Nightmares
I have been raised by a narcissistic mother, no need to go deeper about what I've through. I live now in my own apartment, I cut my family off for 5 years, then she suddenly reached out to me because my brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and the closest sibling to him was me. I know that she reached to me just to use me to help her golden child. Anyways, I love my siblings and I feel bad for them having to live in that house in denial or maybe they feel helpless i don't know. So I took that chance to be in contact with my siblings, I go there every two weeks, she treats me in a very formal way as if I am a neighbor which i actually like because i do not want her to cross my boundaries. The other day something really stupid happened and she got angry while texting me and she said " you should've shut your mouth and took my permission" (mind you it is a personal decision regarding attending a relatives gathering) I can hear her sharp tone through the screen I just know her core personality. Anyways, this triggered me I got angry my friend was next to me and I just couldn't hold myself together I started shouting and saying she has no business in my life and I don't want to go to them anymore ..etc. The thing is.... when my trauma is triggered I always have this nightmare of being trapped in that house and no matter how much i wanted to leave i just can't do it and she keeps following me and harassing me in my sleep. A lot of times I wake up shouting and other times my mood gets ruined the whole day and I just feel emotionally unstable. I always get this nightmare when I'm triggered. How to get rid of this deep fear that is carved into my subconscious? I'm an adult and live on my own I just know she can't do anything but I've been through hell before that with her, the most feeling i had back then was feeling helpless and trapped, and these two feelings always come to the surface as a nightmare even though while awake i can rationalise any bad emotions but deep down it is still there :( is there some kind of way to, like, retrain my brain or smth?