It's been 17 days since my post and my last relapse. I am extremely grateful for all the help I received on here and I will keep pushing forward. I know 17 days is a weird time to celebrate but I was feeling proud about my recent self control. Thank you guys, it means a ton that I can get help on here judgement free, have a good day.
I keep relapsing. I'm good for a week, or up to three even, but in the end it feels unstoppable. My brain feels locked in for that long period, then, at the worst time: I'm home from work, ready to get on something (game, music) and something triggers it. I have no thought of god while i'm in that zone. Afterwards, I feel like a disappointment. Not just to Him, but to everyone. I already told my dad, but it didn't help. I know that quittr app is a scam. I'm too ashamed to get professional help, and I also feel like beating this by myself will boost my self-esteem by a lot, so thats what i'm aiming for. In that 1-3 week period, I try to pray often, and it helps remind me of what i should be focused on. If anyone can help me out with some important info it would be more than appreciated. Thanks a lot