u/Aliltron

Hi everyone.

I’ve posted here a couple times regarding the passing of my 12 year old chocolate goldendoodle. It’s been one month now since I’ve had to say goodbye to him. I wish I could say things have been easier but they’re almost harder in a way. Yes, the acute pain isn’t nearly as bad as it was in that first week or so, but now it’s been replaced by a constant, dull ache in my heart that just never goes away. It’s like now my brain has begun to process the fact that I’ll never see him again in this lifetime and that breaks my heart all over again. Everywhere I look, I just see him. I go outside and think he should be here enjoying the nice day with me. Working out in the yard. Going for walks. It’s just too hard to look at other dogs enjoying what he used to. I’ve had some ask me if I want to get another dog one of these days and I can’t even begin to think of that. I just miss him so much that getting another dog wouldn’t solve anything, it could make things worse which isn’t fair to a new dog either. I’ve just been taking things day by day and I used to be a huge reader. My interest in reading absolutely plummeted after his death but I’m slowly getting back into my hobbies. This community has really helped too and I’ve joined some other pet loss communities to help deal with his passing as well as spending time with family and friends. I had a dream about him last night and I think of that as a sign from him. I love you so much Meeko. I miss you every single day. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from his death, and I’m not sure I even want to, he just meant so much to me. I love you forever Meeko, see you at the Rainbow Bridge one day buddy. Love you so so much.

Hey everyone,

I’ve posted a couple times about the passing of my beloved chocolate goldendoodle Meeko, but today marks two weeks now since I’ve said goodbye. It still feels raw and I still haven’t really come to terms with his passing. I know some have said you’ll get over it (which I’m sure will become more manageable in the future) but right now, I’m hurting just as much as I did when we said goodbye. It’s the little things that hurt my heart: his toys left here, the empty food bowls, his leash. The missing routines, the silence. Everywhere I go, I’m just constantly reminded of his absence. Just struggling with his loss. He was really my first pet dog so I’ve never experienced this before. I’ve always thought that pet loss wouldn’t be as hard as losing a human but boy was I wrong. I’ve grieved more for my dog than I have ever grieved before. And I don’t want that to make me sound bad, but I’ve come to accept that it’s not necessarily the species but grief is more painful for those who have been more present in our lives. And he was ever present. It just shows how much I loved him and how he loved me and I’m just so lonely now. I’ve had some ask if I’ll get a new dog and right now the answer is how can I? It wouldn’t be fair to meeko nor the new dog that I would constantly be comparing him to. He was far too important to me. I’m not missing having a dog, I’m missing MY dog. In time, yes I’m sure I will but right now it feels wrong to even think those thoughts, my heart is just too sore right now. I’m sorry for rambling, but it’s just been so difficult. I thank everyone who has sent messages, pet lovers truly are some of the most compassionate people I’ve encountered. I love you Meeko, always have and always will.