u/Alive_Ad_3925

Hi, I posted a few times in this sub before. I ended up as a judicial clerk on the civil side but a close friend asked that I post this to see what you guys thought:

Hello, I’m a 3L who has been lucky enough to receive offers from the Colorado State Public Defenders and the New Hampshire State Public Defenders. I have heard great things about both of their development, and New Hampshire has a more extensive training program on paper, but the consensus on this page and from the people I’ve talked to seems to be that Colorado is one of the best at growing PDs. I am looking for any insight anybody can give on the differences between these two programs, or even just on what makes Colorado such a force.

It would be easier logistically for me to go to New Hampshire, so I’m essentially just trying to figure out if I would be doing a disservice to my career if I did not take the Colorado offer. For reference, I want to stay in the PD or public interest world, maybe working in a more underserved community once I get training, or even switching to death penalty work.

I'm completing my first law school job, a fixed-term state trial-level clerkship (it has not gone well). My preclerkship resume is decent, and I've gotten several interviews for different positions, but I haven't gotten one because I don't drive due to a disability. I'm open to the possibility that I'm not getting the positions because I suck, but given how the interviews are going, I think it's the driving. Anyway, I'm planning to move back home (to my childhood home) in a state where I'm not licensed and take an adaptive driving course. I will be unemployed but may try to work retail or remote work during this period. How much will this hurt me if I do return to the legal job market, and what should I tell employers?

I've made dramatic "I'm quitting law" posts here before (at 1 month, 6 months, you name it), so I'm genuinely trying to be more objective this time.

Quick background: I did well in law school and on the bar, but I'm struggling in my state trial clerkship. Part of it is the environment — my judge can be tough and the workload's been unreasonable at times, so I won't lie, I'll be glad when it's over. But he's also made some fair points. I'm bad at the clerical stuff: attention to detail, organization, professionalism (the man has criticized my handwriting). I have a disability diagnosis that hits executive function, social skills, and organization, so honestly none of this is coming out of nowhere. I'll be relieved to train my replacement.

Here's the thing though — I don't think the actual law is the problem. I did well in school and on the bar, my judge admits I know the court rules better than other clerks in our court, and I can recall the details of our docket better than most. I genuinely miss law school, where I could absorb a body of doctrine, go sit an exam, and walk away. The "doing the job" part is what's killing me.

So a few questions:

1. Who do I even talk to about this? Everyone keeps saying therapy for "imposter syndrome," but that's not really it? Feels more like I need a coach, or just someone to think out loud with.
2. What do I do next? I'm so tired of screwing up and getting in trouble. Do I look for a low-pressure role where I'm not constantly being measured against anyone? I honestly don't know how much I can improve this stuff given the disability.
3. How long can I take to regroup before employers start side-eyeing the gap? I'd love to take a longer break (crash at my childhood home, reset) before figuring out my next move, but I've heard gaps raise red flags.

Any advice appreciated. Thanks for reading.

TL;DR: Great at understanding law, bad at the clerical/executive-function side of actually doing the job (partly disability-related). Struggling in my clerkship. Who do I talk to, what kind of job do I look for, and how long can I take off before it looks bad?

(Cleaned this up with AI to keep it readable — the situation and questions are all mine.)

Briefly, I was a strong law student at a mid tier school. This last 9 months I’ve been a clerk in a relatively busy state civil trial court. It’s been a miserable and demoralizing experience. I’ve screwed things up (mostly admin/communications stuff not legal), the judge is always mad at me. I was at an event and the former clerks are talking about how they’re best friends with their judge and are killing it at firms etc. I’m thinking of just going back to retail or DoorDash after this clerkship. Maybe moving home for a little while. I’m 25, have no real responsibilities, no dependents etc. I could just give up right now, forget I ever went to law school and admit I’m a failure.