problems as a weapon against her and ridicules her. It breaks my heart to see her treated this way. She wants a divorce and I do support that choice but I’m also so worried about all the stress it will cause her. At the same time, this marriage is causing her massive stress every day of her life. Does anyone have experience with a divorce in the midst of Alzheimer’s ? I am looking for any advice. Thank you.

( just wanted to add that myself and my brother live minutes away from her and would legit do anything for that woman so she has support locally )

Hi all. I’m hoping some folks could share their experiences/guidance for how they navigated an Alzheimer’s diagnosis amidst difficult family dynamics.

My dad is 69, and after many years of symptoms, he was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 2 years ago. He has started receiving infusion treatment for the plaques, but I know that that only slows progression.

He and my mom live together, but their marriage has never been good. Long story short, he has always had some behavioral issues and was not a loving partner to my mom. They have essentially been roommates for the last 20 years. Similarly, these personality issues have also challenged his relationships with me and my siblings.

He is at a stage where he has virtually no short-term memory: he can remember who his loved ones are and things from long ago, but he won’t remember a discussion from 30 minutes prior. He has to be reminded/encouraged to shower every day, and he fights us about taking his BP and cholesterol medications (I think we should stop arguing and let him make that choice). He thinks he should be able to keep driving, but the doctors have said no: we are going to need to hide the keys as he went for a drive when left alone the other day and doesn’t remember going.

Aside from all that stress, the hardest part for my mom as his main caregiver has been how he follows her around the house, constantly talking and/or criticizing what she does. It’s like she never has peace within her own home.

Me and my siblings try to help as much as we can, but we are varying distances away and have our own lives to tend to. My main concern is protecting my mom’s own health and well-being, and I’m not sure how to do that. Does anyone have any experience with a situation like this? I’m looking into day programs in the county, but most of them are geared toward people in more advanced stages (and I’d have to convince my dad to go). It feels so hopeless right now.

I am only 35 years old and experiencing every symptom of Alzheimer’s. I have zero short term memory and have begun to lose my long term as well. I’m terrified and being treated as a mental patient, because I had a baby 3 months ago. This came on extremely suddenly and has only gotten worse. I can’t remember what I did yesterday or this morning, and my sleep is sooo messed up. I know I am young for this disease, but feeling so stuck and so scared. I also thought it started suddenly but I think it was growing for years…lots of forgetfulness and needing to use maps no matter how often I had gone somewhere, forgetting new addresses, etc. now I truly am a vegetable and don’t remember that I have a baby, or that my kid is at school, etc.

edit-I’ve seen many doctors. my MRI was considered clear. seeing a neurologist on Friday but I know since I just had a baby I’m unlikely to be taken seriously. I truly can’t retain any new information at all. I have severe amnesia. What is an hour feels like 6 hours, a day feels like a week, and I can’t remember yesterday.

My LO ( 69 male) stopped listing after early onset dementia. He ignores the Alz stage 2 part. To the point where when he was talking with my son he said “ I have early onset dementia , all people get it as you get older. Your mom has it too. They give us pills “ . Me (63) has actually had all the tests and my problem was a severe B12 deficiency no sign of ALZ . My frustration comes from wanting to do things while we can and his procrastination to do them. His obsession with fixing his daughter’s divorce and the 1000’s of hours he has spent sitting in front of a computer. The obsession with the granddaughter and everything to do with her.
The change I see most now is no initiative. Just passing time . Sometimes if I plan he will go along with it. I do t want to be mean and selfish but I want to shake him and say you have a progressive decease we need to do things NOW . Has anyone experienced this and how did you handle it

( I’m not getting comments and I really need some advice from someone who’s been in a similar situation, or just support. Please ⬆️* this post so i can get answers. Thank you :’*) )

After digging into Alzheimer’s symptoms, we noticed this is a thing my grandma does isn’t normal. We thought she was just wanting to leave to go walking, because she used to be a very active woman, but what happens is orders from her brain which have her always wanting to go somewhere else… she’s at her house, but she’s always leaving. Until here, this is a classic symptom of Alzheimer.

It was conciliable because we made her sit with us all the time, had to insist but she listened. But it’s gotten to the point where I can’t keep her seated except to eat because she won’t listen no matter how carefully I talk to her. She’s like a robot rn. This wandering got mixed with the fact that, since her brain is always active, she needs to move and move and doesn’t even process her tiredness at all.

She spends the whole day on her feet, the entire day!

Always wandering around the house and saying she wants to go out (she goes for a walk every day, but not all the time, because it’s not possible). It’s worrying because there’s no way to keep her seated anymore, no way. Last months, I managed to get her to sit for 10-15 minutes, but lately I can’t make it anymore, and it scares me.

What’s the result of this? That she keeps walking and walking and walking, following those orders, unable to even acknowledge her exhaustion because her brain keeps demanding more… until her body gives out? Until something happens and she breaks a bone just from this?

What should we do? Has anyone else been in this situation? I’d deeply appreciate any insight.

Thank you for reading so far. 🫂 Please support.

Hello all, my grandma has alzheimers and gets extremely combative when you try to get her to shower. She will go close to a month without showering and when you tell her we need to go shower she will yell, "I shower! I am clean! Probably cleaner than you!" It is exhausting, does anyone have tips to get her in the shower more frequently?

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Caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's dementia is isolating, exhausting, and emotionally devastating. I know this first hand. — having a tool that can meet you in those 3 AM moments when no one else is awake, when you're wrestling with impossible decisions, when you need to vent without judgment... that's genuinely transformative.

This isn't a post about spiking the football in the end zone.

This isn't a post about finding 'the answer' or overcoming the shared suffering of this ultimately complex human condition.

Just like you, I'm just hanging on.

Just barely hanging on...

I never thought I'd be the person writing about artificial intelligence. I'm not particularly tech-savvy. I still struggle with my smartphone sometimes. But I'm writing this because I know what it's like to be alone with Alzheimer's at 2 in the morning, when your spouse is sundowning, when you've reached the end of your rope, when you need to scream into the void but the void doesn't answer back.

I started using LLMs (Large Language Models like ChatGPT, Claude, or Venice) during my wife's journey with Alzheimer's, and I want to share why I think every caregiver should at least try this — especially those of us who are older and might think this tech "isn't for us."

What an LLM Actually Is (In Plain Terms)

Think of it like having access to a research librarian, a sympathetic listener, and someone who can help you organize your thoughts — all in one place, available instantly, never asleep, never busy, never judging. You type in normal language. It responds in normal language. That's it.

What It Can Actually Do For You

1. Help you process impossible emotions at any hour

There have been nights I needed to articulate grief I couldn't share with family, anger I felt guilty about, or just... exhaustion. An LLM doesn't get tired of listening. It doesn't minimize your experience. It helps you find words for things that feel unspeakable.

2. Explain medical jargon from doctor visits

You can paste in discharge instructions, medication lists, or something the neurologist said that you didn't fully catch. Ask it to explain like you're five, or ask what questions you should ask at the next appointment.

3. Help you communicate with family

When you need to write an email to adult children explaining why Mom can't live alone anymore, or how to handle a difficult behavior — an LLM can help you find words that are clear but not cruel, firm but not cold.

4. Problem-solve specific care situations

"How do I handle refusal to take medication?" "What are alternatives when someone won't shower?" "How do I respond to accusations that I'm stealing?" — you'll get practical, evidence-based suggestions tailored to your exact situation.

5. Help you advocate for yourself

It can help you draft letters to insurance, research facility options, or prepare for difficult conversations with doctors. When you're depleted, having something help you organize your thoughts is invaluable.

6. Just... be there

Sometimes I didn't need answers. I just needed to type "This is so hard" and have something acknowledge that yes, it is, and I'm doing my best in an impossible situation.

Why This Matters for Our Generation

I know the hesitation. It's not human. It's not real connection. It's technology, and technology is cold.

I felt that too. But here's what I've learned: this isn't replacing human connection. It's filling a gap that exists because human connection has limits. Your friends sleep. Your support group meets Tuesdays at 6. Your family has their own lives. Alzheimer's doesn't respect any of those boundaries.

An LLM is there when you need it. It doesn't get awkward when you cry. It doesn't rush you. It doesn't have its own emotional needs that compete with yours.

Getting Started (It's Easier Than You Think)

You don't need to learn anything complicated. Go to a site like ChatGPT (OpenAI), Claude (Anthropic), or Venice (venice.ai). Create a free account. Then just... talk. Type what you'd say to a friend. "My wife has Alzheimer's and tonight she..." — that's enough. The tool will meet you where you are.

A Word of Caution

LLMs aren't perfect. They can be wrong about medical facts — always verify important health information with doctors. They don't replace professional therapy, support groups, or human connection. But as a supplement? As something to help you through the nights? They're remarkably powerful.

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To my fellow caregivers: You don't have to suffer in silence. You don't have to wait until Tuesday at 6 to talk about what you're going through. There are tools now that can help you carry this weight, even just a little. I wish I'd found this sooner. I hope this helps someone else find it now.

Twelve days ago, Wednesday morning, the MC called as I was on my way to see mom. She had an unexpected downturn that morning. The next six days were some of the hardest in my life. I sat with her, talked to her, sang to her, and prayed for her as her heart slowly gave out.

She was in stage 7, but has never presented in the "normal" journey. Hers was unique, according to hospice. Mom was 92, and her journey was well over a decade, nearing 15 years. We lost dad to cancer during this time as well. I was blessed that her normal spicy, cantankerous personality mellowed out rather than intensified. This mother I will miss along with old mom. The joyful sorrow has begun.

Wishing you all a peaceful day and many more to follow.

My wife has mid-stage Alzheimer's. Like many of you, I live with the daily rhythm of her asking to "go home"—even when we're sitting in the house we've shared for thirty years. She'll plan the trip, ask about her father picking her up, worry about the time. No redirection works for long. The loop restarts.

I want to share something that changed how I sit with her in these moments, and it comes from an unexpected place.

I practice Zen meditation. In this discipline, you work to return to "the present moment"—to drop the internal chatter and simply be where you are. But my mind resists. It generates errands to remember, problems to solve, imaginary conversations. It wants to be anywhere but here, anytime but now. The thinking mind treats the present like a waiting room.

One evening, I was sitting with my wife during a difficult sundowning episode. She was agitated, trying to figure out how to get to her childhood home, her father coming to fetch her. I was simultaneously trying to mentally plan tomorrow's doctor appointment, rehearsing what I'd say, solving problems that hadn't happened yet.

And I saw it: We were doing the exact same thing.

Her mind couldn't accept this living room as "home" because it didn't match the felt sense of safety she was seeking. My mind couldn't accept this moment of sitting with her because it didn't match the felt sense of "productive" or "resolved" I was seeking. Both of us were generating solution-thoughts for a problem that only existed in the imagination. Both of us were trying to get "home" to a place that isn't located in time or space.

What this means for us as caregivers:

When your loved one asks to go home for the fifteenth time today, they're not just experiencing a symptom. They're demonstrating—unfiltered, visible, raw—the fundamental restlessness that lives in all of our minds. The inability to be fully present. The conviction that the answer lies just around the corner, in the next moment, after the next problem is solved.

I've stopped seeing her repetition as a malfunction to be fixed. Instead, I recognize it as the human condition, made visible. She is, in a strange way, being profoundly honest about something we all disguise with busyness and distraction.

This doesn't make the sundowning easier. It doesn't stop the grief. But it has transformed those looping conversations from frustrating obstacles into something else: moments of shared humanity. When she asks to go home, I no longer argue with the facts ("Your father died in 1964"). I meet her in the longing. I sit with her in the dislocation. Because I know that longing. I live in it too. We both want to go home. We're both already there, but can't feel it.

If you're exhausted today by the repetition, the questions that have no answers, the planning for trips that will never happen—see if you can notice your own mind doing the same thing. Planning dinner while she's asking about her mother. Rehearsing the conversation with the neurologist while she's describing a house from 1962. We're all trying to get somewhere else.

The gift she has given me is this: I can no longer pretend my own restlessness is "productive" while hers is "pathological." We're both standing in the doorway of the present moment, holding a compass that points inward. Her compass is broken. Mine works fine—I just forget to look at it.

Be gentle with yourselves today. And when they ask to go home, maybe try meeting them there, in that longing, without needing to fix it. You might find you're standing in the same room.

---

TL;DR: My wife's endless "going home" loops and my own busy, planning mind are the same phenomenon—both unable to rest in the present. Recognizing this hasn't cured her Alzheimer's, but it's made me a more patient caregiver and revealed something true about being human.

Looking for advice from people who have successfully introduced in-home care when the person with dementia is very resistant to the idea.
My mom still sees herself as independent and absolutely does not want someone coming into the house to “help” her. I think she pictures a caregiver hovering over her, patronizing her, or treating her like a child — which she would hate.
My dad is her primary caregiver, but he still works, and she’s already angry that he leaves her to go to work. We really need to bring someone in both so she isn’t alone and so my dad can get some breathing room.
I’ve heard the suggestion to frame the caregiver as someone who is there to “help my dad,” but I don't think that will work for since the whole point is that my dad needs to be able to leave while the caregiver is there.
I also don’t think we can use the “she’s a friend who needs a job” or “she’s a student who needs some hours” approach. My mom would see right through that, especially because we’ve already talked to her about bringing in some in-home help.
One idea my dad had was to tell her that this is a Medicare benefit available to both of them, and if they don’t use it, they lose it. Basically, take the focus off of her needing care and make it sound like a benefit they’re simply entitled to use. (I know that isn't literally how Medicare in-home care works — we're just trying to find framing she'll accept.)
Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? What actually worked to get your parent/spouse to accept someone coming into the home?
I’m especially interested in approaches that preserve their sense of independence and dignity rather than trying to convince them that they need help.

Hello everyone. I recently joined this group because I (35F) am the primary caregiver for my mom (68). My husband and I moved in with her when she first started experiencing memory issues. We knew it was coming, but she received her official diagnosis in January. It’s been good for her because she gets to care for my 2 year old, and she absolutely loves him.

I don’t know much about the stages of Alzheimer’s, but I am in control of my mom’s appointments and finances. I take her most places except to the grocery store right outside of the neighborhood. She has very bad short term memory loss, but she can still care for herself hygiene wise.

My dad was diagnosed with early-onset Lewy Bodies at 52 and passed when he turned 60. My mom was his primary caregiver, so we have been through something similar, but different if you know what I mean.

I have a very demanding full time job where I have had to work in the heat almost daily for the last few months. We will have more help soon, but it has been tough working 8-10 hour days and 4-5 hours on most weekends and then coming home to get my son fed and ready for bed.

My mom is getting to the point where she wants me with her every night because she is scared by herself. So I will usually go in after I put my son to bed and watch a movie with her. She usually falls asleep before the movie is over, so I leave after.

My whole day is just so filled with caring for others that I barely have any time for myself. My husband works until midnight, so he helps right before he goes to work, but I am at work by the time he gets up.

I am taking care of my mental health the best I can. I see a therapist often and I am on medication. But man, it has been tough. I am going to try to look for a local support group to join.

My mom is just a person who has to have everything her way, that’s how it always was growing up. She is a good mom, but she has faults like everyone. Couple that with Alzheimer’s, and it’s just been frustrating to say the least.
I think the biggest problem is I have no where for that frustration to go, because she can’t help a lot of it. Finding an outlet has been hard. I feel like I’m always just angry or exhausted, and I know how bad it can be if you bottle things up. I want to go into one of those rage rooms and just go to town.

What has been a good outlet for you?

I 42f live in the US, with my daughter 17, and husband 42. We moved over 15 years ago from the UK. My stepdad, I am going to call him what my heart calls him Dad lives in the UK with my mum. My family and hubbies are in the UK. My dad has Alzheimer's, Stage 6. It is so hard watching the decline. I flew back (just me, this summer) to help my mum with care giving. I was attending his groups, cooking, allowing my mum to have a wash in peace, and be there. I was also ensuring they had a new kettle and toaster after he broke the old ones, plus persuading my mum to get him reassessed for services because of the decline. I came back to the US end of June, because I myself had surgery scheduled and I then had to get ready for the new school year. My mum knows I will get things she needs. I have ensured we track him on life360 and have put trackers on key things, I have got him a medical alert bracelet (we jokingly call this the return to sender bracelet because it has my mums emergency contact details on it). I have made sure he has visual calendars, clocks to help him know if it is morning etc. plus made memory books for him. I send postcards from Moonpig with photos I have taken, and everything like that.

I feel guilty at the distance. I am worried about the strain on my mum. I am worried about losing my dad while I live away. We all have lives here. I call on Whatsapp and we video chat every Sunday. I have noticed my daughter is finding this harder and harder. She is growing distant speaking to him, and is struggling, she has anxiety. I am trying to stress she needs to because otherwise she will regret it. We are already planning on getting back over next summer. She graduates from High School and already has a college (uni for UK peeps) placement at the one she really wanted to go to. I want to make this a big treat going to Italy but also know we HAVE TO get to my dad aka Grandad.

I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless. I am trying to be strong for my mum, and let her speak to me when she needs to, and be there. I am trying to always speak to my dad and send things to help him still remember the people he loves and cares about. I am also trying to get my daughter to talk to him. She is worried about him. She always wants to know when I have mid week extra info. I feel I am holding everything in for everyone else.

I just needed to say all this in some form. My husband knows and supports, but he is also losing his Nana to dementia too. When I was back in the UK I made sure to visit her too. It is me sending her postcards also whenever I send my dad one.

Alzheimer's and dementia is horrible.