Have you ever seen someone so beautiful it crushes you?
I know how pathetic this sounds, and I genuinely don't mean this in an incel way.
There was a street festival on. Huge crowds, and I had to pass through it to get home so I could be alone and feel unjudged and pretend to not be pathetic. I saw a woman and her friend walk by me. Two people around my age, drinking, walking, laughing. And she was gorgeous. My first, immediate reaction was immense depression. Immediately I wished I was someone who wasn't too much of a coward to say hello. I instantly began to think about the life I'd never have: doing regular human things, going on dates, having a picnic in the park and just talking all night.
I don't think I can go outside anymore. Random people going about their day triggers me into spending an entire day beating myself with how abnormal and inhuman I am. How unloved and unlovable I am. How alone I will always be. Just seeing someone "my type" results in me spiraling about the person I'm not and never can be.