how do i (m21) stop making my bf (m22) feel “stupid”?
my bf and i have been together for 2 1/2 years and i love him more than anything. i love being around him and talking to him and he makes me happier than anyone else. but sometimes he asks me questions and the way i respond make him feel stupid. i don’t mean to do this i have a lot of trouble controlling my face and my tone of voice (autistic). he also has his own issues with tone and paying attention (terrible adhd and suspicions of autism).
often the questions he askes are like things i would consider common semce or things he would know if he just paid attention and that really frustrates me. he is so in his own little world that he doesn’t pay attention to what’s going on around him, so he’ll ask me questions that he would know if he just looked around. he also cannot remeber any directions, even to places we have gone over and over again.
i don’t want to make him feel bad and stupid ag all i love him so much but sometimes the lack of attention and the common semce questions he’ll ask me just make me so frustrated.
i will say we where raised VERY different. my parents raised me to be an adult and his parents where neglectful and wanted him to depend on them so they didn’t teach him anything. they didn’t let him even get a licence till he was 19 and harassed them about it for months. they also shame him heavily for being stupid and not knowing anything but yet they have never taught him anything. and while i obviously know this sometimes its hard to remeber that in the moment when he’s asking me questions that i feel are common semce.
it’s starting to put a strain on our relationship and i can tell im really starting to hurt his feelings and i dont like it but i dont know how to remember all of our differences and how they may effects us in situations when he’s asking me the same questions over and over and never remembering any of the things i tell him about how i like things in the house or how to do things.
how can i get better at controlling my voice and my face and not making him feel stupid. i want to help him learn ans grow and i know we have had very different life experiences and childhoods i just find it so hard to remeber that in the moment